This week's All Access newsletter was prompted by hearing an infomercial-style radio show hosted by a non-infomercial-style host, and my musing about integrity and what it's worth to sell it:
If there's something that bothers me more than the performance of the Phillies bullpen, it's... well, actually, nothing's bothering me more than the Phillies bullpen right now. If there's anything that bothers me close to how much I'm bothered by the Phillies bullpen, it's... well, it's a lot of other stuff about the Phillies, so let's just skip down the list to the latest thing that's bothering me about radio, which involves, in a way, infomercials and brokered programming. Sure, you know what I'd say about those things- they hurt stations long term and give a bad image to your station and blah blah blah. You could just as easily write that for me. And it's all for naught- if your GM can get $500 or $1,000 or even $1,500 for a half hour that the sales department says it can't sell anyway, your arguments against selling the time will go unheeded. Money is money, especially when it's cash up front. But that's not the topic for this letter.
No, this is for hosts and PDs who might be tempted by some quick, easy money (and who among us isn't?). When I'm driving around on the weekends, I occasionally hear infomercials and brokered shows with familiar voices. They're "co-hosted" by some of the same hosts who do regular, non-brokered, non-infomercial shows on the same stations. You get hours of selling "health products" or financial products or whatever, and the doctor selling the colon cleanser or the guy selling adjustable rate no-money-down mortgages are accompanied by a host who you'll hear during the week talking about, well, other things, but definitely not medicine or loan rates. I don't know how prevalent this is in smaller markets, but I've heard it in a few major and medium markets. And I know it's also been done within regular weekday shows, too- a "guest" is really a client, and the "topic" is really a sales pitch or promotion.
A talk host has to have integrity. Your appeal to listeners includes your believability, no matter what you're talking about, no matter what your act may be. Even if you're a comedian, even if all you do is goof on stuff, your listeners want to believe- NEED to believe- that you're real and you're honest. And then they hear you sell some snake oil, and they discover you're quite willing to do anything for a buck.
Listen, I don't begrudge anyone a living. And I don't think this is the same as doing live reads and endorsements... although radio people ought to be a LOT more careful about that (need I remind you about certain weight loss products heavily advertised on radio shows that took a lot of hosts' reputations down a few notches when the FTC got involved?). People know that a commercial is a commercial, even when read live by a host. But an infomercial is a different animal, and when a familiar host is feigning interest in a miracle cure for joint pain or reverse mortgages and revocable living trusts, you're just not going to hear that host in the same way again.
That's not worth the extra paycheck. It really isn't. If you're a host, think about that before you say yes to one of these things. And if you're a PD, do whatever you can to dissuade your sales department from using your regular talent to co-host with Dr. Bombay on the ColonExplosion (TM) Hour of Health. If you have to run those things, you're best off keeping everything about your station- your talent, your production elements, your call letters, even your phone number- far, far away from them.
And now that I've shamed you into poverty, let's talk about preparing your regular show, and specifically where you can find the kind of material that you can use when you're not talking about intestinal problems or home equity loans, Talk Topics at All Access News-Talk-Sports. This week, the topics include whether multiple marriages are more of a stigma for women than men, the Sanjaya crisis dissected and analyzed and fricasseed into submission, why it's always a good time for pancakes, how Craigslist can be used for evil, Miami's unusual solution on where to put sex offenders, why New York City is launching a big promotional campaign for circumcision, the curious case of the cross-dressing fireman, why you might want to run a background check before your next date, another engagement ring dispute, why you don't want to ride a horse while under the influence but it's okay to scrape an ice rink while intoxicated, why the words "unlicensed day-care" are never the sign of anything good in a news story, the heartwarming story of Ynot Bubba, and way more than anyone needed to know about the pet food recall or what Keith Richards may or may not have sent up his nose. After that, check out "10 Questions With..." Jones Radio Networks syndicated morning host Bill Press, the Talent Toolkit with some baseball sites worth bookmarking, and the rest of All Access with Net News (first/fastest/best insudtry coverage), the Industry Directory, ratings, Mediabase charts, columns, message boards, job listings, and much more, all free. All the cool kids do it.
Next week: a special edition of the Letter- find out how you can lower your cholesterol, pay off your debt, and achieve the kind of bedroom performance of which you have always dreamed. Or maybe not.
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