PMSimon.com: April 29, 2007 - May 5, 2007 Archives

IF SOMETHING'S LABELED "CHOCOLATY" RATHER THAN "CHOCOLATE," IS THAT OK?

Why I won't be going to my college reunion, chapter 376:

From an e-mail sent to the alumni mailing list about a previous suggestion that attendees bring chocolates from their particular regions for everyone to enjoy:

Could we think about serving only Slavery-free chocolate and make a statement against child trafficking while we munch? I figure this is a socially and morally conscious group – thought I’d put it out there.....

It's not even about the idea of avoiding chocolate made from cocoa harvested through slave labor- certainly, while it's extremely difficult to get slavery-free chocolate, it's a noble thought. No, it's my desire not to be trapped in a room with people for whom everything is a political issue. Even when they're right, they're insufferable. Hemp-poncho-wearing patchouli-soaked cruelty-free vegans... sorry, but that's not my crowd. My crowd eats cheeseburgers and Goobers and shops at Target and listens to talk radio and watches "SportsCenter" and "South Park." I don't know that my school produced too many of my crowd.

Maybe they'd enjoy this goodie I recently obtained:

Yes, a Dr. Laura chocolate bar! Malted milk chocolate, sweetness spiked with a little tang! "Cruelty-free" may not come to mind with this one. Put it in a room full of my college classmates and watch the fun!

Maybe I SHOULD go.

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Posted on April 29, 2007 6:35 PM | Permalink

MELTS IN YOUR MIND, NOT IN YOUR HAND

The Chocolate Statement continues among my college classmates preparing for the reunion this year. Today, one wrote this:

Hi All,

I did some quick checking and there's a company called Dagoba that certifies its chocolate is organic and slave-free (and Kosher) and I'm going to track down and bring some of that instead to add to the mix.

It does appear, just from some preliminary research, that at least some of the companies that sell slave-free chocolate avoid doing business in regions of Africa where that's an issue. I wonder about the potential impact of that loss of business on those economies and their people. Perhaps the slave-free movement isn't big enough yet to have a meaningful impact on the global chocolate economy. Is anyone working toward solutions to actually help those who have been/are being/will be exploited? I'd expect it's a complex problem with no easy solutions. (Name redacted), is this an issue that you've researched? Curious about what you've found.

And the response:

I met a couple weeks ago the man who is the international slave hunter who goes into these countries, gets the kids out and sets them up in safe places. He is the one who has written all the legislation that exists currently worldwide on the issue of child trafficking. Great guy.

I think it should be economically untenable for these countries to continue to support child trafficking. Yes, it may affect their economies if the chocolate industry stays away from countries that use child labor -- that is a good thing.

I'm working on the same issue when thinking of providing a chocolate fountain and other desserts at our African fundraising event next month in Hollywood. I can't have us being accused of supporting child labor when trying to raise money for the orphans in Zambia!!

This is a COLLEGE REUNION.

Oy.

You know what? Forget the chocolate. No chocolate. No food- you never know what's the product of cruelty. No clothes made by sweatshops, either. No clothes. No artificial light- gotta reduce our carbon footprint to zero. Can't take planes or trains or cars to the event, either- start walking. Naked. Everyone, we're just gonna stand in a dark room naked and silent, silent in order not to say anything offensive to anyone. Maybe we can listen to Womyn's Music while contemplating our individual culpability for every bad thing in the world.

I shoulda gone to Miami like Fran. I bet their reunions don't involve earnest discussions of international political issues. I bet all they do is drink until they puke. Now, THAT'S a reunion.

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Posted on April 30, 2007 5:53 PM | Permalink

IM LOVING MEMORY OF SMITH-CORONA (WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, STILL EXISTS)

In 1974, everyone had one of these:

Kids today wouldn't know what to do with one of these, but until the PC showed up, this was all we had to, um, type stuff. We had this exact model, in brown, with a dark brown plastic carrying case. "Carrying case" was a misnomer; "lugging case" would have worked better. They were heavy. Really heavy. But lighter than older models, and they prevented one significant problem of those older models: you didn't have to touch the ribbon. Old typewriters made you manually unspool the ribon and slip it behind the guides, leaving your hands a mess, while these modern Coronamatic jobs had cartridges. You shoved the cartridge (kind of gun-shaped, actually) into a slot on the right side of the typewriter, and when you wanted to change colors or, better, when you wanted to "erase" mistakes by typing over the words with a correction ribbon, you just swapped out the cartridges.

In 1974, that was state of the art.

Today, we carry around laptops and rarely even print anything out. But I can understand why some Luddite writers insist on using old typewriters- there's something about the tactile nature of the keys, the slap of key against paper... no, actually, it wasn't that great after all. Keys would get tangled when you went too fast, letters would smear, and there was a sickly ink smell to it all. But if you really miss them, you can always find them on eBay, although shipping will cost you more than the typewriter itself. (Yes, you can still buy ribbons, too) Or you can buy a new model. Me, I'll stick to 2007.

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Posted on May 1, 2007 5:25 PM | Permalink

NERD BOWL '67

And now, another golden oldie I used to watch:

"It's Academic"! This ad is for the Cleveland version, but there were versions in a bunch of cities, and I grew up watching the New York one with Art James. It was simple- you had two teams of high school geeks competing for their schools. Same deal as "GE College Bowl" for colleges. The questions were a mix of impossible and reasonably difficult. You couldn't get away with it today- too smart, too slow, too low-tech.

But, of course, it lives, in D.C., at least, and Charlottesville and Baltimore. Good old-fashioned dull deadly boring fun for the entire family of whoever was actually appearing on the show that week. But I watched it without fail. Perhaps that's why I have such a stockpile of useless information.

How about that picture, by the way? The guy in the upper left- a sort of proto-Ricky Gervais- is clearly unimpressed and bored to tears, but the rest of the audience is going Beatlemaniacal. The girls' look proves what I've always suspected- they didn't make girls then like they do now. The hair, the clothes... they looked like moms. (It's not the glasses- even goth girls wear nerd glasses nowadays, and they don't look like the girls in this picture) Guys, it's all about timing.

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Posted on May 2, 2007 7:06 PM | Permalink

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": WAIT TO WORRY

This week's All Access newsletter, after a pitch for the Revlon Run/Walk, has some sage advice for life in general:

In a minute, a brief refresher on how to handle changes in life. But first...

I've been reminding you about this Revlon Run/Walk for women's cancer research in which my wife Fran and I are participating on May 12. That date's fast approaching and I'm hoping that you'll sponsor me and make a donation. It's a great cause, one that's important to us, and I'd love for radio folks to make a good showing. It's easy to donate by credit card- just go to https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/la/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=365992 and look for the donation box and button. Or you can donate by check- make it out to Revlon Run/Walk For Women and you can put Bib Number 22179 on the memo line, attach your name and address, then send it to:

Perry Michael Simon
P.O. Box 3904
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90274

...and I'll forward it to Revlon with the proper forms. The web site above has more details if you're interested, or you can e-mail me at psimon@allaccess.com and I'll fill you in. And to those of you who have given already, thank you. It means a lot. (And thanks again to Joel and Ria Denver for allowing me to badger everyone for the cause)

Now, watch how I tie this into radio:

We were on our way to Fran's oncologist for her regular tri-monthly appointment and we were nervous as usual, and Fran said that her support group has a saying for how to handle the dread everyone gets before seeing the doctor. "Wait to worry," they tell each other. No use wasting energy and obsessing if you don't know what's coming and can't do anything about it beforehand anyway. No reason to get a head start in fretting over what's coming since you don't know what it is. And, as it turned out, the appointment turned out to be all good news, so there had been no need for the queasiness and dread. The group was right. Wait to worry.

That's good advice for you, too. Worrying in advance about what the ratings will be won't change what they are, and if they're good, you worried for nothing. Worrying in advance if a topic will work, worrying in advance if that all-hands meeting scheduled for Friday means a format change... it's natural to worry, it's human to worry, but if you can help it, try to be philosophical about it and just relax until there's really something to worry about.

This week, there's been news about more stations being sold, and "wait to worry" is a good way to handle it if you're at one of the stations on the block. You don't really know what's in store, and for all you know things won't change even a little bit, or they may even get a lot better. Or the new owner could send in several large men with baseball bats to escort you off the premises. You don't know yet. Until then, business as usual. Wait to worry.

But then again, it doesn't hurt to keep your options open. Now would be a good time to get your network together, let people know that it's possible you'll be available, look for other radio jobs. We've talked before about how to go about this the best way, networking, calling, applying, networking some more. If your station is one of the hundreds being spun off, you should already be exploring. Not worrying, but just making sure that you're prepared if the new owners decide you're toast.

And while you're at it, it's also a good time to consider whether it might be time to bail from the business. I would hope not- I'd like to believe that there's still plenty of opportunity in radio in general and talk radio in particular- but I recognize that some folks will just decide that it's time to try something else. In that case, I would recommend exploring the opportunities offered by daytime television, specifically the advertising on your finer UHF stations, where you'll find three areas of career advancement:

1. The exciting world of truck driving.
2. Unaccreditied "colleges" in strip malls specializing in court reporting and dental hygenist training.
3. Plaintiff.

Whatever you decide, be confident that things will eventually work out in your favor. They usually do. And even if they don't, you have a long time before things hit the wall. Wait to worry.

Now, watch how I artfully segue into the plug:

There's no need to worry about coming up with topics for your show, either, not while there's plenty of material right now at All Access News-Talk-Sports' Talk Topics column. (Okay, that wasn't artful, but it's all I got) So far this week, you'll find items about why one state wants its residents to have a month's worth of supplies on hand at all times, a school administrator who needs some spelling assistance, why the popularity of alternative fuels is driving up the cost of your milk, how telemarketers are turning the tables on a guy who turned the tables on them, why patrons of one major movie are being warned that it'll make them sick, where you can go to really get away from it all (including running water and electricity), why video resumes may not be the way to go when job seeking, a naked police chase (you'll be relieved to know that the cops were not nude), the Great Digg User Revolt of 2007, a guy who claims to have slept through being stabbed nine times, the gruesome details of the saga of the anchorwoman, the e-mails, the sportscaster, and the sportscaster's wife, naked college students, naked animal rights protestits, naked everybody, and lots of other stuff, plus "10 Questions With..." WYSP (94.1 Free FM) host and longtime Philadelphia mainstay Paul Barsky and the rest of All Access with Net News (first/fastest/best industry coverage), Net Talk (message board of doom), the Industry Directory (everyone in the biz), and much more. And you get it all for free.

Next week: Dunno. I'll think of something. Can't fret about it now. Wait to worry.

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Posted on May 3, 2007 2:35 PM | Permalink

TURN ON, TUNE IN, DROP OFF TO SLEEP

This was from 1970, and I actually remember seeing it:

A few years before Mike Nesmith's Nickelodeon proto-MTV show, more than a decade before the actual MTV, after Scopitones had faded from popularity, there was "Music Connection." It showed up on UHF independent stations and filled up a lot of time- the initial version advertised here on WPHL-TV Philadelphia (August 29, 1970) ran six hours- six hours!- on Sundays starting at noon. And here's what it was: "groovy" colors and pictures and silhouettes of women dancing while pop and rock music played. That's it. The ad calls it "a completely different form of television. An innovative breakthrough. And you've never seen anything like it." Um, well, it WAS different. Unwatchably so, but different. Perhaps it would have been better with the assistance of acid, but I remember seeing it in glorious black and white and it was just annoying in a "Blair Witch" motion-sickness way.

But check out the groovy hair and flares. In 1970, that was the height of fashion.

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Posted on May 4, 2007 4:04 PM | Permalink