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Yeah, yeah, I know. I was traveling and had a lot to do. Leave me alone.

Later today: on the power of self-deprecation, plus other randomness and jet-lagged thoughts.

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The return flight from Dulles was uneventful except for the fact that it was the first flight I've had in a long time where I had an empty seat next to me, all the better to slop onto in fitful slumber. I caught myself at one point actually drooling onto the pillow I'd propped between the raised armrest and the crack between the seats. Musta been really sleeping. That, or I need to work on my hygiene.

In any case, I tried to write a full column on one topic and realized that I'm incapable of complete thoughts this evening, so, herewith, random items from the talk radio convention:

1) The response to the announcement that Bill Bennett is getting a radio show ran along two lines, one being "how can someone with no broadcasting experience get a syndicated show?" (raised, in one case, by someone who became a talk show host without prior experience and got a syndication deal fairly quickly), and the other being the gambling thing, to which his supporters responded "you can't make fun of him, because HE makes fun of HIMSELF." True dat, although it'll be interesting to hear him handle the heat- self-deprecation can only work to a limited extent (Kaelin, K., KLSX, 1995). He can sometimes come off as a scold and a flawed "paragon of virtue," but the guy can talk with ease and humor, and he has some good people around him. Good shows have started with less.

2) Whenever they have these things in Washington, the Stuffy Older Guys in Suits factor increases at least tenfold (which is why, while I pack jackets and ties, I always end up in jeans and sweaters- it's my role in the world to stick out like a sore thumb at talk radio conventions). There's already a bias towards political talk, and the forums and panels end up heavily slanted towards the people who know who the White House Communications Director is without looking it up on Google, rather than the people who focus on lifestyle topics or, heaven forbid, sex. The discussion of indecency tended to sound like your father talking about Those Kids. There were a few brave souls voicing concern for Howard Stern, but more who appeared to be saying "good riddance" and nobody in attendance capable of saying "Bubba the Love Sponge" without a sneer, or at all. There's nothing wrong with any of that, but I think it shows a disconnect with the world of the under-35 listener.

3) For the last time, you are not more entertaining if you shout your comments.

3a) Corollary to 3): You are not an expert because your opinions drown out someone else's.

4) My negativity towards Washington eased a lot by Saturday. Perhaps it was the beer, and maybe it was getting, finally, a chance to run outside, down to the Mall, up by the Lincoln Memorial, down by the river... maybe my favorite city in which to run, and it felt good. Then I finally had the chance to get out to Virginia to see Donna and Dennis and the kids, a lovely afternoon reconnecting with friends, dinner by the river in Alexandria, a stroll in Old Town talking and window shopping and slurping a vanilla real-custard cone in seconds flat. Good times. And in that light, on an unseasonably comfortable day, I forgot all about the crime and the grime and the holes in the roads and the traffic, put them aside until it was 11:00 and I pointed the Monte Carlo across the 14th Street Bridge and hit the potholes and the traffic cones and the rundown buildings and, yeah, the place still needs work, but it was still good to be back for a few days.

5) There were so many people I didn't get to see in the short time allotted for the convention. Some of them were even nominated for awards. You know who you are. Sorry we missed each other this time. Next time, come find me. You know I'm incapable of proper social interaction. Ask the people I DID see.

More on the convention if I can remember any of it. Good to be back.

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TAN CAN BEAT THE REPUBLICANS!

He can?

That's the headline on the back of a flyer in the mail today. It's for a Congressional candidate, a guy named Tan Nguyen. The front of the flyer has a picture of the candidate standing with his jacket slung over his shoulder, and the back has a letter from someone named Roger Rudman with whom I imagine I'd be familiar if I were to be active in Orange County Democratic circles:

Dear Fellow Democrats,

Tan is my good friend who is also a candidate for U.S. Congress from our District 46.

Tan is not a politician.

Oh, no, he's not a politician. He's just on the ballot for the nomination and spending money to send me this full-color flyer. Nope, not a politician.

Dude, you run for office, you're a politician. Unavoidable. Might as well embrace it.

Tan is just a bright guy who truly wants to help our community. I know Tan well, and I am 100% sure that once elected, Tan will make a different kind of Congressman.

I'm sure you're sure, but it's striking that in the entire brochure, there's not a single mention of any positions on policy. Not one. Taxes? Defense? Education? Deficits? Social Security? What does this guy stand for?

Go ahead, Google him. See what you can find. I'll wait.

Back to Roger's note:

The Republicans have a clear majority in our district. However, approximately 12% of the Republican voters are of Asian descent. While race should not be a factor in deciding who to vote for,

Stop right there. "While race should not be a factor in deciding who to vote for"- you know what comes next will negate that statement. SHOULD not and MUST not are different things.

Tan's candidacy has generated tremendous enthusiasm in the Vietnamese community. It is therefore likely that most Asian Republicans will jump ship and vote for Tan as a 'favorite son' candidate.

With these crossover votes, Tan can close the gap and take District 46 out of Republican control.

And there it is.

Qualifications? None.

Stands on the issues? Undisclosed.

Why should I vote for him? Because he's Asian, and we can get all those Asian votes.

Isn't that a pretty damn racist assumption, especially to put in a campaign flyer? And isn't it extra-offensive to assume that all Asians think of themselves as the same? I mean, the guy's Vietnamese, the dominant ethnicity in Westminster, his end of the district. At this end (about 30 miles west), the Asian population is mostly Japanese, Chinese, and Korean. I don't believe that a Chinese-American thinks of himself as "the same" as a Vietnamese-American. You have to subscribe to the "they all look alike to me" method of ethnic sensitivity to think Asians will vote as a bloc. And imagine the reaction if an Orange County Republican suggested voting for a candidate because he was white, or male, and therefore would get the all-important white or male vote.

We need Tan! Please vote for my friend.

Sincerely,

Roger Rudman

Uh...

No.

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Yeah, I voted. We went to the polling place at lunchtime and found nobody there. Well, the poll workers WERE there, but there were no lines. It was in an all-purpose room on the upper level of a church up the street, card tables and voting booths set up randomly on either side of the space (they'd combined two districts into one physical polling place- they asked where you live, then sent you to the correct card table).

The big thing this time around was the voting mechanism itself. We didn't get one of the new, and evidently problematic, touch-screen systems. The actual machinery- ballot slot, laminated pages, little holes- remained the same, but you didn't get to punch the holes through the ballot anymore. No more chads for California- they replaced the pin with a little inker to mark the ballots. The poll workers were clear about this- they made us practice on a sample machine to make sure we knew what we were doing. (This wasn't the practice everywhere, if radio reports were accurate- some people took the inker and used it to punch through the ballot)

There wasn't much on the ballot- I raced through the nominees and went right for the ballot questions, inked those, done. Fran took her time and carefully considered her choices, and I restrained myself from loudly announcing that she'd completed her 2004 primary ballot just in time for the 2008 elections. (So I'm impatient. Sue me) But we did it, then went on to far more important matters, namely the weight room at the gym.

I didn't think much of the election after that. Evidently, John Ziegler at KFI/Los Angeles followed through on his threat to read the parody Prop 56 ads I'd written for the weekly e-mail I do for All Access, because I got some reaction thereto, but I didn't hear it, eschewing the election coverage in favor of cooking dinner. (Sorry, Zig, I forgot, and besides, I gotta eat. But thanks.) Hit Trader Joe's and Costco, got back to do some work, and in passing noted that Kerry won and the ballot measures are going no-no-yes-yes so far, which isn't too bad (the bond issue's still disturbing, but at least 56 is going down). They say the turnout was weak, which, judging by the turnout we saw, is true. But what did anyone expect? The presidential races were finished before we got to them, the many judges' races incomprehensible- who ARE these people?- and the ballot measures important but not compelling enough, evidently, to get people off their butts and into the booth.

And what, then, did we get for our trouble? Kerry, who has Democrats excited for no apparent reason- they think he can beat Bush, but his essential stiffness and his all-over-the-place what-the-hell-does-he-STAND-for voting record haven't been exposed to the general electorate yet. It's far different to win the primaries than to win in November. Kerry/Edwards has the party rubbing hands with glee and anticipation- it's a dream ticket! A war hero and a pretty boy Southerner! By the time they realize it's also a waffling, charisma-free suit and a trial lawyer, it may be too late.

Not that Bush is unbeatable. He continues to push unwinnable issues, spend unsconsionable billions, and avoid saying anything that might cost him points, even when honesty could WIN him points. But the real campaign hasn't started. The Democrats have been punching for months, but it's like wearing yourself out in the warmups- here comes the opening bell, and they'd better not already be arm-weary. Besides, I think they're overestimating the breadth of the Anybody But Bush camp. ABB runs deep, very deep, among those who hold to that philosophy, but that's not a majority, and it's mostly people who didn't vote for Bush before and wouldn't ever do so. They talk to each other and assure themselves that Everybody Hates George. If that's the assumption under which they're framing their campaign, they're going to be surprised.

But it's still too early, whatever the polls may say. People's heads aren't in this campaign yet. It's easy for pundits to forget that, but when you can't even get a big turnout for a primary where the state's fiscal future is at stake, it shows that the electorate's thinking about other things right now- taxes, the NCAA brackets, Janet's breast. (Hey, have YOU forgotten that? Didn't think so) There's plenty of time for the Big Issues. Wake me when the real fighting begins.

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I'm floating through the day in a generally bad mood, although the source of the ill will is unclear. There's no reason for it, either, because things are generally good today:

1. The weather's fairly spectacular- warm, sunny, a nice breeze off the ocean. It's one of those days that defines L.A. by the beach.

2. I didn't think I'd be as pleased to see the grocery store strikers back at work for the first time in months, but it was really a relief. They all wore grins and expressions of utter relief. So did I. I didn't support the strike, for reasons I've already explained, but I didn't cross any picket lines, either. And now, the familiar faces are back, the checkouts went faster, the long-closed sections like the fresh fish and butcher section are being brought back to life... it's good. Back to normal. I like that.

3. This morning, I turned the radio to KFWB and Ross and Rick were there, the Dodgers dropping behind to the Mets 3-0 before going on a tear and I could picture Vero Beach, could see Holman Stadium and that berm in the outfield and the new clubhouse in right and the rickety wooden press box and Tom and Jake getting the game on the air and it's March and it's spring training and I do NOT want to get all George Will on you, but it was good to hear baseball again. It's a month until opening day. I hope I will be there.

4. Our friend Joe of HDTV notoriety is flying in tonight, a good thing tempered by the reason (family funeral tomorrow).

5. The Eagles signed Jevon Kearse- how cool is this? First, the Phillies go out and take care of business with signings and trades, and now the Eagles explode out of the blocks with a big signing. Now to take care of the offense. T.O.?

So it's a good day, but I'm sitting here zombified. I have a little dental irritation, which isn't helping, but things are generaly pretty good. Maybe some food will help. I think I'll go try that and get back to you on it.

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As if to put an exclamation point on my good day/bad mood column from yesterday, here are today's conditions:

1. Weather: perfect- sunny and warm. Department of Tourism day.

2. Disposition: generally positive. Close to a good mood.

3. Experience: very positive. Got to see close friends we rarely get to see, since they live on the east coast. Took lovely drive up to Santa Barbara. Met nice people, ate well.

4. Event: funeral.

No, I didn't "enjoy" the funeral as if it was a ballgame or movie- it was sad, touching, moving. But it was a spectacularly beautiful day in Montecito, we were with people who are special to us, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, we were looking at the trees and the grass and the ocean and...

...and why can't I have days like this when I'm NOT mourning?

At some point, everything will sync up. Not yet.

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Let's get this straight.

The World Trade Center was attacked on 9/11.

The President at the time was George W. Bush.

Bush went to visit the workers at Ground Zero and received a warm reception.

The attack, the recovery, and the War on Terrorism were, and are, among the defining elements of the Bush presidency.

And some people think it's wrong for his campaign ads to make reference to 9/11?

It's wrong to depict the truth? Wrong to show something that actually happened?

Would it be wrong for John Kerry to point out his heroism in service?

Oh, that's right- as Charles Johnson points out, the only 9/11 survivors cited as objecting to the Bush ads are in groups backing Kerry. So they'd let Kerry off the hook. But when fringe pressure groups are allowed to color the news coverage of a story, the bottom line is that the truth becomes taboo.

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They're launching a "24/7" hunt for bin Laden:

"We are putting the pieces in place to throw the net over him," one official told CNN.

They HAVEN'T been searching for him 24/7 up 'till now?

What exactly have they been doing?

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The poor First Amendment is taking a beating these days, and I don't mean from evil Congressdrones (that, too). Check this out from Cleveland:

A federal judge Thursday denied a television station's attempt to make Mayor Jane Campbell speak with its reporters.

U.S. District Judge Solomon Oliver denied a temporary restraining order that WOIO Channel 19 sought over claims that the mayor had violated the First Amendment for refusing to deal with the station's reporters. The station claimed it was banned from City Hall.

There are members of the news media who think that there is a First Amendment right to make people talk to you? There are lawyers who are willing to take that argument into court?

I wonder what they're teaching in J-school nowadays. Evidently, they skipped the constitutional law part.

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Martha Stewart's guilty? I didn't think they had enough to convict her, but, hey whatever. I kinda think she was most guilty of being Martha Stewart.

But you'll see her and some supporters crying about injustice. It's the same as Rush Limbaugh correctly pointing out that he's being taken to the woodshed by prosecutors for transgressions similar to those for which they've looked the other way. He's right.

And it doesn't matter.

I'd feel more sorry for Rush and Martha had they done nothing wrong at all. But they did violate the law- not enough to justify a public flogging and prison time? Maybe. But all I can think of in their cases is the wisdom of our elders:

"Don't do the crime if you can't do the time, yeah, don't do it."

An' dat's da name o' dat tune.

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Because I need the weekend to recover, I'll just refer you to a piece from the Guardian, of all papers, that talks to a couple of teens recently released after all this time held at Guantanamo. How do they feel about their captivity?

"I am lucky I went there, and now I miss it. Cuba was great," said the 14-year-old, knotting his brow in the effort to make sure he is understood.

And:

Tracked down to his remote village in south-eastern Afghanistan, Naqibullah has memories of Guantanamo that are almost identical to Asadullah's. Prison life was good, he said shyly, nervous to be receiving a foreigner to his family's mud-fortress home.

The food in the camp was delicious, the teaching was excellent, and his warders were kind. "Americans are good people, they were always friendly, I don't have anything against them," he said. "If my father didn't need me, I would want to live in America."

Asadullah is even more sure of this. "Americans are great people, better than anyone else," he said, when found at his elder brother's tiny fruit and nut shop in a muddy backstreet of Kabul. "Americans are polite and friendly when you speak to them. They are not rude like Afghans. If I could be anywhere, I would be in America. I would like to be a doctor, an engineer _ or an American soldier."

For some reason, this stuff is missing from all those human rights reports about the camp.

Via LGF.

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