This week's All Access newsletter builds on last week's with some sage advice (translation: restatement of the obvious):
Last week's edition of this thing drew an avalanche of responses, and I still haven't gotten the chance to get back to all of you. Thanks for your patience.
But what came through in a lot of cases is the very fear and resignation I discussed last week. Some people are giving up on radio, while others are sticking with it but want guidance on how to make it through this dry spell. And it's heart-wrenching, because I can't get everyone hired and can't snap my fingers and make station owners and GMs look beyond this quarter and can't... fix it. Sorry- that's out of my hands. All I can do is write this thing and hope it's having a long-term effect.
But what I CAN do is hand out advice, solicited or not, on what talent needs to be doing in this situation. The first part was last week's topic- persistence, networking, all that stuff. Then there's the matter of what you're selling. You need to make sure you have what stations and PDs will want. How do you know if you do?
I thought about that this week while pondering where everything's going and what works and why. I was reminded why some hosts become successful, some don't, and some can't get hired in the first place. The core of it is simple. Here's the main thing you need to be a better radio host:
A distinct personality.
Here's the other main thing you need to be a better radio host:
Something to say.
That's it.
Yeah, it's obvious, but if it IS that obvious, it doesn't explain why I hear so many shows that sound like someone's been plucked off the street and stuck in front of a microphone with a copy of the morning paper or a prep sheet and told to just talk. There are variations, like TWO guys stuck in front of a microphone. Someone thought that would make good radio, but it doesn't. The successful hosts- the stars- ALWAYS have something to say, an opinion on everything, and they have distinct personalities that pop out of the speakers.
Here's an exercise: can you describe yourself from just what people hear of you on the radio? Can listeners get a good feel for who you are and what you're all about? What IS your image? If you can't pinpoint that, or you find yourself having a hard time describing what you project, that's something you need to consider. It might be as simple as "sarcastic grump" or "bombastic know-it-all" or "pragmatic everyman," but it has to be SOMETHING that listeners can instantly grasp and sense from your presentation. (And that's also important if you're trying to get a job- do you want to be one of a pile of "guys in front of a mic" or do you want to stand out when a PD is plowing through the job submissions?)
And then there's "something to say." I find it hard to describe how the lack of something to say manifests itself; I know it, however, when I hear it. I hear hosts kind of meander around several subjects without committing to one, or without committing to an opinion. I hear it when the host's opinion sounds suspiciously like something he or she just pulled from someone's blog without thinking it through. I especially hear it on some of the "lifestyle" shows that try to do the trick where the show revolves almost entirely around the allegedly "wacky" exploits of the show's minor characters and sidekicks- you can point to shows where that works, but those shows have been around for a decade or more, and the characters and personalities have developed over time. You can't just pop on one day, talk about nothing but the board op's dating woes, and expect the audience to care. That has to develop organically, with enough time for the audience to learn about the cast and care about them. Until then, doing that makes it sound like you came to the studio without anything meaningful to say- you're leaning on supporting characters to make you a show.
(By the way, here's another annoyance I'll just get off my chest while I'm talking about "something to say": the VH1 Syndrome. "Paris Hilton... heh heh... what's up with THAT?" That's what happens on all of those VH1 shows with comedians commenting on celebrity gossip: half of the comments are pretty much "what's up with THAT?," because, well, it's hard to come up with a witty wisecrack sometimes. And hack standup comics assume that's all you need to say to get a laugh, or at least a knowing nod and chuckle. But it isn't. Nevertheless, you'll find the "what's up with THAT?" stuff going on in every market. It's especially popular on some music morning shows. "Lindsay Lohan... what's up with THAT?" "The guy from 'Grey's Anatomy'... what's up with THAT?" "Single-payer health care... what's up with THAT?" If you don't have an answer for that question, don't bring up the topic. Okay, end of rant)
All right, now that you've got a handle on how to project your personality and have something to say, you'll need topics, which- yes, it's time for the weekly plug- means you'll need Talk Topics at All Access News-Talk-Sports, where you'll find the best news items, provocative comments, and kicker stories lovingly hand-picked by a real live person who's done real live talk radio, so you know it's farm fresh. Or something. Anyway, this week's specials include items about stolen cars that won't stay stolen, a tragedy that recalls the basic story line of your basic Yogi Bear cartoon, what the career of Carl Pavano says about, er, Carl Pavano, that noisy-kids story, the freegan lifestyle, proof that your older sibling is smarter than you, what your ringtone says about you, possibly the worst transatlantic flight ever, a particularly interesting teacher-student affair story (with extra added marriage!), Herman Munster's identity theft problems, the super-secret Disneyland club, overrated bands, a pair of really evil babysitters, the problem with Yankee fans and L.A. City Attorneys (separate stories, for now), the ultimate beer glass, and lots of nekkid people, plus "10 Questions With..." WOR/New York afternoon co-host (and longtime TV personality) Lynne White and the rest of All Access with the industry's leading source for the latest news, "Net News," where you may find out your station's changing format before the boss tells you about it, plus Mediabase charts, message boards, the Industry Directory, Arbitron ratings, and much, much more, all for the price of zero. You're welcome.
Again, to everyone who wrote- and there were a lot of you!- thanks, and I will try to get back to everybody. Don't hate me because my Inbox is overflowing.
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