Results tagged “Talk radio”

CURSE OF THE FACEBOOK FRIENDS

I continue, as the curse goes, to live in interesting times. Today, another one of my Facebook friends passed away; that makes, I believe, four in the space of just a few months. That's four too many, but, man, I'm feeling like I'm carrying something. It's too weird. It could also be a function of a) getting older, and b) having a wide age range of friends, but this one was out of left field, and so was one of the others.

Today's passing was of Steve Nicholl, who once beat me out of a job -- we were finalists for the PD job at WIOD Miami, he got it, and I never even got a call from the General Manager to tell me I didn't get it. Everything worked out in the end, though, since I was in Los Angeles a year and a half later. And Steve was always a good guy to me, so I was glad for him. He was 63 when he died; he was at KLIF in Dallas for the last few years, and in Portland and West Palm before that.

So another bummer gets added to the list for 2010. If everything goes in cycles, we're all due for one hell of a good time soon. In the meantime, rest in peace, Steve.

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In the Pittsburgh Press, October 22, 1969:

WJAS was, at the time, talk radio. Talk radio in 1969 wasn't quite what we know as talk radio, or, at least, not always. Sure, you had your angry conservatives, but there were liberals and other flavors of political animals, too. More often, though, you had genial hosts bringing on psychics and shrinks and advice givers and weirdos. That's what we see here, in Pittsburgh, with a guy who was popular on several stations back then.

Dr. Gilbert Holloway would come on as a guest and do his thing, which was to predict your immediate future from just the sound of your voice. He'd have you ask about your future, and he'd tell you. And he'd also predict the future, usually something outlandish.

Oh, wait, you want to hear what he was like? All right, then, how about Dr. Holloway guesting with a young Alex Bennett ("Alexander Bennett!") on KILT in Houston in 1967? Go to this page and you'll find it on the right-hand side, from May 30, 1967. It's what radio was like, complete with interference. Check out the disclaimer and the part about "the man you love to hate!" The explanation of the seven-second delay is also amusing, and the commercials are great -- the Pozo-Seco Singers headlining at the Sam Houston Coliseum, with obscure opening act the Jefferson Airplane.

And what happened to WJAS? It became a top 40 station in 1973, 13Q, and the talent lineup included some familiar Top 40 names like Jackson Armstrong, Don Geronimo, Mark Driscoll, Buzz Brindle, Bob McClain, Bob Shannon, JoJo Kincaid, Dave Mason, Jim Quinn, Bill Tanner, and Don Cox. I'm sure I missed a few. And to bring the whole thing up to date, I've been privileged to make the acquaintance of several of those folks. Small world. It's now an adult standards station.

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More about our favorite weird creepy old guy

From the Miami News, October 21, 1961:

Ol' Larry got off on this one; he gave a gas station guy a $50 check and allegedly told him to hold it until he could cover it. He said his wife had cleaned out his account. The check bounced, the judge let him off, but check the last paragraph: his wife was facing charges, too. That would have been Annette, his second wife. The pregnancy mentioned in the article resulted in Larry Jr., who...

Okay, here's what's creepy about this. This is what King told Anderson Cooper on May 21, 2009:

COOPER: You write in the book about meeting your son, Larry Jr., for the first time in his 30s.

KING: He's over here now, yes. He was on with us. That was extraordinary. Let me tell you. To sort of know I had a child. Probably I did. But I wasn't sure. And then to get the realization that I did. And then he turns out to be one of the great people -- one of the great people I know.

The article references his wife's pregnancy. And he "sort of" knew that he "probably" had a child? All he had to do is read the paper.

Just three years later, from the Miami News, December 31, 1964:

He and Hartack WERE longtime friends, so, well, maybe it WAS inadvertent. But ol' Larry kept busy in those days.

Still, we know about the many marriages, the questions about the veracity of his childhood stories, the ridiculous softball questions, his total lack of preparation and tenuous grasp on topics. So... how does this guy become, you know, Larry King, National Celebrity? Peabody Award winner? Who made that decision? When and why did THAT Larry King become THIS Larry King?

And if you figure it out, can you tell me how? I could use some tips.

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It's been a long week. Executive decision: I'm taking the evening off.

If you peer closely, you'll see Larry King in this one:

WKAT Miami Beach, October 18, 1967.

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": NOW IN 3-D!

Time for the annual Spring NAB Convention All Access newsletter. There was a lot more, but I can't write all night, so...:

This year's NAB Show convention included seemingly unlimited displays of cutting-edge equipment and panels of brainstorming that left attendees energized and ready to create amazing and exciting... 3-D video. Maybe web video, too.

Radio? Oh, right, radio. We have some of that here someplace. Wait, let me just... check... geez, it was here a minute ago... You're talking about the thing with the headphones, right? We don't get much call for that nowadays.

Okay, it wasn't quite that bad, but radio has always taken a distant second place at the April NAB convention, and for the past couple of years, as the NAB has retooled the show to drag in new media, radio's fallen further down the pecking order, so you'll forgive me for feeling like radio is to this convention as an HD Radio receiver is to your local Best Buy. Sure, they have one or two someplace in the back, but wouldn't you rather have a satellite radio, or an iPod, or an iPad, or a 3-D television instead? Look at the screen! That golf ball appears to be heading RIGHT AT YOUR SKULL WOW ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE!!! Oh, you still want radio. Are you sure?

The dichotomy between old and new continues to become more striking as the NAB continues to deemphasize the "B" in NAB. You could tell by who was where: the radio stuff drew small crowds of mostly (much) older folks in business suits, while the video halls and panels were filled with young geeks and engineers. The April show is now mostly video -- as opposed to television -- and the buzzword once again this year was "content," as in... well, I'm never sure about that. The show always nods in the direction of the folks who perform and write and produce, but for the most part, "content creation" here means equipment and tools. That works if you're interested more in how cool something looks and sounds but not if you care about story or topic or performance. It's an "Avatar" world at the NAB; the material doesn't matter, as long as it's in 3-D.

The convention, and the Internet radio seminar held separately across the street, aren't, ultimately, about the content at all. They're about the desperate search for a way to pay the bills. The 3-D stuff isn't because 3-D is so freakin' amazing -- it's more of a headache to watch, it's expensive right now, and it's 1950's whiz-bang technology updated in HD -- but because TV manufacturers need you to buy new sets, equipment manufacturers need to sell production companies new cameras, and studios and networks need something with buzz to draw attention and sell tickets and DVDs.

Monetizing audio content? Hmm. You can talk CPMs and pay-per-click and whatever other metrics you want, but as long as advertisers aren't keen on spending, you can charge by the syllable and it won't matter. We're in a transitional period, and the experts don't know nothin'. All you can do is create the best entertainment possible given your budget, put it on every platform possible, and hope for things to shake out soon. If you haven't figured out how to monetize your stuff yet, nobody else really has, either. They're working on it, and a few folks are making money with podcasts and streaming, but if you want to rake in the kind of revenue radio used to get, it's still in the theoretical stage.

While the "cool kids" were checking out the 3-D stuff, I was sitting in dark rooms with bad Wi-Fi listening to speeches and panels. The hot non-3-D topics were the performance royalty (turns out they're against it -- who would have guessed?) and the FCC's plan to hold auctions of TV spectrum to use for mobile broadband. It was interesting to see the new NAB President and CEO, former Senator Gordon Smith, do battle on the spectrum issue with the FCC commissioners. The FCC's position is that mobile broadband is critical to the future of our society and the spectrum presently used by over-the-air television is urgently needed for that purpose. The NAB's position appears to be that broadcasting is regulated for indecency and the Internet pumps LEWD DISGUSTING THINGS into your home and ATTACKS YOUR CHILDREN and isn't having safe, inoffensive broadcast television better than ENDANGERING LITTLE BILLY with FILTH AND PERVERSION?!?

That'll work.

There was more, of course, but, to me, the radio portion of the convention had one moment of clarity, Phil Hendrie's "keynote" at the Radio Luncheon. It wasn't a speech, it was a performance, and as Phil jumped in and out of his character voices, showing the audience how he becomes Margaret Grey and Ted Bell and countless other personalities armed only with a mic and a telephone receiver, I was reminded how the success of all the technology and futurist stuff and spectrum allocations and broadband policy ultimately come down to the people who create the stuff that gets delivered through those methods. You can put it in 3-D, you can send it over WiMax or LTE, you can podcast it, you can turn it into a smartphone app, you can put it on "regular" radio, but real talent can make you listen and pay attention no matter how it's delivered.

The rest is just noise.

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If you checked in at All Access' Net News this week, you saw our NAB coverage, and, yeah, that was me, skulking around Vegas and sitting through sales management panels so you didn't have to. But while I was doing that, I was also keeping Talk Topics, the show prep column at All Access News-Talk-Sports, updated with items on a regular basis, even on the days on which I spent hours driving to and from Vegas through the desert (note: the World's Tallest Thermometer appeared to not be in service, for those of you keeping track of disappointing roadside attractions of America). The column is fully stocked with hundreds of topics this week, including the election won, handily, by a dead man, the hazards of nudity in art, the danger of being "friends with benefits," how expired beer got some city workers in trouble, a warning about "bushmeat," what they're finding discarded on the Jersey Shore beaches, assault with a deadly python, cheating at the bass fishing tournament, Larry King's divorce, a proposed public school "bailout," the joys of skeeball, the lost art of movie intermissions, some driving school mishaps, and how to save money on baggage fees by taking nude vacations. There's more, including all the "real" news stories of the week; if you're stuck for material, drop in and you'll find plenty. Then take a look at "10 Questions With..." WPTI (Rush Radio 94.5)/Greensboro-Winston Salem morning co-host and executive producer Pamela Furr and the aforementioned Net News for the radio and music industry news you need, first, best, and most complete. Job listings? That, too, and columns and music charts and the Industry Directory and more resources, all free.

Twitter? Why, yes, there's a Talk Topics Twitter feed: twitter.com/talktopics. Every item's there for easy reference as soon as it's on the site. Follow All Access Net News, too, at twitter.com/allaccess. And for the musings of a grouchy talk radio guy and rabid Phillies fan, there's always twitter.com/pmsimon.

More: Download the free All Access iPhone app by clicking here. And check pmsimon.com for the unfocused ravings of a demented pop culture historian and sports fan.

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It's almost time for the Revlon Run/Walk for Women 2010 on May 8th in Los Angeles, so please donate if you can. We (my wife Fran and I) are once again raising money for women's cancer research and treatment and celebrating another year of survival. Your help is greatly appreciated (and needed), especially in these tough times; just go to https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/la/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=533458 and enter your donation. Thank you!

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This week's All Access newsletter is about cutting back frivolity in favor of the essentials. Or something like that:

As it turns out, I didn't rush out to buy an iPad this week. After careful consideration, I decided I would buy a new radiator for my car instead. The radiator cost more after labor and taxes, but what's another hundred or so here and there?

My "decision" was, of course, made for me. An iPad would have been nice, but being able to drive to the NAB in Las Vegas seemed a little more, you know, practical. But that choice was an example of the mindset of your listeners, your customers, and pretty much everyone else right now.

It's "want" versus "need." And this isn't a great time for "want."

I'm not going to get into the specifics of the iPad right now. It's hard to weigh in on whether the thing will be huge or a bust, or what it'll mean for radio and the consumption of content, when I haven't yet gotten my hands on one. I can think of a few ways an iPad would be useful for my work, and I wouldn't be shocked if I ended up buying one at some point. Right now, it's about need, and it didn't take long for "I don't absolutely NEED this thing" to trump "it looks cool and I want it."

The battle of want vs. need is practically universal these days. It applies to everything; You want a new car, but the old one will do for now. You want to see that movie, but you can wait for the DVD to show up for a buck at Redbox. You want to eat at a fancy restaurant, but you'll make do with a Double-Double and fries at the In-N-Out or a Lean Cuisine at home. People are focused on taking care of needs.

Radio doesn't usually fall into the category of "need." It's something that you put on when you get into the car, or, more precisely, that goes on when you start the car, because you never actually turn the radio on and off. Or it goes on when the alarm goes off in the morning. Or it's something you absent-mindedly flip on at your office desk. But people don't think of it as an absolute need; it's a utility.

But there IS such a thing as "need" where radio's concerned. A really good host can make people feel like they NEED to be listening every day to know what's really going on. In an emergency, there's a strong likelihood that people will NEED radio to tell them what's happening, what to do, and where to go. You get to be a "need" in people's minds by doing what they need you to do, whether it's being on top of every misdeed or shenanigan perpetrated by your state or local government or going into complete-coverage overdrive for every breaking news story or emergency.

Which leads me back to earthquake coverage and last week's shaker in Baja that was felt throughout California. It happened on a Sunday afternoon, and I was in the supermarket when everything began to shake. After we got out of there (tip: if you're in the salad dressing and mayo section, get out of that aisle as soon as you possibly can), I turned on the car radio. The all-News station was right on top of it, immediately reporting the magnitude and location and taking reports from callers throughout the region. Our talk stations... well, one had a host located in another city mention it, but the next show was on tape and had nothing about the quake. Another station stuck with regular programming. Another was in infomercial mode. Once again, the report card was mixed. The quake didn't do much damage in the L.A. and San Diego areas, but it scared the hell out of a lot of people -- water sloshed out of pools, elevators got stuck, fixtures swayed for what seemed like an eternity -- and people needed information. If they don't get it from your station right at that moment, they don't need you.

You need them to need you. It's how you get a core of loyal listeners (please don't make me call them P1s). It's the difference between the casual cume that flits away from your station to check what else is on and the people who consciously come back to you and stay with you every time. Sure, you have to give the people what they want, but give them what they NEED when they need it and you'll keep them around longer and more often.

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If you do a talk radio show (see what I'm doing here? Another expert segue), you need material. And you'll get it (man, that's seamless, right into the plug, totally natural) from All Access News-Talk-Sports and the Talk Topics column. What's there for your show prep pleasure this week? Lots, like cheerleaders who served up a special drink for their teammates, how Elmo got implicated in a drug scandal, some special entertainment in the ballpark rest room, Ronald Reagan Day, the trouble with some antibacterial soap, a son's confession about dear old Dad, a good Samaritan who paid for his deed, why people don't think the current recovery seems like a recovery at all, making kids walk to school, how big business (and other folks) hide their use of private jets (even when you're paying for it), a dog attack on a baby boy that hurts just to read about, why pot growers are campaigning AGAINST legalization, how it's hard out there for an ex-company president, San Francisco's proposed "meat-free Mondays," the battle against obesity in... dogs?, a teen's ultimate (and well-done) revenge against the bull who gored him, and much more. Also at All Access News-Talk-Sports, you'll find "10 Questions With..." KDKA-FM (93.7 The Fan)/Pittsburgh midday co-host Vinnie Richichi (you might remember him as longtime Seattle sports talker "New York Vinnie"), talking Pirates and Primanti Bros. sandwiches. And the rest of All Access continues to provide the continuing breaking radio industry news coverage, ratings, job listings, columns, music charts, and resources you've come to depend on. You need it, we have it. Simple.

Remember to follow Talk Topics on Twitter (twitter.com/talktopics) and Net News, too (twitter.com/allaccess ). Oh, and me (twitter.com/pmsimon).

Got an iPhone or iPod Touch or, assuming you're not like me, an iPad? Add the free All Access iPhone app by clicking here. (Did I mention it's free?) Oh, and bookmark pmsimon.com, where I'll probably post some NAB convention commentary along with all the pop culture and sports stuff that clutters up that particular site. And I'm scheduled to be on Heidi Harris' show on KDWN/Las Vegas on Monday morning, talking about the industry as the NAB Show hits town; I'm always available to do that kind of stuff, so drop me a line here anytime you need to burn a segment on that kind of thing.

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Hey, have you donated yet in support of my participation in the Revlon Run/Walk for Women 2010 on May 8th in Los Angeles? We (my wife Fran and I) are once again raising money for women's cancer research and treatment and celebrating another year of survival. Your help is greatly appreciated (and needed!), especially in these tough times; just go to https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/la/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=533458 and enter your donation. Thank you!

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IT'S JUST A LITTLE CRUSH

All right, so, at a friend's urging, I read Gary Vaynerchuk's book "Crush It," which is a (short) book-length pep talk to people like me to "create a brand" online and crank out niche content related to your passion and make it your livelihood. Sounds great, but I've been doing stuff like that for, what, seven years now, and the monetization possibilities are, at best, limited. More like nonexistent.

But the other thing is that I've never concentrated on one area, perhaps because my "day job" (my ALL-day job) is so constricted to radio. I cover a few different niches here, all under the general pop-culture and historical-pop-culture umbrellla. And sports. And occasionally politics, and radio, and... well, there it is again, too scattered.

So, maybe you can help me out here. Do I concentrate on one niche? Do I spread these out into separate blogs and brands? Is there any interest in old TV shows, old newspaper ads, old baseball cards, old anything? Should I focus on new media, cognizant that there are only about 6 zillion tech blogs out there? Do I convert this to podcasts, video, something else? In which direction should I take this?

Or is it best just to leave it be, to keep everything as is, knowing that it means it remains the hobby it's been for seven years? As I've noted here before, this site started as an exercise, someplace to stretch out my writing and try different things. It morphed into... I'm not sure what it morphed into, but this is it. I'm not sure it's enough.

What do you think? Let me know. A few extra bucks wouldn't hurt.

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This week's All Access newsletter really did come about the way I wrote it below. I threw away an entire column. You COULD say it was about self-doubt, but that would be for another column:

I was halfway through this week's column when I stopped writing it and walked away from the computer for a few minutes. The column just wasn't coming out the way I had in mind when I started it, and I tried to figure out why. After thinking about it for a while, the reason it wasn't working became clear, and it turned out to be the same problem I've heard in countless radio shows over the years: I hadn't committed to one opinion and stuck to it.

It's a common hazard of making a living by having an opinion: Most topics have gray areas, and gray areas don't work well when you're trying to communicate AND entertain at the same time. You do your research, you do your homework, and you find that you can see valid opinions on both sides of an issue. That's admirable if you're a professor, important if you're a journalist, and trouble if you do talk radio, because it always comes down to the dreaded phrase, "What do YOU think?"

That's a problem. People are coming to your show to hear what YOU think. They'll react to your opinion far more vigorously than if you waffle and then ask what their opinion is. Think of it in bar room argument form: If I say "Aah, the Yankees suck and they'll be lucky to beat out Tampa Bay for the division," you'll react by telling me loudly and in no uncertain terms whether you think that's idiotic or on the money. If I say, "Some people think the Yankees are the team to beat, but others think the Red Sox and Rays will give them a run for the AL pennant -- what do YOU think?," you'll give a calm, rational analysis of the relative merits of A-Rod and Evan Longoria, and it'll be way more polite and way less entertaining for others to eavesdrop on.

Your job, if you're a talk show host, is to have an opinion. People are tuning in to hear your take on the news. That means you need to HAVE a take (yes, Jim Rome fans, I know the rest: "don't suck"). This may be horrifying to some folks who consider talk radio unnecessarily incendiary, and it doesn't mean I'm condoning spreading misinformation or gratuitously inflammatory or offensive comments just to stir the pot, but a passionate certainty on every topic is a necessity in this game.

So when I realized I was in "What do YOU think?" territory, there was only one thing I could do. I clicked and dragged and highlighted every word I'd written -- and there were a LOT of those -- and tapped the Delete key. Time to start over.

When you're preparing your show, you have to be ready to hit that Delete key whenever you realize that you don't have a solid, passionate position on a topic. If YOU don't feel fired up about it, how can you expect an audience to hang in there with you?

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Of course, doing that left me pushing a deadline with no topic on hand. I had to come up with something fast, with no help in sight. You won't have that problem if you take advantage of All Access News-Talk-Sports' Talk Topics column, where, every day, there are hundreds of topic ideas, and some are bound to get your blood pressure rising. You'll find kicker stories and "real news" headlines and stupid jokes, too; just add your own perspective and there's your show. For example, this week's items include a savage attack on the Easter Bunny, the real winners in the health care battle (lobbyists, of course), the dwindling market for Tiger Woods impersonators, why some people are demanding the immediate retirement of Ronald McDonald, a different way of paying for trash hauling, why business cards are still around, a deranged attack triggered by an Obama sticker, why you might want to keep a bunch of toads in your house, what your teens are doing with body spray and lighters, the end of the 5 mph "cushion" you used to get from traffic cops, the health benefits of cinnamon and chocolate, how to get people to be organ donors (hint: PAY THEM), why you might not to live on Washaway Beach (and why some people still do), and an in-depth investigation into whether Donovan McNabb really did puke or not in Super Bowl XXXIX. All that, plus "10 Questions With..." New Jersey 101.5 afternoon co-host and Yoo-Hoo enthusiast Casey Bartholomew and the rest of All Access, where you'll find the industry's most complete and fastest news coverage, plus ratings, job listings, columns, forums, and more, all free.

Don't forget, too, that you can keep abreast of Talk Topics on Twitter -- just follow @talktopics (twitter.com/talktopics) and you'll get a link to every item in convenient tweet form. Net News is on Twitter, too; twitter.com/allaccess is the one to follow for the big breaking news stories. Hey, you got an iPhone, iPod Touch, or even, if you're lucky this weekend, an iPad? You'll want the All Access iPhone app: click here for that (it's free, too). And while we're linking, you might as well see what I'm up to at twitter.com/pmsimon and at pmsimon.com, where you can read about obscure comic strips, weird Sammy Davis, Jr. singles, and what Ozzie and Harriet meant to me (not much, it turns out).

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Finally, if you're looking to do a good deed today, why not donate in support of my participation in the Revlon Run/Walk for Women 2010 on May 8th in Los Angeles? We (my wife Fran and I) are once again raising money for women's cancer research and treatment and celebrating another year of survival. Your help is greatly appreciated, especially in these tough times; just go to https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/la/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=533458 and enter your donation. Thank you!

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My friend and former colleague at KLSX Los Angeles, Larry Wachs, is, today, one of WNNX (Rock 100.5) Atlanta's "Regular Guys," waking up central Georgia with humor, politics, and unusual odors. In 1991 at WBSB (B104) in Baltimore, he was briefly the sidekick to a mercurial and sometimes out-of-control wacky top 40 morning man whose preferred sidekick had been fired. The jock eventually got fired himself, he and his friend landed in New Haven, the jock found sobriety and religion, and the rest is history. But here's what Billboard reported on October 12, 1991:

Chris Emry's been on and off the air in Baltimore and Washington, and just a few weeks ago did an interview at All Access. Wachs -- he gave up the "Larry Wax" spelling when he transitioned to talk radio -- is Atlanta's favorite Jewish radio personality, if you don't count Clark Howard. Or Mara Davis. Or Jimmy Baron. Or Bert Weiss or Steak Shapiro. (I kid, Lar, because I love) That Glenn Beck guy? He turned out to be, um, Glenn Beck. But you knew that.

Here he was in 1985:

You'd abuse whatever substances you could get, too.

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Back to Billboard for a couple of notes from the April 20, 1963 edition:

There was no commercial radio in England, of course, in 1963. Radio Luxembourg -- Radio 208 -- took advantage of that by targeting England with its nighttime programming and selling ads aimed at the U.K. At this stage, the station was still airing sponsored blocks of time until midnight, but added this overnight show as a precursor to the eventual change to a traditional top 40 format with commercials in competition with the pirates, who came along in 1964 through 1968, and the new U.K.-based commercial stations, which launched in 1973. 208 limped along until the end of 1991, tried to go satellite only, and finally went down for the count at the end of '92. The current Radio Luxembourg on the Internet is a classic rock station that dates back to 2005 and has sometimes been heard on digital radio as well. The French version, RTL, survives on longwave and on FM in France.

The other note is more interesting to Americans, who don't even know that Morton Downey Jr. was ever a rock jock or singer (like his father) or songwriter. He was all of that, and here he landed in the evening slot at top 40 station KUDL in Kansas City, fresh from being on the staff of Gordon McLendon's short-lived attempt at a top 40 in Chicago, WYNR. Here's how the music industry heralded "Doc" Downey's return:

Quotes and gags from label guys for an obscure nighttime jock in Kansas City? Any thoughts as to what might have been transpiring between "The Doc" and those guys?

Downey bounced around from station to station, ran the New Orleans Buccaneers in the ABA, and ended up trying to reinvent himself as a loudmouth talk show host on KFBK in Sacramento, where he was replaced by another former Kansas City guy trying to relaunch his radio career, Rush Limbaugh, before trying TV and becoming, you know, Morton Downey Jr. But you know that part.

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I'm feeling so awful, I don't even remember what I wrote about in this week's All Access newsletter. Hope it made sense:

How about this? A station cluster in a large market needed to replace a departing program director who'd handled two stations. They did something I didn't think radio companies do anymore: They hired two PDs, one for each station.

One PD per station. That's... wow. I thought those days were over.

Maybe they are, and this is an aberration. Two in place of one... that's not something you see much in 2010. Not in talk radio, that's for sure. I'd like to think that management doesn't think talk radio programs itself, but I get the sense that they think, well, you stick a computer in a closet and point the satellite and that's it. And, certainly, we've seen several talk stations handed over to the PD of a sister music station (or two, or three), as if there would be any time for someone whose hands are already full to add another station to the mix.

But the way things have been lately makes me wonder if management really knows what a PD does. There seems to be the assumption that all you need in that position is a warm body to make sure the spots run. It's more than that, of course. And if your GM or corporate folks are unclear about it, here are just a few things that a good program director does other than fill out paperwork and load PSAs onto the computer.

A good PD needs to be a psychologist (or is it psychiatrist? I never get those straight). Great talent is often, to use a scientific term, nuts. I mean that in a good way. Surely, there has to be something a little off about anyone who wants to get on the radio and tell the world exactly what he or she thinks for three hours. It's not just a matter of communicating with the talent, but it's also helping everyone on the staff get along. How many times do co-hosts argue and fight off the air? Hosts and producers? Management and hosts? Being able to keep everyone from killing each other is an art a good PD learns, and fast.

There's also the matter of handling sales pressures, and in that regard, I've heard some talent and managers say that the days of saying no to the sales department are over. That may be the case, but, and here I'm speaking only for myself, I wanted the sales department to come to me first before approaching the hosts with a brilliant sales idea. It's simple: What might seem like a slam dunk for the sales guy might be poison for programming and for the host's reputation. An embarrassingly small-time remote, a client as an on-air guest, an unfortunate endorsement... someone needs to manage that. And while it's not always possible, I tried to find ways to "adjust" the sales department's brainstorms so that they'd serve everyone's purpose better. The trick is to avoid being obstructionist and uncooperative and find a way to make everyone happy. (No, there's no way to make an endorsement for Colon Blow anything but, um, an endorsement for Colon Blow)

In a similar vein, a PD needs to serve as protection for the talent, a filter between the GM and the host. The GM is going to field complaints and will want to tell (or tell off) the talent. Making sure it goes through the PD not only helps soften the blow, but the PD can decide exactly what the talent needs to hear. That's right, sometimes it's better not to let the talent know that someone at the country club didn't like what he or she said about some topic or another. Getting belted with "you shouldn't say that" from the GM or salespeople or anyone else will do a number on a host's psyche. It's better to have one person handle that stuff and filter what gets through. That includes compliments, too, when they're about stuff you know isn't working.

In some ways, a PD needs to be a producer, too, not necessarily hands-on with every show, but at least involved enough to recognize when a host is off track and help fix that. It could involve being hands-on enough to sit in on show prep and help pitch, craft, and polish a topic, or as little as making the right suggestions in a post-show air-check or review. Either way, it involves listening and having that indefinable ear for what the show SHOULD sound like, and an awareness of how to get it there. And that applies to syndicated shows as well; a PD shouldn't just stick a show on and forget it, he or she should listen, make sure that the content and sound fit the station, and let the syndicator know what the station needs from the talent and the show. I've found syndicators quite willing to take feedback and work with affiliates to address their concerns. It's in everyone's interest for the show to work on your station.

Finally, the PD has to be a little bit of a showman, by which I don't mean that the PD should be a comedian or inject his or herself into the programming. It's more that the PD needs to know how to market the station with imaging and attitude. The station -- ANY station -- should have a personality. It's one of radio's advantages, and a station's projected personality often takes a cue from the person in charge as well as the talent on the air. Talk radio IS show business, after all. It helps to know how to make a show, on the air, in marketing, and at appearances.

There's more, of course, and that includes all the paperwork and sales meetings and, most critically, the ability to find and develop talent. But the former are necessary evils and the latter is something that's as much instinctual as anything else. Some people have the ear for what works, some don't. There's no test to determine if someone has the right instincts, except to look at the results.

And that's all you need in a PD. He or she just has to be a shrink, a diplomat, a filter, a producer, an entertainer, a schmoozer, and an office drone, all while possessing good instincts. Hygiene helps, too, but you can't always have everything.

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Something that can help with the producer part is All Access' very own Talk Topics column with hundreds of show prep items of all kinds -- national, international, sports, entertainment, kickers, anything any talk radio show might use. As I've mentioned here before, you can conveniently check what's new via the Talk Topics Twitter feed at twitter.com/talktopics. Just follow @talktopics and you'll be able to keep up with everything I throw in there, as soon as I write 'em up. Among this week's new items are road rage battery by, well, battery, the lost art of beer can collecting, how some folks are literally scared stiff, the troubles faced by the karaoke industry, a store with nothing but goods made in America, the Worst Birthday Party Ever, the end of "The Hills," the end of "At the Movies," how barbecue sauce may be good for you, why bees dying might be a very bad thing for you, a possible "exercise pill," why a baby was denied insurance coverage, $2,000 Jimmy Choo shoes that light up with every step, the growing legend of St. Petersburg's Mystery Monkey, a teacher accused of drinking on the job, why you can't quit a job you hate, and so much more, including plenty on health care and the economy and all that "real" news. If you're stuck for material, come on by and we'll fix you up.

Also at All Access this week are "10 Questions With..." KQTH (104.1 The Truth)/Tucson morning man Jon Justice, who's been making waves ever since returning to southern Arizona; the industry's best, fastest, and most complete coverage in Net News; ratings, columns, job listings, the Industry Directory, music charts... yeah, we got everything. And you can keep up with Net News at twitter.com/allaccess Also, go get the All Access iPhone app through iTunes, if you have an iPhone or iPod Touch, that is. It's free. And you can keep up with my personal stupidity at twitter.com/pmsimon and at pmsimon.com.

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One more thing: We're inching closer to the Revlon Run/Walk for Women 2010, which takes place on the streets surrounding USC and the Coliseum May 8th in Los Angeles. We're raising money for women's cancer research and treatment. Your help is greatly appreciated, especially in these tough times; just go to https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/la/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=533458 and enter your donation. Thank you!

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UNHEALTHY, UNWEALTHY, UNWISE

Today, I did my Real Man thing, replacing a leaky radiator hose in the car. Victory will be declared only if the thing is still intact months from now and the car stops losing coolant. I am hopeful, but it ain't over until, well, you know.

It's been interesting to see the health care issue dominate talk radio and TV news today, because it's been a tremendous amount of talk by people who have absolutely no idea what's really going to happen. The legislators who voted on it probably don't know everything about it, either. I tried to read the thing; there's a lot of it, that's for sure. Understanding the impact is another thing.

TV news reporters and anchors cast their votes in favor of the law, it seemed. Diane Sawyer and other ABC folks took the "everyone who's against this is racist or misinformed" position. The local L.A. reporters I saw actually called seniors who voiced disapproval of the act "wrong," because, well, why wouldn't seniors be unanimously in favor? Look at what they get! Impartiality and skepticism took a holiday for this one.

It seemed like the radio hosts were mostly against the bill without a lot of specifics, just the generalized "it's socialism!" that you'd expect. The exception I happened to hear was when John and Ken at KFI Los Angeles handled the bill in what I thought was a really reasonable way (John will yell at me for suggesting that he's reasonable): The bill costs too much and we can't afford it, but will survive simply because there are a lot of people in situations where the bill will help them, and because there are those stories, nobody will dare kill it. Any time the law is threatened, there will be stories -- real stories, stories that will tug the heart strings -- about people and families who by no fault of their own end up at the mercy of the system. It doesn't matter whether the bill's really good or bad. It now just... is.

And that goes to what I've been saying about the bill all along. I'm fine with the idea that the bill costs too much. I don't want a National Health system that makes you wait for treatment, and I'm not crazy about the government getting involved in any official denials of coverage because a panel deems you not worthy. But just saying it's socialism or screaming that the country you loved is now gone forever misses an essential point: The current system IS broken. It's broken for people who have to buy individual coverage. It's broken for people with pre-existing conditions. It's broken for people who get sick, who have families, who lose their jobs. This bill may be awful, but the opponents have yet to propose anything better, and many refuse to acknowledge that there is a problem at all.

I have no idea whether this bill will help or hurt my family. I suspect it will not help, and it seems certain that this won't control premium increases and coverage gaps. It would have helped to introduce a totally open national market erasing the artificial state barriers to competition, and it would have helped to expand Medicare as a pay-in option to those who can't obtain private insurance for health or financial reasons -- the very people the private insurers don't want to cover and blame for high costs. The bill just doesn't do enough to address the problems. But the opposition has no plan to address any of the problems, either.

Doesn't matter, though. We now have what we have. Time to hope for the best, because the alternative is not pretty. None of this is pretty. Pretty left town a long time ago.

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CONVENTION!: GROUNDHOG DAY

I'm in the back of the room again. I'm always in the back of the room. It's another talk radio convention, of course, and I tend to prefer lurking way in the back. Also, the only available power outlet is back here.

A friend told me the other day that he doesn't go to radio conventions anymore because he realized that the people at every one of them are the same people as ten years ago, only older and fatter. He's right. And I'm older, if not exactly fatter.

I am, however, experiencing a major bout of deja vu. This one's in the same place as the last one, the people are essentially the same people as at the last one, the panels are about the same thing as last year's, and I'm learning the same amount as last year, which is, of course, nothing. That's unfair, actually, since the thing's only a few hours old, but I'm fairly confident, judging by the agenda, that I'm not going to hear anything I didn't know last year, or ten years ago.

So, why come to these things? Simple: It's the only way to get some face time (what a terrible phrase) with people I wouldn't otherwise see, especially since I work out of my house. Without these events, nobody would recognize me. With these events, 20% recognize me, so that's an overall gain.

But it also requires sitting in an auditorium listening to an endless parade of overpopulated panels and presentations and wondering what I'll be having for dinner. Right now, I'm being told that music morning shows are like talk shows, which I was saying 20, 25 years ago. Whatever. I get to see some good people, do a little business, and get a change of scenery. If you have to repeat something, there are worse choices.

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This week's All Access newsletter advises hosts not to forget that the really interesting stuff is happening right under their noses:

Are you a local talk show host? Cool. That's a good thing. See, the NAB is busy telling the FCC that there's no need for any kind of "localism" mandate, because stations are already fulfilling that role, and that means you, 'cause you're talking about nothing but local issues and leaving the national stuff to the big syndicated hosts, right?

Right?

Well, now, that's a problem. I encounter this fairly often, local hosts concentrating on the same national issues that Rush and Hannity and Savage and Levin and any number of other hosts are doing. The "local" angle might be having the local Congressdrone on to parrot the party line in a convivial manner, but local issues? State issues? Small-time.

And that's a problem, too. I admit to having thought like that myself, only not in radio. In a previous life, I was an editorial cartoonist, back when there was still a future for people doing that job. I had an attitude about that, namely that local and state politics bored me. I was shooting higher. I didn't think I'd get anywhere concentrating on Philadelphia or Harrisburg when the big syndicated guys were all about Washington. So that's what I did, too, and I got lost in the shuffle and eventually decided that I'd need to find a career in which I was more likely to earn enough to afford food. (I chose radio. Whoops) Had I concentrated on commentary about what was going on right in my neighborhood -- what was directly impacting me and my neighbors -- I may have succeeded and remained in the newspaper business, and, today, I would, of course, be unemployed.

Radio's no different from cartooning or reporting or anything else. The glamour, such as it is, is in "going national." Doing that, however, means that you'll be ignoring the kind of stuff that can REALLY make you a name, serve your listeners, and make for better talk radio. There's always something going on in your city or state that you can make compelling, but that's especially true right now. In compiling Talk Topics every day, I run across stories from across the country that scream out for some talk radio host to seize on it, get angry, and make something happen. Every day, those stories are out there. Too often, I don't see any local talkers seizing the moment.

Here's what I mean: A major city takes people's homes and businesses to hand over to a rich developer to build a sports arena for his failing basketball team. Public-sector workers in several states are pulling down six figure sums in overtime on top of massively inflated salaries, even when the states themselves are virtually bankrupt and resorting to furloughs to try to save money. Legislatures and mayors are fretting about the calorie counts of school lunches and looking to slap taxes on soda and trash pickup rather than cut what needs to be cut. There are stories like this in every city, stories of inepitude and malfeasance, and they are absolutely tailor-made for talk radio, angry, pitchfork-and-torches talk radio, compelling and entertaining. It doesn't matter what your politics are, or which side you're on. There's plenty of outrage to go around.

See, the local stuff is something you can own. If everyone else is talking about national issues, you can make yourself different by taking advantage of the fact that you DON'T have to be generic. National talkers CAN'T talk about your local issues and personalities. You can. It's your strategic advantage. You can hammer on these things, get people involved, and get a lot of attention while you're looking out for your listeners' best interests. That's not to say that YOU should be organizing the pitchfork parade, but your show can be where like-minded people go to gather. And with a radio show, you have way more ability to build that community than blogs or podcasts or any other medium, because you start with a larger base. It's what talk radio can do better than anyone else.

I'm not, by the way, saying that national isn't good. From health care to Wall Street, there are major issues to be addressed and that's what the syndicated guys do well. All I'm saying is that if you're a local host, you should take advantage of the need for someone to draw attention to the state and local issues that have real impact on your listeners' lives, and make those topics your own.

Oh, yeah, one more reason to do it. There's a study that just came out, measuring how much time local TV news in Los Angeles spent on all kinds of news. They measured the eight stations that do news, and analyzed 14 random days' worth of news shows from last August and September. The result: Out of a typical half hour, 8 minutes and 17 seconds were spent on local news, mostly crime stories. News about government actions took up a minute and 12 seconds, 49 seconds of which were federal. Los Angeles-area government issues? TWENTY TWO SECONDS. TV news isn't paying attention to the mayor or council. Undoubtedly, your city's TV news isn't a whole lot different. Mwanwhile, the same study showed the Los Angeles Times, our only market-wide daily paper, devoting a whopping 6% of its news hole to local issues. See the opportunity?

====================

I mentioned earlier that some of the topics I'm talking about were encountered while writing the Talk Topics column for All Access News-Talk-Sports, and they're in there, along with hundreds of items of all kinds -- national, international, sports, entertainment, kickers, anything any talk radio show might use. Normally, in this space, I'd list a bunch of samples, but I'm not going to do that this week. Instead, I'm going to point you to the all-new Talk Topics Twitter feed at twitter.com/talktopics, where you'll find a handy list of everything in the Talk Topics column. Follow @talktopics and you'll be able to keep up with everything I throw in there, as soon as I write 'em up. And while you're at it, follow twitter.com/allaccess to get the biggest headlines from Net News first. Oh, what the heck, follow twitter.com/pmsimon too, for my personal, not-at-all-Joel's-fault comments on whatever's bothering me at the moment, usually involving Philadelphia sports teams or my cat.

=========================

I told you that I would be mentioning the Revlon Run/Walk for Women 2010 every week right up to the event itself May 8th in Los Angeles, and I'm sticking to that. Here's what it is: Lots of people gather at the Los Angeles Coliseum and walk in a big loop around the USC campus and into the stadium to raise money for women's cancer research and treatment. The walking is kind of beside the point, since the donations aren't related to how far you walk or run, but who's counting? Besides, it's always a nice day out and my wife Fran and I have a particular stake in the issue, so we do it every year. And we ask everyone who can donate to do so, understanding that, well, times are tough, but if you can do it, this is a great cause and all donations will be appreciated. Just go to https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/la/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=533458 and enter your donation. Thank you!

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Who?

    Perry Michael Simon. Talk radio guy. Editor of the News-Talk-Sports section at AllAccess.com. Former Program Director, Operations Manager, host, and general nuisance at KLSX/Los Angeles, Y-107/Los Angeles, New Jersey 101.5. Freelance writer on media, sports, pop culture, based somewhere in the Los Angeles area. Contact him here. Copyright 2003-2010 Perry Michael Simon. Yeah.

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