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October 2007 Archives

October 1, 2007

THE MOURNING ZOO

Some friends of mine have been moved by their station from afternoons to mornings. The move came suddenly, so there was no time to adjust.

As someone who's worked in morning radio before, and who starts ridiculously early even today, I know how problematic adjusting to a morning show can be. Some people can do it with no problem. I wasn't one of those people. I never got used to working that early and having to commute 45 minutes to Pasadena at 3:30 in the morning. It didn't help that I also had to continue with my other duties at the station until about 3 or 4 pm, then slog home in traffic all the way down the 110 freeway. That, frankly, sucked, and it felt like I was slicing years off my life.

Nowadays, I still get up well before dawn, before 4, even, and I work late (it's 7:00 pm as I write this). But there's no commute, and most of the job involves sitting in front of the computer monitor typing and taking phone calls. That partially offsets the mind-numbing nature of the job.

But doing mornings involves tricks and habits. Another friend, Frank Murphy, who did mornings both as a host and as producer for people like Kevin and Bean, Don and Mike, and Mark and Brian, used to say that the trick was to sleep in 90 minute multiples: three hours' sleep was better than four, 90 minutes better than two hours. The theory is that 90 minutes is your sleep cycle. I could never master that, because when I know I need to sleep a certain amount, I have a hell of a time actually falling asleep. I might as well stay awake.

Other guys have a routine, like stopping at the same 7-Eleven or Circle K for coffee, the paper, and a Ring Ding at the same time every day. Everybody consumes massive infusions of caffeine (my breakfast beverage of choice back in the day: Mountain Dew). And you end up feeling screwed out of a normal life the rest of the day (sorry, kids, can't watch TV in the evening, gotta get to sleep. DVRs were invented for morning radio hosts) unless you can do the midday nap thing, which I cannot do.

And it's fairly important to do show prep for the following day after your show, as much as possible. You sleep better at night knowing that when you wake up, much of the show's ready for you; a quick check of the show prep sites (coughALLACCESS.COMcough) and the papers and the cable news networks and you're all set. Skip the post-show prep sessions and you have way too much work to do at 4 am.

So even though I wake up now at roughly the same time as morning radio hosts, I don't think I could do that anymore. It would take a LOT of money to change my mind. A LOT of money. What? You have a lot of money to offer?

We'll talk.


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October 2, 2007

THE DAYS ARE GETTING SHORTER

It's weird -- I haven't taken on any new projects lately, but it seems like work is expanding to more completely fill every day. It's 7:25, and other than breaks for running (punctuated by e-mail checks) and a Target run, I've been working since 3:45 or so. My hands ache, my head hurts, and I don't have time to even think of being creative for this site tonight.

I don't quite understand how this happened. It's the same job I've had for, what, eight years? How is it taking more and more of my time? I have no idea. All I know is that a) I stll have stuff to do, b) my brain, it is melted, and c) somehow, tomorrow at noon, I gotta figure out how to fit the Phillies game into this already packed schedule. So excuse me while I try to wrap things up and then fit sleep into the schedule. If the cat lets me sleep, that is.


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October 3, 2007

GAME 1: COLORADO 4, PHILADELPHIA 2

Well, that wasn't very good at all, now, was it?

This one is on the heads of four guys:

Rollins, SS 0-3, 1 walk
Victorino, RF 0-4
Utley, 2B 0-4
Howard, 1B 0-4

And there's your game. Hamels had one shaky inning but shut the Rox down after that. Gordon gave up the Tulowitzki bomb but that's 4 runs, and that shouldn't beat the Phillies at CBP.

You don't want to lost the first game a) at home, b) with your ace on the mound, c) against a team with a lot less rest than you got, d) in a short series. Not fatal, but they're wandering up Broad Street in a daze at the moment, not where you want to be. You don't want to come this far just to look this bad.

Good news: Adam Eaton isn't pitching tomorrow, or perhaps ever again for the Phillies (and isn't on the roster for the post-season- yay!). Bad news: Kyle "Six Innings And A Puff Of Smoke" Kendrick's going, and that'll work only if Rollins, Victorino, Utley, and Howard get their bats out of their asses and start hitting. Start praying... now.


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October 4, 2007

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY...

This week's All Access newsletter does the autopsy on the still steaming corpses of two more FM talk stations:

A couple more FM talkers bit the dust this week, and I fear that too many people in this business are doing the Happy Dance over the corpses. In the wake of the latest casualties came e-mails from people wanting to know which FM talkers would be the next to die, and I sensed a little too much pleasure on the part of the writers, who looked forward to the day when music would return to those frequencies and all would be right with the world again. There are a lot of radio people who are more comfortable with the Best Variety Of Today's Hits And Yesterday's Favorites than with any brand of talk, even though the future of those jukeboxes seems set: voice tracking, nothing local, all the same from town to town. (Oooh! A new "Fresh"! How exciting! I wonder if they'll play "Suddenly I See" or "You're Beautiful"? Because you can't find THOSE songs anywhere else) That, and the performance of the Philadelphia Phillies (motto: "We've Got Jose Mesa and You Can't Stop Us From Using Him"), got me into a particularly dark mood when I started writing this thing.

Why do some FM talk stations succeed while others fail? The latest casualties are reminders of a few points I want to reiterate about FM talk, because, unlike the Happy Dancers, I don't think it's a good thing when talk and personality-driven radio get thrown aside for another 12-in-a-row liner card festival. If and when a brave company decides that it's safe to go back into the water, here are some lessons I hope they'll have learned from those who took the arrows before them:

1. "FM Talk" is not a format. Somehow, the term came to mean something aimed at 18-34 year old males and involving teams of young guys thrown in front of mics with a copy of Maxim magazine. That's one idea, but there are very successful talk stations on FM that talk about politics, about the news, about stuff appealing to women, about sports, about everything. The FM talker in Salt Lake City doesn't at all resemble the one in Orlando or the one in Charlotte or the one in New Jersey. All are successful. And if you put all four styles in one market, they could easily co-exist (right alongside yet another style, your friendly neighborhood NPR talk station) and remain successful.

2. Speaking of throwing young guys in front of a mic with a copy of Maxim magazine, don't do that. Or, more precisely, don't throw just anyone in front of the mic under the misapprehension that, well, if you're trying to appeal to young guys, you gotta have a young guy talking about what young guys care about, which is, as we all know, babes, beer, and more babes. And some fart jokes. Maybe throw in a female sidekick to chuckle disapprovingly because Robin did that for Howard. Turns out that those are not the key elements of a successful FM talk show. What DOES make a successful FM talk show? The same thing that makes a successful AM talk show....

3. ...Get hosts with something to say. Get hosts with a unique point of view. Get hosts who can talk about anything, but always have a lot to get off their chests. Here's how you want it to go: something big happens in the news, and your listeners feel like they just HAVE to tune in to hear what your hosts have to say about it. It doesn't matter whether you're known for lifestyle talk, either; if your target audience is into, say, "Heroes," you want to be the place they all feel compelled to tune into the next morning so they can find out what your hosts thought of the episode. It's not just about guys talking about what they did the night before, it's about hosts who make the audience CARE what they think and do and say, whether it's what they did the night before or illegal immigration or a movie they saw. Or a movie they saw last night about illegal immigration. Is it easy to find people like that? No. But that's no excuse to put someone on who just isn't that interesting, unique, or different.

4. Local is good. That's not to rule out any syndication, but it's good to have at least a couple of shows on which the hosts talk about what's happening right there in town. We've talked before about why this is important, so I'll leave it at that. Also, I'm very, very tired.

So I'm hoping that this year's terminations (and, in some cases, mercy killings) of FM talk stations aren't the end, that soon we'll see companies regroup and try again. It's worth the effort. And I promise that when it happens, I won't do the Happy Dance over the corpses of the music stations that get the axe.

Since I'm too cranky and tired to do a clever segue into the plug for Talk Topics at All Access News-Talk-Sports, I won't even try. Just go there and enjoy the show prep magic, with a big pile o' stories and topics and cheap jokes for your talk radio broadcastin' pleasure, including items on the Great Thai Food Terror Scare of 2007, why you do NOT want to take a dip in the Gowanus Canal, why you should always view guys in Yankee caps with suspicion, how not to get out of going to the class reunion, why Vince Carter might be sporting alligator shirts and Dock-Siders this season, a pregnant 60 year old, the joy of at-bat music, who's selling magazines this year, why professors are rebelling against laptops in class, the tyranny of the pitch count, a teacher who assigns homework to parents, a story that combines the essential topics of strippers, tips, and fertility, and a guy running around Nicolas Cage's house naked except for Nicolas Cage's leather jacket, and that's just a tiny sampling of what's there. There's also a particularly entertaining and hyperlink-laden "10 Questions With..." WXYT/Detroit "Deminski and Doyle Show" phone screener/sidekick/rock star/legend Rudy DeSantis and the rest of All Access with industry news, columns, features, charts, ratings, job listings, all that stuff, all great, all free. Go look.

Next week: Some rambling diatribe about radio with a pessimistic non sequitur about Philadelphia sports somewhere in the middle. At least I'm consistent.


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October 5, 2007

RECOMMENDATION: LABELSCAR

The Internet is a wonderful thing, because you can look anything up and chances are you'll find it. But it's especially wonderful when it reads your mind.

The other day, Fran and I were talking about the Jersey Shore, where she went to high school and we both worked at WJLK, and the topic of downtown Asbury Park came up. WJLK, at the time, was still in the old Asbury Park Press building, and I remembered the eerie hulk of the Steinbach department store on the next block. The store closed in 1979, and it was still there, empty, boarded up, and in bad shape, when I got there in '86. They had a fire, but the place was still standing years later, still neglected, in awful shape. Today? Totally renovated as brand new condos.

But the topic of the Steinbach building came up -- I think it was last night -- and Steinbach in general and then I went to sleep and forgot about it. Today, while looking up something else entirely, I happened upon an amazingly fascinating site to someone like me who's interested in things like "dead malls" and other retailing relics. It's called Labelscar (after a term for the shadow left when the old lettering is removed from a retail building or mall facade) and I ended up paging through much of the site, gazing at the pictures of dead malls of my childhood like Bergen Mall and Wayne Hills Mall. And while I was wasting time with that, up popped... Steinbach, with a photo of the place just as I remembered it. And more Steinbach.

I have no idea if anyone else is interested in those creepy, mostly empty retail palaces, but I am, and if you're as weird as I, go check it out. Bring your Bradlees card.


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October 6, 2007

I CONTROL THE BASEBALL UNIVERSE ONCE AGAIN

It was the seventh inning -- still is -- and I was about to post a bitter diatribe about how the Phillies were pressing and letting Jimenez off the hook, and then Victorino hit one into the right field stands to tie it up and after Ruiz singled the Rockies pulled Jimenez out of there, so never mind.

I'll shut up now.


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ROCKED

I guess I don't control the baseball universe after all.

For once, it wasn't the pitching. Except for game two's troubles with middle relief, the Phillies would have been fine had the bats awoken, but once again tonoght, other than Victorino's homer, the vaunted Phillies offense did absolutely nothing. Hoard hit a garbage-time homer but kept up his strikeout frequency, which is now beyond alarming to the point of needing major attention, and Utley, of all people, just plain disappeared. That's the disappointment for me. I didn't expect anything from the pitching and got pleasantly surprised tonight. I didn't expect anything from Charlie Manuel and didn't get anything. I did expect the bats to wake up, and they didn't, not even at Coors Field, where the balls must have not only been kept in a humidor, they must have had lead weights inserted behind the stitching.

By the way, Philadelphia fans take a lot of abuse for being classless, but Colorado fans didn't exactly cover themselves with glory, what with someone throwing an object into left field while a play was in progress -- and not even drawing a warning announcement over the P.A. -- and a bunch of guys cavorting on camera in shirts that clearly read "PHUCK FILLY." Hilarious. It's a good thing for TBS that, effective last week, they're no longer on broadcast TV.

Fox should be praying that the Red Sox win the AL, or the Yankees win three straight, because a Cleveland-Arizona or Cleveland-Colorado Series will not move the Nielsen needle. Boston-Colorado won't, either, but at least they can count on Red Sox Nation to pump the numbers a little. Personally, I'd love to see Cleveland finally win the Series, because, well, 1948. And it would suck if Cleveland fans had to watch some expansion team beat them once again. Doesn't really matter much to me, though. The Phillies train's derailed, so I'm getting off here. I'll watch what happens next, but not all that intently. I'm more interested in the "Leave It to Beaver" marathon on TV Land, or the "Get Smart" reruns that have quietly popped up on KDOC-TV. It's a long wait 'til next year. Might as well laugh.


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October 7, 2007

FRIENDS WITH BENEFICIAL WEBSITES

I'm too lazy to write my own entry today, so go here and read my friend Joe's very detailed and correct analysis of the HD-DVD vs. Blu-Ray format wars. He's right, across the board. And among his points include some of the reasons I haven't gone out and bought either format yet, and don't plan to do so anytime soon. Really, it's nice but far from a necessity, so I'll pass for now and stick to my upconverting standard def DVD player.

Anyway, he tells it better than I can, so go read it while I go soak my head or something. It's been a long day.


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October 8, 2007

ENNUI ARE THE CHAMPIONS

Chip Caray just pronounced Joe Borowski's hometown "BYE-ohn," the Continental way. BAY-own, dude, BAY-own. Not that it matters much, since Borowski just pulled a Borowski and gave up a monster shot to Bobby Abreu. That's the Borowski method, which is why it would have been fitting had he signed with the Phillies and not the Indians this season: lots of scares before finally shutting the door, which is one slight improvement over the Phils' bullpen much of the season, since they were incapable of shutting the door. He just did that, too -- after a massive foul, Posada struck out, and the series is blessedly over.

This series has at least contained some entertainment, what with gnats and Yankee losses and all. The other series were lacking in excitement, unless wondering what the hell Charlie Manuel was thinking when he pulled Kendrick out of the game in game 2 or what he was thinking when he didn't pull Romero for Myers in game 3 constitutes "excitement." With the Phillies out (no more rooting interest) and the Yankees gone, too (no more rooting-against interest), I don't have a dog in this race. I'd kinda like Cleveland to win one -- 1948! -- but as much as I've developed an animus towards Red Sox Nation, I can't really bring myself to hate Manny-being-Manny or Papi or Ol' "Bloody" Sock. Besides, if the Red Sox win again, it'll really piss off Yankee fans, always a noble thing. The Rockies or DBacks? Aren't they the same team? A Cleveland-Arizona matchup would have the salutory effect of making Fox executives jump off the Nakatomi Plaza tower, but if the Sox make it, I won't be upset.

Frankly, I won't care. Doesn't matter. I just want the season to end so we can move on to... um, not football, since the Eagles suck right now. Not basketball, because it'll be a long season for the Sixers and I'll have to hear nothing but Kobe Kobe Kobe on local sports radio. Hockey isn't a sport anymore. I guess... hmm... well, spring training can't be too far off, can it?

And soon, there'll be no more interruptions for "Frank TV" promos, so there's always that.


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October 9, 2007

'WHAT'S YOUR STORY': THE FIRST PROMOS

Well, look what we have here, the first promos for the new Larry Wachs video feature on Turner's SuperDeluxe:

The series will be a little more timely, of course, but full of the kind of common sense and disturbing thoughts Mr. Wachs displays daily on his website. And it proves there's life after radio, or at least during radio.


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FITTING CODA TO THE PHILLIES SEASON

Oh, no.

Proof that the team's management didn't actually watch any of the games this season.


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October 10, 2007

YOUTUBERY: BEA ARTHUR FLIES!

You'll believe a Golden Girl can really fly!:

I am not responsible for any nightmares you may have.


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October 11, 2007

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": THIS INTERVIEW BROUGHT TO YOU BY GREED

This week's All Access newsletter was inspired by several incidents in which I heard stations go very, very wrong:

It's late, you're tired and cranky, and all you want is a few laughs, so you turn on the TV and try Letterman or Leno. And you watch the monologue, and it's okay, and you're relaxing and enjoying the show when, suddenly, the host turns to the camera and says that now he's going to bring out an arthritis specialist to talk about joint pain and what you can do about it. Suddenly, you're watching an extended interview with a doctor about the benefits of glucosamine and chondroitin. What are you gonna do?

That's ludicrous. Letterman and Leno wouldn't do that. So why do I hear radio talk shows do stuff like that all the time?

Just this week, I tuned into a sports station expecting to hear them talking about the latest Kobe drama or the USC and UCLA debacles, and instead heard a long, tedious interview with a doctor about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I kid you not. It turns out that the station is involved with some sort of sports safety and health expo, the doctor's speaking there, and, well, obviously, someone at the station prevailed upon the hosts to put the doctor on and talk about ADHD. I left the station on just to see how long they'd let the interview last, and it took up an entire segment. By the time I parked and got out of the car, they were still talking about ADHD. ADHD is an important topic to some people, but not to a sports radio audience smack in the middle of the day. If I'd been a "regular" listener, I'd have tuned to the competition within 30 seconds of the start of that interview.

Then there was the talk show that suddenly stopped talking about the topic at hand and went into a real estate segment with some brokers from a particular well-known real estate firm, in what sounded an awful lot like an extended live paid spot. And I could cite more examples, because they happen every day in every market.

Look, I understand why this kind of stuff happens: the host gets approached by the sales manager or the promotions director, and someone made a deal with someone else and it's just for a segment and the guest is really an interesting guy and it's important to the station so you just CAN'T say no. And soon enough, an interesting topic is interrupted for a segment on the importance of biofuels, or the state of podiatry today. The station gets a buy out of it, or a promotional opportunity, and the show... well, the show has to be sacrificed.

But it doesn't have to be sacrificed. You don't see network prime-time TV shows interrupted by an infomercial segment (at least not yet). Even cable news shows, most of them anyway, don't sell interview segments for the sake of a quick boost to the bottom line. (At least, I hope not) The job of the talk radio show is, first and foremost, to entertain, because that's what your listeners are expecting. They come to you for 20 minutes of something interesting, informative, funny, insightful, or all of that, but above all, they're looking to be entertained. That's your primary mission -- and it enables all the other stuff like being informative and insightful. The most informative show won't be any good if it's not entertaining enough to keep the audience involved.

So someone has to tell the sales manager or the promotions director that your show content is not for sale. You -- the host and/or the producer -- should be the ones to decide what the topics will be and which guests make it on the air (if you do guests at all -- that's a topic for another Letter). But I recognize that sometimes you have to promote stuff, so if the station's involved in the Armpit County Corn Festival and Tractor Regatta and they tell you that you're going to have to bring the head of the Agriculture Department at Armpit County Community College onto your show, and you just can't say no, keep it as short as you possibly can, remember to do whatever you can do to keep it entertaining, and look for a job in another market. Seriously, those segments are deadly.

(Speaking of which, I don't want to get into it here, but those Vegas time-share commercials where the host does a recorded fake interview with a faded celebrity? Oy. Just... oy. I wish people in radio had more self-respect, 's all I'm sayin'.)

When it's time to do REAL talk material, of course, you can always find something to talk about at All Access News-Talk-Sports' Talk Topics show prep extravaganza, where you'll find items and links and stupid jokes about lots of topics. What's there so far this week? Plenty, like why your job is making you fat, several people with horrific parenting skills, how a couple of kids made lemonade out of the lemons of living in a dangerous neighborhood, how street racing is getting even more dangerous (and a threat to you and your family), trouble for Klutzo the Christian Clown, why one town is no longer safe for Beer Pong, Snoop Dogg in an orange jumpsuit, several stories involving high school incidents and YouTube, a halftime show to make you forget Janet Jackson, a scientific explanation why your kid will eat only chicken fingers, and way too many items involving pumpkins, because it IS that time of year. Then, check out "10 Questions With..." Bob Lacey, the "Bob" of "Bob and Sheri," who has some interesting things to say about their unique show, plus the rest of All Access with the latest industry news first, ratings, music charts, job listings, the Industry Directory, and much more, all free, as always.

Hey, I just got through the whole thing without mentioning a certain National League East baseball team's performance in the playoffs. Not gonna, either. Some memories are best left in the past. Or in a landfill.


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October 12, 2007

A DEAR JOE LETTER

October 12, 2007

Joe Morgan
ESPN
ESPN Plaza
Bristol, CT 06010

Dear Mr. Morgan:

I was running errands this evening and decided to listen to the American League Championship Series baseball game on ESPN Radio, which you and Jon Miller were broadcasting. I'd gone to Costco -- ran out of bottled water and trash bags, you know how it is, and Costco turned out not to have the trash bags I needed, so you can imagine my annoyance -- and I heard Mr. Miller bring up the topic of Brunei, and how the oil profits in that country are divided up among the citizens.

And that's when you said something that caught my attention. You told Mr. Miller, "Isn't that the way it SHOULD be? Share the wealth."

Interesting. I was unaware that you are a socialist.

But I'm willing to keep an open mind on matters such as this, and I'm even willing to try something different, because you really need to do that -- try new things, that is. So I would like to suggest putting your dream into action. I would hazard a guess that your yearly income is larger than mine by several magnitudes. Here's what we can do about that: let's add our gross yearly incomes together, divide by two, presto: wealth, shared. Since your stated ideal is to "share the wealth," what better way to bring your dream to reality than to do just that, share with one less fortunate than you. You may drop me an e-mail with your tax return attached, including all Forms 1099, so that we may arrive at an accurate figure; I accept cash, cashier's checks, certified checks, or money orders only. Any amounts can be remitted to an address with which I shall provide you forthwith. I trust that you will find this arrangement suitable.

Or you can just shut the hell up.

Sincerely,

Perry Michael Simon
Listener


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October 13, 2007

DEDICATION, OR THE LACK THEREOF

Here's the dilemma: I'd like to put up an interesting and fun post tonight, but in order to do so, I'd have to get up from the living room couch and abandon watching TV. Or I could just throw a placeholder garbage post using my cell phone and selfishly keep watching TV.

I believe I've made my decision.


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October 14, 2007

ENTHUSIASM SUCCESSFULLY CURBED

I didn't like "Curb Your Enthusiasm" at first. It seemed to try too hard to set up situations in which Larry David could do or say something outrageous and unforgivable. But I did eventually get into the show, and I've watched it ever since. With a few dips -- "The Producers" comes to mind -- it's been a reliably funny show. This season, though...

It sucks. Not funny. Shark, jumped.

This season's episodes are doing what I felt about the show in the first place. It's setting up unrealistic situations and Larry's comments and reactions are more non sequiturish than ever, the kind of stuff not even a socially inept boor like he would say. In the good old days, he'd say something stupid but in context, and the comedy would depend on his ineptitude in recovering -- he dug himself deeper as he tried to repair the initial damage. This season, he's just mean, like tonight when he continued to insult the deaf woman's dog even after apologizing to her husband. The situations are more than ever artificial setups telegraphing a later gag, tonight's being his sudden need to shout "spider!" and stomp on one in the schoolyard to the revulsion of all, which was there in order to set up the climactic gag in the theater. And none of it was funny.

The show wasn't a lock to return this season -- I wish it hadn't, because nothing in this season is raising good memories of earlier seasons. Time to go away, Larry.

==============

Much more entertaining, on the other hand, has been the Colorado-Arizona playoff game tonight, not for the game itself (Torrealba's three run blast notwithstanding) but rather the apocalyptic atmosphere of the steady downpour.

Bad weather -- rain for baseball, snow for football -- always makes for good sports watching... on TV. You wouldn't want to be sitting there in the cold with rain pelting you something fierce. But on TV, it looks like that movie with Wesley Snipes as a pre-steroids Barry Bonds-type and De Niro as his stalker, the one where the climax occurs in what appears to be a Category 5. In the dark. Good times. If every game was played in at least a tropical storm... ah, well, one can dream.


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October 15, 2007

TIME-WASTING SCAN THEATER: VINTAGE CLEVELAND INDIANS PROGRAMS

Let's honor one of the combatants in the American League Championship Series tonight:

From 1973:

And 1974:

These were from the bad old mediocre days of the Indians. The 1973 team finished in last place, the 1974 team in 4th. It wasn't like they didn't have talent, though; a very young Chris Chambliss was at first, Buddy Bell at 3rd, Oscar Gamble was the DH, and George Hendrick and John Lowenstein were in the outfield. Gaylord Perry -- an old man at 34 in 1973 -- was the ace. But they had little pitching, traded Chambliss in '74, ended up with what was left of Frank Robinson that same year (he later became the manager), and also had the remains of Rico Carty pass through.

What those teams were best known for, however, happened on June 4, 1974, about a month before the game the second program above was for (a July game against the Angels). June 4 was Ten Cent Beer Night, Indians vs. Rangers, forfeited due to riot. 25,000 people showed up to pound Stroh's -- no limit! -- and streak, moon, flash, and throw stuff onto the field, eventually engaging the Rangers in an on-field rumble, prompting a forfeit. Amusingly, this program still lists three more ten cent beer nights scheduled that season; if I recall correctly, they did sell ten cent beer but put a limit on how many you could buy.

But on July 26, you could see these folks:

I wonder if Ol' George showed up. And that is some kinda hair he's rocking there.


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October 16, 2007

WAAAAAAAAHHHHH

Another way long day. It's getting to me again -- too much work, not enough time. I started writing this morning at 3:45 am and it's 8:36 now, and I just finished a couple of minutes ago. Every time I tried to take a break, like on my daily long run, I had to stop, pull out the Treo, and write stories, because the news didn't take a break, whether it was Howie Carr's court loss in Boston or the strange Randi Rhodes saga fueled by some irresponsible folks on the Net, right up to a few minutes ago.

So I have no time to write what I enjoy writing, and no inclination to be creative. I can't even just sit down and watch some TV to relax -- I missed tonight's Indians-Red Sox game in its entirety because I was working. Not enough sleep, no down time, not good.

On the other hand, it's not like I'm breaking my back on the docks in San Pedro. But what I do is draining, and it leaves little time for relaxing, or playing around (my Wii is waiting), or reading, or... this. So I reserve the right to whine and complain, knowing that it's annoying and boring and unbefitting of a balanced, responsible adult. But I never claimed to be a balanced, responsible adult, did I?


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October 17, 2007

EVERYBODY LOVES YORVIT

No time at all tonight, so here's a picture of Yorvit Torrealba:

It's been a long, slow, tough week, so Yorvit will have to do.


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October 18, 2007

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": KNOW YOUR ENEMY

This week's All Access newsletter is an exercise in knowing what we're up against:

I'm going to make this one quick, because it's been a long week, I'm cranky and tired, and there's a ballgame to watch, so here ya go, some thoughts on block programming sales, which came up again in the news this week. After the idea was floated, then floated away for now, some people asked me what I thought about it, and I told them this: I understood exactly why a station would consider it.

What? Understand it? Have I lost my mind? (Yes, but that's not relevant here) Isn't that exactly against what I always say about infomercials? Hold on, I'm not endorsing the practice, not at all. What I'm saying is that I understand why a station would look into it and why, in some cases, it would seem to make sense to do it. (Putting the infomercials on is still ultimately the wrong decision to make, but I'll get to that. Bear with me.)

The idea of brokering time on an otherwise non-brokered station is really the market at work. Look, put yourself in the General Manager's position. You're being pounded by corporate to get revenues up, and when you do, they want you to get them up even more. Every quarter, it's the same thing. It's your job to make more money, and spot advertising is not cutting it. So if you can get a good buck selling off-peak time in half-hour or hour blocks, you're going to look at that.

But won't that ruin the station's programming? Yeah, but you're getting ahead of yourself. Before that, do the math: the station could pay a host, say, a few hundred bucks to do a local show, plus maybe a board op. And then the sales staff has to go out and sell the spots, and in an off-peak time period, that won't amount to much. It might only mean clearing network and ROS spots. Or you could do syndication -- same thing, without the talent fee, minus a few barter spots. Or you sell the blocks, rake in good money, and incur zero expenses -- pure profit. Looking at it that way, you can't refuse to consider it. You'd be failing your duty to your bosses and your shareholders if you didn't look into it. And it sounds like a no-brainer.

But it also, of course, poses a long-term threat to the station's programming. And... well, this is where a PD or talent has to have his or her arguments ready to go. If you're trying to argue against what appears to be a safe-bet cash infusion, you'd better bring your A-game for the debate. Here's what I'd argue:

1. There is no such thing as off-peak where programming is concerned. There's no throwaway time. Any time any listener might happen to tune in needs to have compelling programming. If you're doing anything else, you're risking driving that listener away for good. (I'm up early every day, including weekends. I expect quality radio when I tune in, any time I tune in. Give me the Antioxidant Hour and I'll change that preset)

2. You need to have a bench ready to go for other dayparts. Any time sold to a brokered show is a lost chance to help develop your next morning host, your next afternoon host, your next star. You can't complain about the lack of available talent while cutting the opportunity for new talent down to zero.

3. Brokering means you lose control. You're risking your station's reputation. If there's a case of Body Solutions in your prize closet, you know what I mean. With a local show, what goes out over the air is yours. With a legitimate syndicated show, you know what the quality will be. With an infomercial, quality is job none.

4. Yes, it's hard to sell spots for those weekend shifts. Maybe that's where you can sell spots to clients who can't afford your prime rates. Maybe that's what you can have trainee salespeople try to sell. Maybe you can test out selling single-sponsor hours or some other unusual opportunity. It's a chance for the sales department to be creative.

5. If it's such a great deal, why not sell time every day? Why not sell it in middays? Wouldn't you get a LOT of money for that? What? It would hurt ratings and hurt the station's ability to make money in other dayparts and give the station a bad image and sound? Exactly. (Be careful -- you don't want to give anyone any bright ideas)

And if all of this falls on deaf ears, well, at least you tried. But have some sympathy for the GM, as hard as that may be to muster. If you've never sold advertising, you have no idea what pressure there is to sell, especially now with spot revenue down. So if you're a PD and the sales department or GM comes to you with something you know is crazy and would kill your ratings, hear them out, be understanding, smile... and tell them no. But be ready to make your arguments well, because the other side has one compelling argument that's hard to beat: money.

That's enough for now, because it's late on Thursday as I write this and I want to get back to watching Manny being Manny, so let's quickly race through the plug for All Access News-Talk-Sports and the Talk Topics show prep column. Here's what's there this week: tornadoes, Joe Torre, opera-singing fullbacks, bad airport screeners, exploding mailboxes, the late Joey Bishop, Manny indeed being Manny, immigration trouble, '60s-style protests, "white-out" copycats, abandoned shopping carts, the Hobbit Grille, engagement ring lawsuits, the late Teresa Brewer, workplace swearing, BEE ATTACK!!!!, and Escape From New Jersey, plus much, much more. And there's "10 Questions With..." syndicated auto expert Bobby Likis of Car Care Clinic fame, and the rest of All Access like the industry's best news coverage and columns and message boards and ratings and music charts and more that I'd remember better had Internet Explorer not just spontaneously shut down. I swear, I'm THIS close to buying a Mac. Anyway, All Access is radio's best resource and it's all free, so come on over.

Last thing: Saturday's my wedding anniversary -- 17 years! -- so... Happy Anniversary, Fran. And I'm fully aware that mentioning it in this letter is not a substitute for a card. Or a present. (Can't blame me for trying)


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October 19, 2007

ANYTHING FOR SWAG: THE DEBUT OF "WHAT'S YOUR STORY?"

Here you go, Larry, the first official episode of SuperDeluxe's "What's Your Story?":

Now, where's my t-shirt?


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October 20, 2007

THE ANNIVERSARY PLOTZ

Today was our 17th anniversary, Fran and mine, and it was a really nice day. We had tea -- tea! -- at the Huntington Library and Botanical Garden in San Marino, strolled amongst the roses and herbs and trees, did some shopping at Century City where I practically moved into the Apple Store -- I am SO close to springing for an iPod Touch, and I'm going to find an iMac or MacBook hard to resist next time I have to upgrade the computers -- and that was pretty much it. But it was just nice to spend time together, and it reminded me of how lucky I am to be part of Fran's life and to have her be part of mine. We've been through a lot together. I'm more grateful every year that we'll be together for more, whatever comes our way.

Tea at the Huntington is a buffet, very girly and petite for a buffet, all finger sandwiches and stuff like that, but good. I loaded up on fruit and cheese and tiny but wonderful desserts -- brownies, fruit tarts, little chocolate mousse cups -- until I was about to burst. But in a good way. Still, I'm gonna need some man food, like barbecue anything, to balance out the daintiness. After tea and scones, something that goes with beer is the only antidote.

As for the roses, the ones at the Huntington are prize-winners and specially bred, and carry all sorts of fancy names. Some are named after famous people. You'd expect Bob Hope here:

And Cary Grant isn't a stretch, either:

I loved this one:

And game show panelists were similarly honored:

Wanna see Barbara's bush?:

Unlike the namesake's business, these plants didn't seem to be struggling:

But you can't make up this one -- Rosie's roses are dead:

They probably committed suicide after discovering whose name they carry.

=====================

I don't want to end this with a downer, but early thins morning, I ran past one hell of a crime scene. According to the paper, there had been a high speed chase along the road that winds around the edge of the cliffs, the road along which I run, and the driver of the car being chased drove it right off a cliff and crashed to the ocean 200 feet below. The driver was killed, and a passenger is missing. But when you see where the car went, you can't imagine anyone surviving. Here's a shot I took with my crappy Treo camera looking down 200 feet to the rocks and surf below:

That black spot in the middle, at the edge of the water, is the car. The roof was caved in, and it just sat there with the water buffeting it. Maybe it wasn't such a necessity for that guy to escape from the cops after all. In retrospect, jail would have been an improvement.


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October 21, 2007

A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

Today was the big community block party, which in a lot of ways is proof that high school never ends. They put up picnic tables and served hot dogs and burgers, and each street's residents brought some food -- ours was salad -- and they had some bar band playing adult contemporary bar band favorites and it was very nice. But I found it interesting that everyone split up into little cliques right away. A bunch of youngish yuppies sat at one table, and when I nodded and said hello, they didn't respond. I wasn't cool enough for the cool-kids table. There were tables with older couples, too. We sat with, and enjoyed the company of, our immediate neighbors, but with a couple of exceptions -- people who've seen me running and noticed my recent weight loss -- I didn't get the feeling that I'm part of the neighborhood. We've lived in this house for 11 years and I still don't really know too many people in the neighborhood. The older residents are friendly enough, but the younger ones aren't. But, then again, I wasn't welcome with the cool kids in school, either.

It's nothing new, of course. Back when I was growing up in New Jersey suburbia 40 years ago, we didn't know many of the neighbors. We didn't even have block parties, either. And it all turned out all right, but I sometimes think it might be nice to know a few more people in our immediate area. I doubt that'll happen, though, at least not with the younger folks, who don't really seem like our type, whatever that may be. I'm pretty sure I don't have a lot in common with them, considering that they appear to be USC frat boys-turned-yuppie fathers and I'm... me. I don't really fit in anywhere. That used to bother me more until I realized that I'd never change and I couldn't ever be what everyone else is. I don't have kids, I don't drive a Beemer to a lucrative corporate job, I don't know what I'd even say to them or if I have anything in common with them. And it doesn't matter. I like me well enough.

Still, I'd like a friendlier neighborhood. It's weird to live someplace 12 years -- longer, actually, than many of those neighbors -- and still be an outsider at the new-kids table. At least they don't administer swirlies anymore.


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October 22, 2007

SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EVERYTHING

"Are you okay?"

That was the question of the day for Southern Californians. For the record, yes, we're okay -- the fires you see on TV are the fires we see on TV, too, the nearest being about 40 miles north in Malibu or about the same distance southeast in Orange County. The difference between outsiders and us is that we can smell the fires while we watch them on TV. The smoke and soot have drifted over the entire basin, even all the way here at the coast, and everything is shrouded in haze. It made for a spectacular sunset, a perfectly round orange shimmering sun surrounded by an ethereal glowing aura. It also made for burning eyes, scratchy throats, occasional expellations of phlegm, and an occasional desire to find air conditioned quarters and stay there. There was also the sight, driving down Crest Road near Hawthorne, of Malibu through a grayish/brownish gauze, a thick plume of gray smoke billowing from one spot.

You watch the fires on TV and wonder who would ever choose to live in such a place with wildfires, earthquakes, mudslides, Britney and LiLo driving free. We see this stuff first-hand and wonder the same thing, yet we stay because we still can't imagine living anywhere else. We tell ourselves that there are hazards everywhere, and then we cough and rub our eyes and head for Starbucks or Ralphs and go about our lives. Other than the smoke and irritation, today was pretty much like every other day, same work, same routine. I count myself lucky that it was like that today. There are a lot of people in Malibu, in Foothill Ranch, in Agua Dulce and Lake Arrowhead and all over San Diego County, who weren't so lucky. You might want to help out through the American Red Cross of San Diego/Imperial Counties or the American Red Cross of L.A. or dial 1-800-RED-CROSS. And KFI has a great resource links page here, and for San Diego, KOGO has a similarly useful page here, as does KFMB-TV.

So, we're okay, thanks for asking. We'll join you in praying for the people who aren't okay tonight.


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October 23, 2007

REPORT FROM SOMEWHERE NOT ALL THAT NEAR THE FRONT LINES

We're still here.

The surreality continued unabated today, the smell of barbecued Malibu and Santiago Canyon still hanging in the air, the bustle of business-as-usual coexisting uncomfortably with the knowledge that only a short drive away, people were losing their homes or bivouacing in a football stadium or their cars or a tent in a parking lot. The radio is a stream of eyewitness bad news; the TV is mostly the same. Things may be getting better tonight, with winds finally dying down, but the fires are still burning, there aren't nearly enough resources to get to everything at once, and it's all getting fatiguing even to those who aren't in the literal line of fire.

But life continues to go on between the fires. The Lakers are playing in Anaheim while Foothill Ranch is burning down the road. People are going to the movies, shopping, having a leisurely dinner in Hollywood while the odor of charcoal lingers around them. The 7-Eleven guys were out hanging flags for their Grand Opening celebration while a smoke-shrouded Malibu was visible across the bay from where they stood. I remember feeling how weird it was to observe people going on with regular life immediately after 9/11, and this is in the same category. Life-or-death struggles co-exist with getting a burger and fries at the In-N-Out drive-thru.

We're still here.


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October 24, 2007

GAME 1: WHAT? THERE WAS A GAME ON TONIGHT?

Yeah, I watched the game. Okay, not really. I watched until it was 3-1, then settled in to catch up on "Mad Men" and "CSI" on the DVR while the Sox piled up the runs. It wasn't difficult to see this one coming -- Francis didn't have it, the Rockies weren't going to touch Beckett, and, well, I had better ways to spend my time than to deal with Buck and McCarver and countless Dane Cook promos (and no, the absence of "Frank TV" promos isn't enough of a saving grace to counteract Dane Cook).

I did check back in from time to time, though, and noted that the Sox kept Beckett in there an awfully long time in a blowout situation -- Francoma Strikes Again! -- and that they brought in Gagne in the one situation this season that it was safe to do so, a 12 run lead. But unless you're a big Boston fan, this one was the kind of game you check in with a few times while watching something else. I feel like I used my brief leisure time this evening in a constructive manner.


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October 25, 2007

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": RADIO ON FIRE

This week's All Access newsletter followed four days of listening to L.A. and San Diego fire coverage. I heard some excellent coverage, but I thought about how I found myself looking for more and faster information (like, for example, how close the Malibu fires were to All Access World Headquarters), and how radio couldn't give me that but the Web could. And when I noted that I wasn't finding everything I wanted from the radio station websites, I realized that, like for snow closings, radio's role in emergencies is changing fast:

Terrestrial radio -- I know, the NAB wants us to call it something else, like "SuperGroovy Radio 2.0 HD" -- is everybody's whipping boy these days. The industry is like a kid with a target painted on his forehead and a "Kick Me" Post-It stuck to his back, and we all indulge in making fun of him from time to time. I do it here practically every week. Lord knows, the industry often deserves the criticism, and I don't have to tell you why. Radio hasn't been having a good decade.

But when something happens and radio gets to show what it can do, it largely does the job. That's what happened this week when Southern California caught fire. We had ourselves a full-scale, big-time emergency, and radio did what it has to do under those circumstances. I heard most of the talk stations in Los Angeles and San Diego doing an admirable job under trying circumstances. Most stations did what I'd hope they would do on the air -- all hands on deck, everyone pressed into action, wall-to-wall coverage, lots of information. (A few stations stuck with national political or sports shows. If you can't afford a news staff, at least simulcast a local TV station's coverage. But running a "best-of" taped show while your listeners are fleeing their homes? Sad)

What's interesting, though, is how radio's role in emergencies may be changing. After all, radio and TV are no longer the only media available to get the word out, and in some ways, the Web is a tremendously effective news medium. Web pages mean a user doesn't have to wait for a radio announcer to say where the fires are or what the traffic is, because it's there on a map. Need a shelter location? It's instantly there. Radio can't do that, not on demand, at least.

But the Web can't do everything, either. You're in your house, you smell the smoke, and suddenly the Reverse 911 call comes and you're told to immediately get out of your house and get on the road. So you grab what you can, throw it in the trunk, and you're in your car and unsure what's happening or where to go. That's when you fire up your laptop and you hop on the Net and... oh, wait, you're not going to do that because you're driving. OK, so you'll whip out your iPhone and pull up a website and... no, most people don't have iPhones and most cell phones have terrible, slow web browsing on tiny screens. The Net is great -- you're soaking in it! -- but when you're in your car and stuck in an endless line of traffic and you want to know what's happening, you're going to turn on the radio.

Terrestrial radio still has some advantages: it's in almost every car. It's very portable. You can use it without having to look at the screen or wait for a page to render. It can't give you instant access to exactly the sliver of information you may need like a web page can, but it can impart critical information in an immediate and useful manner, and that's what I heard on stations across the dial, commercial and public.

But radio stations aren't just radio stations anymore, or at least they shouldn't just be radio stations. If people are increasingly turning to the Net for the information radio excels at delivering (snow closings, anyone?), radio stations ought to take a long and hard look at whether their Internet offerings do the job. Your web site is an increasingly important part of what you produce. In this case, some stations' web pages DID have things like emergency numbers and news and other critical information, but those pages were usually hard to find. You had to click through to find the information, and that information wasn't always there. (I just checked -- one prominent station's web page requires drilling down two pages in the corporate template to get the news headlines, at least three for the actual stories and information, and the breaking news page was last updated early this morning, and it's late in the evening Thursday as I write this) Even if the people fleeing in their overloaded Ford Tauruses can't look at your web page, lots of people who have web access and power are still coming to your site for the news, and you need to make sure it's there, easily accessible and updated as frequently as you'd want to update your on-air news, or more.

Here are a few things I'd like to see every station do:

1. In an emergency, your home page doesn't need to be promoting your shows. And it doesn't need fancy graphics. It's an emergency. Your listeners are relying on you. The page needs to make it easy for users to find the news. Put it right there on the front page, with easily navigated links to more details. Use maps and graphics, too, but put them up front so someone who's in a hurry doesn't have to find the link and click several times to get there. It might be a good idea to create an emergency template for your site to slap onto the Web when you need to strip it down to the essentials. And if your station wants to be a dominant news provider, news headlines and briefs should be a focal point of your home page even in non-emergency times -- newspaper and TV station websites are doing that now, and if you're trying to compete with them but your news is on some secondary page, you'll lose that battle.

2. Update, update, update. Someone should be pumping the news onto your site all day and night. A rolling blog on the front page is good. Set up a feed and do it. Some of the best sources of information were at hyper-local news sites that provided exactly that, nothing but a list of continually updating stories with maps and information. If they can do it with no budget, you have no excuse not to do the same.

3. You put listeners on the air to tell what's happening in their neighborhoods, so let them post information and video on your site, too. Your audience is a community -- take advantage of that. Posting cell phone video and messages are the new media equivalent of calling in to talk on the air. Again, you're not just a radio station anymore.

4. If your site doesn't have a mobile version, make one so that when people DO have a moment to check the Net with their cell phones, they can read your information. Someday, all cell phones and portable devices will do what the iPhone does and display full web pages, but not yet.

Okay, you have your assignment for tonight. But regarding what I heard on the air from talk and news radio this week, there's a lot about which "regular radio" can be proud, too.

The fires were not the only news of the week, of course, at least outside this area, so All Access' show prep bonanza Talk Topics continued to provide hosts -- maybe even you! -- with plenty of other material. Among those very items were stories about "adult-friendly" theaters, dangerous Halloween decorations, whiskey in the baby bottle, a spectacular drinking binge in Wal-Mart, New Jersey stink bugs, the Worst Fall TV Season Yet, glow-in-the-dark shrimp, the staph infection and why hospitals aren't yet testing everyone for it, why you should be careful about eating that dead dog, how restaurants are reaching new levels of expensive, Diddy vodka, nude Vermonters, pooping pigeons, a real-life Homer Simpson in Sector 7-G, what really happened to Tony Soprano, where the germs are, and a stirring tribute to the late inventor of Rice-a-Roni, plus stuff about the fires, the World Series, the candidates, the war, and pretty much every other news topic. This week's "10 Questions With..." is a visit with WLnk (107.9 The Link)/Charlotte and Link Radio Network PD Neal Sharpe, who has interesting things to say about his station's non-traditional format, and the rest of All Access has the usual stuff like the industry's leading source for news, message boards, columns, ratings, job listings, music charts, a searchable industry directory, and much more, all free.

Let's close this week by sending our thoughts and prayers to the many people who lost their homes and possessions in the fires and to the firefighters who have had to knock these fires down in incredibly tough conditions. And let's hope that none of us have to go into emergency mode again anytime soon.


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October 26, 2007

COMING ATTRACTIONS

Sometimes, material just drops into your lap, and some dropped into mine this evening, but it left me with a choice: just write it down or get video. I'm going to try to get that video. All I'll say is God bless local cable access and low budget video and school board candidates and lack of taste. Don't know if or when I'll get the video, but I'll try.

Some other fun happened today, but some things are better left as amusing anecdotes over beer at conventions. As a wise man once said, or should have, never leave a paper trail.


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October 27, 2007

SHORT ATTENTION SPAN POST: MALL

Just after helping a friend fix his Internet connection, my laptop crashed and I lost a long post about my day at the mall. It's too late to recreate, except for this: Lunch, fat women in tight shirts, low-rent stores, expensive sunglasses, the end.

You didn't miss much, Now, let me post this before I lose the connection again.


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October 28, 2007

LOCAL GOVERNMENT CHEESE, PART I: GOD BLESS THE PALOS VERDES SCHOOL BOARD

The other day, I told you about material that dropped into my lap. Unfortunately, I couldn't record all of it. Fortunately, I did catch some of it.

It was, and is, a campaign special on leased public access on my cable system. It's a musical about, um, the school board race, and it features a band and a smarmy goateed guy singing and doing horrible standup and three cheesy backup singers and lyrics altered to be about the election. It's... horrible.

I WILL get the rest. There's too much there NOT to highlight. In the meantime, enjoy the rousing closing number, a heartfelt rendition of a Lee Greenwood favorite, complete with old people in suits waving flags:


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October 29, 2007

PORTER, WE HARDLY KNEW YE (NOW WITH SPECIAL BONUS BIG JOE!)

Porter Wagoner's dead.

Can't say I remember him much.

Okay, that's not exactly true, since he was on TV and I was always aware of everything that was on TV. "The Porter Wagoner Show" was one of those shows that ran on weekends on UHF, in the Country Ghetto with the Marty Robbins show and the Bill Anderson show and the Donna Fargo show (yes, she did have a show!) and shows with Ralph Emery. You'd get a whole bunch of them in a row on Saturday afternoon or evening, and they seemed beamed in from a parallel universe where cheesy sets and cheesy music and cheesy technical standards were the norm.

Porter Wagoner stood out to me because of that hair and those Nudie jackets. The others were just cheesy and lame, but Porter Wagoner was cheesy and glowed in the dark. Huge pompadour, sequins, and Dolly Parton -- what's not to like? But the shows were very, very plain -- nothing fancy, just Porter and the boys playin', then Dolly out for a duet, then a guest performer, nothing but lots of twang shot seemingly through gauze on early Ampex videotape. Low-budget, no pretensions, earnest and square as it gets.

I wish we had TV like that nowadays.

Oh, wait, we do:

Big Joe Siedlik for President!


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October 30, 2007

LOCAL GOVERNMENT CHEESE, PART II: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK (BACK AND FORTH, SLOWLY)?

Here's more from that Palos Verdes school board campaign special, a rousing rendition of "We Will Rock You," campaign/lounge style:

"That was fun, wasn't it?"

No.


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October 31, 2007

CANDY GONE BAD

The trick, of course, to Halloween is to stick to candy you don't like. That's what we did this year, more than ever, more than last year, when the Starbursts and Kit-Kats made their way into our diets after fewer than expected kids came by. We weren't going to make the same mistake this time.

And we didn't. It took a single trip to Target to fill all of our Halloween needs. Here's what we bought, from best to worst:

1. Sour Skittles!

Skittles are too sweet for me, a little sweeter and more artificial, if that's possible, than Starbursts. How to remedy that? Load on some salt and make 'em "Sour"! I kinda like these in moderation, but I can take or leave them. I vote leave. In a similar vein....

2. Sour Patch Kids!

Soft gummis with salt on 'em. The red ones are good, the orange okay, the green adequate, the yellow unpleasant. And I get sick of them after only a couple. But that's more than I can take of....

3. Swedish Fish!

These have a not terribly pleasant texture, not unlike a pink rubber eraser like you used in elementary school. The flavor, though, isn't horrible; it's somewhere between cough syrup and a cherry Life Saver. Okay, that's horrible, but it's not as bad as...

4. Airheads!

The texture is rolled, slightly softer Now 'n' Later. The flavor screams Dow Chemical. The effect is like anti-candy. They're good for a diet, because they taste so terrible that you won't want candy ever again. But, like all the others here, the kids, they love 'em.

They can have 'em.


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About October 2007

This page contains all entries posted to PMSimon.com in October 2007. They are listed from oldest to newest.

September 2007 is the previous archive.

November 2007 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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