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May 27, 2007 - June 2, 2007 Archives

May 27, 2007

WEEKEND NUMBERS

On this last semi-off day, let's tally up the weekend stats:

Burgers eaten: one, grilled on the backyard Weber. Mmmm.

Beers: two, both Shiners.

Books: two, both books I'd gotten a while ago and finally had time to read this weekend- "Something in the Air" by Marc Fisher (naturally, I read about radio on an off day) and "America Alone" by Mark Steyn. If I didn't have to work tomorrow, I'd try and make it three for three.

Bing Crosby Imitations Endured: one, Leo LaPorte on last week's TWiT. I can do a better Bing than that. But who's left who remembers Bing Crosby, anyway?

Baseball Games Watched: Parts of two, game three of the Phillies-Braves series (good!) and the end of Saturday's Angels-Yankees game (also good!).

There's something to be said for hanging close to the house on the holiday weekend- no traffic, no aggravation (okay, a little aggravation, much of it cat related (she chose this weekend to meow and scratch and refuse to allow us to sleep through the night)), nice and reasonably quiet. Hope you're enjoying yours, too.


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May 28, 2007

RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY

Look, I worked all day while you didn't. So all you get is more video.

Wow, WPIX's Chiller Theater, circa 1964:


Online Videos by Veoh.com

And "Mack and Myer For Hire"- haven't seen that in like 40 years:

And because it's an appropriate day for a little patriotism, let's go back to 1986 and a two minute-plus sign-off sequence for KCOP Los Angeles that culminates in Our National Anthem:

Thank you, troops.


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May 29, 2007

THREE YEARS ON

Dad died three years ago today, and once again, in his honor, we went out and ate steaks, with some See's Candies for dessert, because I think that would qualify as his favorite meal. We did that last year, too.

A friend whose father died very recently asked me how long it took me to get past the anger and the sorrow, and I really couldn't answer that clearly, because I think trace amounts of both tend to stick around in the back of your mind even as acceptance becomes the norm. My stages were altered by the legal battle that followed his passing, but my anger over the way he went- the unfairness of his being stuck down by the most painful cancer imaginable, caused by a substance his father worked with, killing him even though he was otherwise in unbelievably great shape- hasn't gone away. Nor has my grief that he wasn't with us tonight, that I'll never see his face or hear his voice or talk hoops with him or take him to see the Marlins or Heat ever again. I never stop missing him, just as I still miss my mother- I want them to be here, I want them to share in our lives, but that isn't going to happen. Does that feeling ever go away? Not entirely.

But I smile more than I did right after he died. Like tonight, when we raised a couple of mugs of beer and I toasted Dad and I thought, man, he'd love this, but I know he'd be sneaking peeks at the TV sets over the bar to see what the Detroit-Cleveland score was. So that's what I did. Gotta keep the tradition going.


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May 30, 2007

TIME-WASTE THEATER: WARM MEMORIES

Busy today, so here's something I happened upon when I wasn't busy and was perusing YouTube, a clip of one of the Greatest Moments Ever:

Yes, it's the Miracle in the Meadowlands. This is the actual telecast, with the CBS credits rolling before the play and the announcers (and the rest of the world) assuming that the Giants would just sit on the ball and end the game. Good times, man, good times.


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May 31, 2007

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": PUT ME IN, COACH! COACH? UM... YOU AWAKE, COACH?

This week's All Access newsletter goes after a forgotten necessity of talk radio:

The problem with being a former program director, besides the lifetime vow of poverty, is that I can't listen to radio without falling back into the program director thing anymore. Ask my wife, who hears it all the time. We'll be driving around, enjoying the afternoon, and I'll suddenly blurt out something like "did you hear that? He stepped all over that intro" or "hey, they got a new imaging voice... sounds like... hmm...." It's annoying, but it's a lifetime affliction.

And it's especially annoying when I'm listening to talk radio. I listen to a lot of talk radio, and I can't help but be hypercritical. Some of the shows I hear- I listen to shows from all over, thanks to the Unbridled Magic That Is The Internet- are really good, some are pretty bad, but the ones that get me most aggravated are the ones that... okay, let me see if I can explain this in a coherent manner (I know, it would be the first time. Ha ha.). You know when you hear something and you think, well, that was okay but if he'd just tried it a different way, it would have been better? Yeah, that. I hear shows that just miss the mark by inches. That's tougher to take.

What those shows tell me is that the hosts aren't getting something they need- direction. Help. Guidance. And that's something the industry needs more of- coaching. Some PDs are really good at teaching and bringing the best out of their talent, but some stations sound suspiciously like the PD isn't even listening, because there are some basics being ignored. The topic setup might be way off. Calls might be dragging on forever. It's usually something that would be easily fixed- a revision of the topic, the excision of a crutch phrase. All the talent needs is for someone to say "hey, you know that topic you did in the 2:00 hour? Here's how to make it even better- do it like THIS." Explain the adjustment, hear it work better the next time, and the station sounds better. Easy, right?

It IS easy, but I still hear experienced talent making the kind of mistakes and doing the kind of things that a PD shouldn't be letting go by. That tells me that some folks just don't get the guidance they need to help them advance their abilities to- oh, how I hate this cliche- the next level. A lot of PDs and consultants ARE providing the necessary coaching but, judging by what I've heard in markets of every size, some hosts are on their own.

If you're one of those hosts who finds him or herself left to his or her own devices, what do you do? Ask. Just ask the PD for feedback. Whatever works for you- aircheck sessions, comments on the fly, whatever. Ask for it. Don't be shy. The PD's job is to do whatever is necessary to make you and your show better... assuming that you still HAVE a PD and that your station's not being programmed from another market by some regional VP you've never met. But in that case, you were probably replaced by a syndicated show two years ago anyway.

So the word for this week is "coaching." If you're a PD, you need to do it. If you're talent, you need it. Even Michael Jordan had a coach. You can't coach natural abilities into someone, but you CAN coach a talented host to help him or her utilize those abilities to the best advantage. Yeah, this all seems way obvious, but if it's so obvious, why do I hear hosts in major markets flailing away making the same unforced errors every day? Maybe the word for the week ought to be "listen," as in "listen to your own station once in a while."

Enough of that- time for the REALLY important part where I plug All Access News-Talk-Sports, reciting a bunch of items you'll find in the Talk Topics show prep column and a few other items before wrapping things up and going off to watch some basketball. This week's Cavalcade of Stupidity includes some nostalgia about summer toys (ah, yes, the Slip 'n' Slide, I remember it well), a guy who gave up being a lawyer to play with Legos, dining with Fido, A-Rod's eventful week, the indignity of getting your home vandalized by an endangered species, the curious case of the guy with TB, why not to break into a warehouse through the big industrial fan, more football for everyone (maybe), the stay-put yarmulke, the invasion of the chicken fingers, a whole article about "guyliner," useless college degrees, the dangers of sidewalk cafes, Yoko Ono allegedly eating a dog, way too much about Kobe Bryant's existential crisis, and Britney Spears vomiting in a men's room. And there's plenty more at All Access, including the industry's first/fastest/best news coverage at Net News, charts from Mediabase, the insanely useful Industry Directory, and, as they say, much more. Come to AllAccess.com several times a day. (But you already do, don't you?)

Next week: I take a trip and whine about travel delays, probably.


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June 1, 2007

THE OKAY SHEPHERD

As usual, I gotta cut it short today, because it's Friday and, well, it's Friday. Also, we have to watch the rest of "The Good Shepherd" before we return it to Blockbuster in the morning. I know folks who loved it, but it's long. Very long. And predictable. And Matt Damon is just not convincing as, um, an adult. And everyone in the movie mumbles- that's supposed to make them seem like serious actors, I guess.

But it's an okay movie. I'm just glad I didn't see it in a theater, because I'd have fallen asleep halfway through. Here, I can stop it, sleep, and pick it up later. Which is what I'm going to do now. 'Scuse me.


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June 2, 2007

BROWN EYE FOR THE PACKAGE-RECIPIENT GUY, OR WHY I'M MAD AT U.P.S.

I had a package coming to me via UPS Friday. According to the tracking information online, it was put on a truck in Gardena at 2:57 am Friday. At 7 pm, I had not yet received it, or a notice, or anything, so I called UPS and told them that it was past 7:00 and, well, they say they deliver up to 7 pm, so, well, what's going on?

"It WILL be delivered."

"But when? It's already after..."

"It's on the truck. We said it will be delivered on June 1st and it WILL be delivered on June 1st. If it hasn't been scanned back at the station, it WILL be delivered. Our trucks stay out until all packages ARE delivered."

"But it's getting late. When... are they gonna deliver it up to 11:59?"

"Yes. It WILL be delivered."

"Um, well, okay, but if there's a problem, who should I..."

"There WILL be no problem. It WILL be delivered. It's on the truck, it WILL be delivered."

I waited two more hours and it was about time to go to bed. No package, so I called again and got a different customer service representative.

"If it says it's on the truck, it's on the truck," she said.

"But... what time do the trucks leave the station?"

"About 9:00 in the mornin', maybe earlier."

"So this guy's working over a 12 hour shift?"

"There is no return scan, so it WILL be delivered tonight."

"Is there any way to track where the driver is? I mean, it's getting ridiculous..."

"No, if it says it's on the truck, it WILL be delivered before the truck comes back."

"But it's already dark! It's 9:00 and nobody's going to deliver anything now!" I went into about a 5 minute explanation of how I've been using UPS for years and not once has a package ever come after business hours, ever. When I was done, I heard silence. Nothing. I could hear the call center noise in the background, but the CSR just went silent. I did, too. After about 60 seconds of silence, I said "So there's nothing I can do?"

"Nuh." Click.

I stuck a note on the door and went to sleep. Woke up at 5 this morning, no package. Waited until 8 our time and called again.

"You didn't get it?"

"No."

"Oh... I see it hasn't been scanned. Well, you'll have to call the sender."

"The sender? Can't you track it with the, um, tracking number?"

"No, only the sender can."

"But it's Saturday, they're not open, and they have my money, so they aren't motivated to rush. Why can't you track the package?"

"Because we need information only the sender can provide, like the invoice number."

"But you HAVE the invoice number- you have all the information. It's all connected to the tracking number. You even know who sent it- the address is in your computer."

"I'm sorry, sir, if you're not the sender, you can't track the package. You have to arrange for the shipper to give you a refund."

"But the package may just be sitting on your truck! We don't even know if it's lost! I don't want a refund, I just want my package!"

"Let me send you to the department that handles this. Please hold."

I held for a few minutes and someone else came on the line.

"There's nothing we can do," she said.

"Nothing? You promise delivery, you fail to do it, and you can't help me?" I didn't raise my voice- I was just asking out of puzzlement.

Click. Not even an answer. Just a hang-up.

What can Brown do for you? Apparently, not much.

Next time, FedEx or DHL. Even the USPS is better than this.


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About May 2007

This page contains all entries posted to PMSimon.com in May 2007. They are listed from oldest to newest.

May 20, 2007 - May 26, 2007 is the previous archive.

June 3, 2007 - June 9, 2007 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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