This week's All Access newsletter is a handy guide to being the boss:
As a recovering talk programmer, I still have the impulse to try and "fix" shows when I hear a host doing something wrong. This happens a lot. And when it does, I remember something that gives me great comfort: it's not MY problem.
So I can go on with my day and ignore the host who uses crutch phrases, or the host who can't seem to focus on the topic at hand, or the host who lets a call go on and on and on and on and on. Not my problem. But what if you're the PD and it IS your problem? What's the best way to handle a problem you hear on the air? How do you handle talent?
I don't know, exactly. Everyone has different ways to do it. All I can tell you is how I used to do it, and how in my experience you can get your point across in the most effective manner. I followed a few simple rules, some handed down to me by wise programmers, some at which I arrived through trial and error. Rules like:
1. Wait until the show's over. Unless it's something so egregious that it jeopardizes the license, it can wait. Making a fuss over a mistake or problem during a show will only serve to throw the host off his or her game for the rest of the show. Anything else can wait. It's only radio.
2. Fix one thing at a time. Hitting a host with a list of mistakes all at once guarantees that the serious problems will get lost in the flood of information. If you want to, say, get the host to stop saying "you know" every other phrase, make that the one thing you work on in a post-show meeting or aircheck session. Save the rest for another day. Do you learn stuff better when there's a laundry list of things to retain in your memory, or is it easier to just focus on one thing, commit it to memory, then move on to the next item? See?
3. Don't hotline the talent unless there's a real emergency. If you want to make a host jump out of his or her skin, just dial the hotline. The flashing light alone will throw them off for the rest of the show, even if you hang up before they pick up. You don't want someone who has to go back on the air wondering "what did I do?" all that time. Again, unless it's an emergency, don't dial that number. If you need to tell the board op to play a different promo in the next stop set, call the screener or someone else in the building and have them walk in the message. The hotline is a mind game.
4. Don't yell. Yelling is not a motivator. Stay calm. As my sister used to say, "lose your temper, lose control." If a host is particularly recalcitrant, yelling will not make that host more amenable to your position. But I will admit to having violated that once, and here's why: I'd just gotten yelled at by MY boss. I ended up just transferring his frustration to the hosts, and it was not pretty. The moment I stormed out of the studio, I thought to myself, "now, why did you do that, idiot? Go and apologize." And I did. But I waited until the next break to do it.
5. Don't try to be a friend, either. You may become a friend to your talent, and that's okay -- I ended up with many of my lasting friendships that way. But if you set out to be everyone's buddy, you're ceding your authority. Whether they love or hate you, you are their boss. While you're working together, you need to remember that being too close a friend to some of the talent just complicates matters and undermines your ability to crack down when you need to do that.
6. My wife Fran, who is sitting right here in the office while I try to get this letter done, reminds me that it's important to give positive feedback, too. Hit the talent with nothing but "you did THIS wrong" and "you did THAT wrong" and you'll make them think they do nothing right. You'll be the parent who's never happy or proud of them. Therapists make a fortune from people who never heard a kind word from mommy and daddy. So point out the good things, too. And there ARE good things. There HAVE to be. If there aren't, why did you hire them?
So it tends to come down, at least for me, to being steady and calm, yet authoritative. Now, if you're the talent, remember: That moron telling you to give the call letters more IS your boss. Yes, we all read or saw "Private Parts." Yes, we've all been told by a PD or consultant to do something we didn't want to do. Yes, we've tried to patiently explain that "The Best In Talk Radio Entertainment For The Tri-County Area And The Greater Kickapoo County Region" does not flow trippingly from our tongues, especially when required eight times in a four minute segment. Yes, we've all wanted to throw the boss out the window when he told us his golfing partners didn't think our bit on Wednesday's show was funny. But the boss is the boss. And unless you're indispensable to the station -- unless the GM thinks you're indispensable, and "indispensable" is translated here as "generating revenue that can't be obtained in any other way" -- you're going to have to do what he tells you or be ready to walk. I've done both. You gotta do what you gotta do, whether it's following a particularly stupid programming "rule" or walking away from your job when doing otherwise would keep you up at night or make you sick when you looked at yourself in the mirror.
There ya go, free advice, worth every penny. Also free is Talk Topics, the show prep column at All Access News-Talk-Sports, where so far this week you'll find items on how to dislodge that pesky onion ring stuck in your throat using only your car, an airbag, and a pole, the Great Rabbit Theft of the Puyallup Fair, several stories in the "Don't Tase Be, Bro" category, a very odd family heirloom, the World's Worst Celebrity Fitness Spokesteam, another place they've stuck advertising, the nude convenience store robber of Lackawanna County, the obligatory Freshman 15 articles, "spin rage" at the gym, the impact of Fireman Ed's injury on the New York Jets, the 25th anniversary of the emoticon, Isiah Thomas logic, a stirring tribute to Brett Somers, and "real news" like the Jena 6, the economy, O.J., and other stuff like that, all selected, commented upon, and filled with typos by someone who knows what a radio host needs to do a good show. Plus, you'll find "10 Questions With..." KRLA/Los Angeles host Kevin James (not THAT Kevin James, the OTHER Kevin James, the lawyer and Oklahoma Sooner fan) and the rest of All Access with news, charts, columns, job listings, the Industry Directory, ratings, and more. You know, I've been doing the News-Talk-Sports section for this site for eight years this month, and I'm prouder every year of what we have here at All Access. And there's even more great stuff in store.
Next week, The Letter will come to you live from the NAB Radio Show in Charlotte, should I find the time to write it, that is. Expect the usual bad-mood material. Fun for all!
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