I had a package coming to me via UPS Friday. According to the tracking information online, it was put on a truck in Gardena at 2:57 am Friday. At 7 pm, I had not yet received it, or a notice, or anything, so I called UPS and told them that it was past 7:00 and, well, they say they deliver up to 7 pm, so, well, what's going on?
"It WILL be delivered."
"But when? It's already after..."
"It's on the truck. We said it will be delivered on June 1st and it WILL be delivered on June 1st. If it hasn't been scanned back at the station, it WILL be delivered. Our trucks stay out until all packages ARE delivered."
"But it's getting late. When... are they gonna deliver it up to 11:59?"
"Yes. It WILL be delivered."
"Um, well, okay, but if there's a problem, who should I..."
"There WILL be no problem. It WILL be delivered. It's on the truck, it WILL be delivered."
I waited two more hours and it was about time to go to bed. No package, so I called again and got a different customer service representative.
"If it says it's on the truck, it's on the truck," she said.
"But... what time do the trucks leave the station?"
"About 9:00 in the mornin', maybe earlier."
"So this guy's working over a 12 hour shift?"
"There is no return scan, so it WILL be delivered tonight."
"Is there any way to track where the driver is? I mean, it's getting ridiculous..."
"No, if it says it's on the truck, it WILL be delivered before the truck comes back."
"But it's already dark! It's 9:00 and nobody's going to deliver anything now!" I went into about a 5 minute explanation of how I've been using UPS for years and not once has a package ever come after business hours, ever. When I was done, I heard silence. Nothing. I could hear the call center noise in the background, but the CSR just went silent. I did, too. After about 60 seconds of silence, I said "So there's nothing I can do?"
"Nuh." Click.
I stuck a note on the door and went to sleep. Woke up at 5 this morning, no package. Waited until 8 our time and called again.
"You didn't get it?"
"No."
"Oh... I see it hasn't been scanned. Well, you'll have to call the sender."
"The sender? Can't you track it with the, um, tracking number?"
"No, only the sender can."
"But it's Saturday, they're not open, and they have my money, so they aren't motivated to rush. Why can't you track the package?"
"Because we need information only the sender can provide, like the invoice number."
"But you HAVE the invoice number- you have all the information. It's all connected to the tracking number. You even know who sent it- the address is in your computer."
"I'm sorry, sir, if you're not the sender, you can't track the package. You have to arrange for the shipper to give you a refund."
"But the package may just be sitting on your truck! We don't even know if it's lost! I don't want a refund, I just want my package!"
"Let me send you to the department that handles this. Please hold."
I held for a few minutes and someone else came on the line.
"There's nothing we can do," she said.
"Nothing? You promise delivery, you fail to do it, and you can't help me?" I didn't raise my voice- I was just asking out of puzzlement.
Click. Not even an answer. Just a hang-up.
What can Brown do for you? Apparently, not much.
Next time, FedEx or DHL. Even the USPS is better than this.
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