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You may have noticed that I don't do lists or awards here. That's because I'm laz.. er, because there's already plenty of action in that area. Besides, I think EVERYONE in talk radio is a winner, so singling anyone out for....

Nah, can't say that with a straight face. But that raises the question of what makes one host better than the rest, what the magic is that elevates some over others. The short answer is that I don't know, because what I think makes a good host doesn't always correspond to those "best" lists and awards. What I DO know is what I like to hear in a host, and that can make up a little list in itself. So....

1. Be unique. There are a zillion Rush clones and Hannity clones out there. What makes you different? Let your personality, your unique take on topics come through. Sound like nobody else. (This might not get you hired everywhere; some programmers tend to favor hosts who sound like other successful personalities) Don't have anything unique about you? I doubt that, but if so, this might not be your best vocational option.

2. Entertain. That's the job description.

3. Represent. Be your audience's champion. If someone -- the government, perhaps -- is doing something that causes your listeners pain -- raising taxes, for example -- take up their cause, be relentless, be their hero.

That's my short list. It's no Hot 100 list or Best 25 or Host of the Year award, but I like to think it's a little more practical. And if you want to know who'd be on my list of best talkers, just apply the above criteria and do it yourself. But you'll have to pay for the plaques.

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Here it is again: Raising money for breast cancer (and other women's cancer) research and treatment. Revlon Run/Walk in Los Angeles, May 9. I walk. You donate. Go here: https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/la/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=480054. Greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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What do all great radio talkers have in common? Why, they all use All Access News-Talk-Sports and the Talk Topics column for show prep, of course. At least, I think everyone who reads the column is great. You're great, right? Then you probably already know that this week's treasure trove of topics includes why the Dr. Phil show is not the best place to confess a life of crime, a particularly unpleasant air travel companion, the real reason Tropicana changed its carton design back to the old version, dogs giving blood, a nail in the nose, a really expensive traffic ticket, a bunny with two noses, a ban on candy cigarettes, the rise of goat meat, Craigslist as a weapon, the Queen's new iPod, an interesting proposal regarding who shouldn't be allowed to play the lottery, the mystery of the disappearing beer, an unfortunate incident involving a fish and a throat, a $350,000 dog collar, the bright side of getting fired, the Childhood Bowl Cut Challenge, and so much more. It's only another click away to read "10 Questions With..." KMJ-A-F/Fresno Program and Operations Manager Skip Essick and the rest of All Access with the news and the columns and the directory and the ratings and the jobs and the flavin. All free, too.

This came up when I observed the reaction on newspaper websites this week to a new show at a big station in a big market. The station brought in a team from a nearby market, and before the show was even a few minutes old, the comments attached to articles about the show were filled with "I'm never listening to the station again" and "I can't believe they got rid of the former host for this." It's one of the reasons that I've always advised hosts not to spend a lot of time looking at message board posts about themselves. All it will do is administer some nasty bruises to your ego. I long ago lost count of the number of times I've had to calm down panicked hosts who'd read some horrible criticism of themselves on some obscure Internet message board.

Of course, the comments don't really reflect anything of value. The people who post stuff like that aren't unbiased, dispassionate, independent observers. In fact, you can't really tell who they are -- they could be fans, board ops, competitors, angry old girlfriends, single-minded political wonks, or even the bully who used to beat you up in elementary school. In this case, the sample was probably affected by the fact that the articles made a big deal, even in the headlines, of the new hosts' ostensible political affiliation. Never mind that the show isn't really political, or that the station happens to have a morning host of the same political persuasion and has had personalities on either side of the aisle throughout the years. Those articles were like a red flag, and the bulls started charging before the show was 30 seconds old. I know that the hosts know that, and the program director knows that, and that they'll give the show the time it needs to succeed.

But that's not always the case. I've been in situations myself where I've put a new show on the air, and the second guessing started from within the building as soon as the first segment was over. I've been told to my face that a whole format change would be a disaster before the first week was out. (It was not a disaster) And practically every single successful host and station in talk radio received negative reaction at the start. The difference between then and now, of course, is that the Internet has made it easy for the naysayers to spread the word.

So, if you're a talent, as tempting as it might be to read all about yourself and Google your name to see what people are saying about you, keep in mind that it doesn't necessarily reflect the general audience. It's like a self-selected focus group. Most people, including that large number of people to whom you're trying to appeal, just aren't going to care quite enough to write their thoughts about you on the Internet. Think about it: How many times do you write things about people and companies and shows and products that you like or dislike? You're too busy for that. So are most people. And if you're going to discount the criticism, you also, to some extent, have to discount the praise. It's like a skating competition where you have to remove the top and bottom scores from consideration.

How, then, do you find out what people think about the show? I think that's the wrong question. It turns out that the way this business works, it doesn't matter whether people like or dislike your show. It matters whether they listen. And if you do a compelling and entertaining show, they will listen. Maybe you shouldn't be looking to see what they're saying about you; you should be looking to see what people care about and are passionate about in the news and in the community and in pop culture, and you should talk about that.

And, yes, I'm fully aware that you're going to go and Google yourself anyway. So, if you must, just remember: It's for entertainment purposes only.

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Rememmber, my wife Fran and I are walking on May 9 to raise money for women's cancer research and treatment in the Revlon Run/Walk at USC and the Coliseum in Los Angeles. Again, I know that this year is tough and that many of you just aren't in a position to give, but if you can, it's a great cause and your donation will be greatly appreciated. Just go to https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/la/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=480054 to make a donation.

In addition, if you're feeling particularly generous or if you'd prefer to donate to another worthy cancer charity, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, All Access' own Country Editor Jim Asker is running the Music City Marathon's half-marathon and is gunning for $10,000 in pledges. Jim has an amazing story of survival and it just happens to be in today's Tennessean; read about Jim at http://www.tennessean.com/article/20090410/SPORTS10/904100340/1002/SPORTS and donate at http://pages.teamintraining.org/tn/cmc09/jasker. I'm extremely proud and inspired by both Fran and Jim, and I hope you are, too. On behalf of them and myself, thank you!

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I've pushed the deadline to the limit today, so I have to keep the plug for Talk Topics at All Access News-Talk-Sports short. Just go there for material for your show, okay? This week's items include Zamboni lessons, chocolate spray, foreclosure stories, telephone sabotage, foul-mouthed old people, the failure of the sex tax, raccoon bashing, body odor, flaming hair, and much more, including all of the "real news" topics with tangles that you may not have seen elsewhere. Then there's "10 Questions With..." WSKY/Gainesville's TJ Hart and the rest of All Access with all the usual great news and features that you've come to expect from the radio and music industries' biggest and, if I may be so bold, best website. And it's all free.

Radio is in (adjective) shape these days. Why, with all the cuts they've made, I hear that (name of large radio group) has nobody left in the building after 6 pm in (name of medium market). What would happen if (natural disaster) happened there? At least (inane music format slogan) would continue uninterrupted.

And how about (name of another large radio group)? (Name of CEO) is doing an (adjective) job, isn't (gender-appropriate pronoun)? If (gender-appropriate pronoun) keeps this up, the stock will be sure to be at (number between zero and 100) in no time at all!

By the way, did you hear what (name of talk host) said about (controversial issue) this week? I can't believe (gender-appropriate pronoun) really believes what (gender-appropriate pronoun) is saying. But you gotta admit, (gender-appropriate pronoun) knows how to get attention.

Truth is, the stories pretty much stay the same all the time, which is why you can really just drop in any names and get something approaching current news. That was my reaction to the Clear Channel announcement this week, the one with the "Premium Choice" or "Premium Blend" or whatever they call it. Everyone saw it coming a mile off: "repeater radio." But talk radio has been like that for years. And the lesson for folks working in radio right now hasn't changed. If you're at a station where the PD is under heavy pressure to add some "Premium Unleaded" because it's free, the only thing you can do is to make yourself irreplacable. Do a great show, make the station a lot more money than you cost, and give your PD the ammunition he or she needs to save your job. It's the same as it was before "Premium." Truth be told, it's always been like that, and not just in radio, either. No matter what you do, you have to make yourself too valuable to lose, and you have to give your boss a reason to argue your case to the boss above. It's the only thing under your control. That means hard work, tons of show prep, originality, creativity, building a community of listeners who will go wherever you do. Doesn't mean you won't get fired anyway, but it's the best shot you have. And if you can't explain to yourself what makes you better than the "Premium" stuff from out of town (and "well, I'm here and they're not" is NOT enough), then don't expect to stick around.

And that's no (mammal) (synonym for waste).

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Once again, here's a reminder that my wife Fran and I are raising money for breast cancer (and other women's cancer) research and treatment at the Revlon Run/Walk in Los Angeles on May 9. We walk, you donate, good things happen. Go here: https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/la/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=480054. I know how tough things are out there, but any help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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What's up at All Access News-Talk-Sports' Talk Topics show prep column this week? It's the usual stockpile of material that'll help jump start your show when you need a hand, including items about how much money it takes for a mother to rat out her own son, the difficulty of sharing a name, age, location, and occupation with a murder suspect, the positive side of Happy Meals, why the 9 year old burned down the dollar store, football on the High Holidays, America's "most miserable sports city," a guy a little TOO into Guinness records, and possibly the worst wedding rehearsal meal ever, plus a lot about the economy and other "real news" in a way you won't find anywhere else. This week, there's also "10 Questions With..." KQTH (104.1 The Truth)/Tucson's Andrew Lee and the rest of All Access with all the news and columns and ratings and job listings and other stuff you've come to expect from the radio and music industries' biggest website. Come on over; it's free.

I MATTER

...and I thought, well, that's pretty pathetic. I was, it appeared, walking into a room full of people seeking affirmation. Maybe they were all looking for a hug, or a pat on the back. How precious! Yes, yes, you DO matter. Yes, you do. Here's a cookie.

In truth, the sticker was a little more verbose: in small letters, it continued, "...when it matters most." I thought that it meant that radio matters when there's an emergency or something like that, but I looked it up and the phrase came up in a press release promoting... the convention. The convention matters. Ah.

Well, that made no sense. But that shouldn't surprise anyone.

Radio has always been secondary at the April convention, but it's become more and more marginalized over the years. These days, it's not just about television, which always occupied about 2/3 of the space on the exhibit floor; they've changed the theme to some general "content" thing like "Where Content Comes To Life" or "We're Content-licious" or something like that. It's interesting, though, that in the "Content Theater" and the "Content Pavilion," all the content was video-oriented and vaguely Internetty. Radio? Just audio? They still make that? Oh, yeah, that's in the North Hall. The far end of the North Hall. Over in the corner there. Look for the "Radio Heard Here" sign. Oh, look, the director of "The Fast And The Furious" is speaking! Gotta go.

"Radio Heard Here"... Yeah, it's still around. Hard to believe, Harry, but the NAB is still insisting that the "Radio 2020" promotional campaign is alive and well and working. David Rehr even said that a survey showed 90 percent... um... okay, I didn't understand what he said. Let's look at the transcript... oh, here it is: "90 percent said campaign tools that help the industry convey the power of radio are making a difference."

What the... what does THAT mean? WHAT campaign tools? Have you ever seen a "Radio Heard Here" logo outside, well, an NAB convention? And, let's face it. does radio really need a PR campaign? If, as the convention folks keep promoting, content is what matters, shouldn't the goal here not be to PR-campaign radio's way to success but to make better content, the kind that people will seek out? Is this a content industry or does the NAB still think radio is a bunch of sticks and transmitters?

The Radio Luncheon's opening video took the form of an airplane landing at "Tower City." There's your answer.

That's the conundrum the NAB is facing these days. Their constituents, the folks who pay dues, are mostly the folks who paid a lot of money for FCC licenses and towers and equipment. The convention theme seems to recognize a future where the delivery system -- the licenses and towers and equipment -- aren't as important as the programming, but they can't really get up there and tell all those station owners "hey, sorry about your investments, but we have a great session about desktop video editing over in the South Hall if you're interested." And the programming folks aren't signing the dues checks.

It would be nice, however, to see the NAB celebrate the actual content more than it does. With so many alternatives to traditional broadcast radio, the talent is more important than ever, yet that's who gets blown out the door first by the folks in suits at the front tables of the luncheon or huddled in rooms at the Bellagio. This convention is about the owners and the engineers, but, more than ever, it should be about the content. Maybe for video, that means celebrating the directors and videographers and editors. For radio, it's the hosts and programmers and producers who make the product that makes the guys in suits all that money. Again, the delivery system isn't the most important part, even if radio will survive in some form as a delivery system. The future is about the programming. Come to think of it, the past was, too. It's all about the content.

But for all the problems and all the competition and all the perceived "uncoolness," there's still life in the old medium. Radio listening is still huge, and even younger listeners -- you know, the ones who allegedly "never" listen to radio anymore -- turn out to be listening in pretty big numbers. And radio is still the simplest device for one of the main uses of audio entertainment: jumping in the car and driving five, ten, twenty minutes to work or play or the grocery. No wires to hook up, no advance planning, no need to program or buy anything, no URLs to enter in advance. Just start the car and hit the seek button. It's already in every car, and it works well enough for the intended use. People know this; they don't need a "Radio Heard Here" to tell them that. The ones the industry needs to convince are advertisers. Radio isn't obsolete the way printed newspapers are. There's a story to tell to advertisers. It would be nice if radio was better at telling it. But the story is really about the shows, the talent, the entertainment and information, delivered by radio or streaming or podcast, that build the audience that advertisers want to reach, and that's not what this convention spends too much time considering, regardless of how large they print the word "content" on the banners.

There were positive things at the convention, too; I sat in on some interesting panels at the RTNDA convention, where the impact of the economic situation on broadcast news really hit home, and some of the technology shown in the halls is mind-boggling. And Vin Scully was there. Any day involving Vin Scully is a fine day indeed.

(No, I'm not going to talk about HD Radio. Especially after the Dallas Cowboys Channel has been announced for it. Clearly, Satan has a hand in this development. And Jerry Jones)

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All that's done for another year, of course, and I made the 300 mile desert drive back home (no, we did not stop at the World's Tallest And Most Disappointing Thermometer in Baker this year), so the All Access News-Talk-Sports Official Headquarters is back in fully-staffed mode (that would mean me; when I'm not here, the office is occupied by Ella the World's Most Famous Cat, and she doesn't answer the phone). But even from Vegas, Talk Topics continued to pump out the hits, meaning the industry's biggest pile o' stuff to talk about on the radio. Among this week's gems are items about Facebook addiction, baned birthday treats, the changing definition of "luxury items," what New Jersey got from Hugo Chavez, a particularly galling example of pork-barrel spending, the benefits of chewing gum, an epic class reunion prank, a burrito bomb scare, another freak softball death, underwear that makes a man seem... more manly, name brands versus store brands, a life-saving bra, and bad news about grilled beef, as well as many, many more fine topics, both "real-news"-like and kicker-style items. This week, you can also peruse "10 Questions With..." Sybil Summers of the Ben and Skin Show at KRLD-FM (105.3 The Fan)/Dallas, the very station which will be airing that Dallas Cowboys channel on HD3 (boo!), and there's plenty more in the other sections of All Access, including the radio and music industry's foremost source for the latest about what's going on, Net News, plus ratings, charts, job listings, columns, the Industry Directory, and more, all free.

Matter? Yes, you matter, in two ways: You matter to radio because you make the product those guys in suits sell, and you matter to the investor groups who are in charge right now because... um... because you're a line item.

Yes, we've been down this road before, and I'm tempted to just copy and paste whatever I wrote in January when the last mass "adjustment" happened. But this time, after the layoffs and with other companies enforcing "furloughs" and other cuts, I'm hearing the same questions over and over: Will these companies run out of cash? Is there a chance that new owners can come in and fix all this stuff? How soon? How is this going to end? WHEN is this going to end?

The answer is, of course, I don't know. But those also might be the wrong questions. If you're waiting for the cavalry to charge over the hill and return radio to the Good Ol' Days, you should know that those Good Ol' Days are probably gone for good. It's not just about the increased competition and streaming to car radios and iPods and cell phones. It's more about how, now that stations are being operated with an absolute minimum of human intervention, nobody, not even "real radio people," will rush to staff up to the old levels. That's a fact of life in most industries. They're getting used to operating on half a shoestring; they may restore the rest of the shoestring, but they won't spend too much more than that. So, a change in management doesn't mean that everyone will get their jobs and salaries and benefits and perks back. Some of that is just... gone.

Or maybe not. Maybe some "real radio people" will come in and spend what it takes to do it right. And even with all the cuts and, shall we say, interesting managerial decisions, old-fashioned terrestrial radio is still a big business (and, for many individual stations and clusters, still profitable) and there are still possibilities, even with all the competition from new technology. I prefer to remain positive, and, as I've counseled many folks before, even in the darkest economic days, even in the most beleaguered businesses, someone is going to succeed and prosper. Even if things don't get better for everyone, they'll get better for SOMEONE. It might as well be you. Keep trying, be persistent, network like crazy, keep your name in front of people, and be confident in your own abilities.

But there are things I hope the next wave of owners and managers, whoever they may be and whenever they inevitably come in, do to preserve or restore what makes radio, er, matter. We'll talk about some of those in the coming weeks, including some observations about where I think talk radio should go next and a little chat about the meaning of "local" and why I think some people are looking at it in the wrong way. But we can get to that next week. This week was about the layoffs.

One more note: All Access has been keeping the list of who got the Clear Channel axe this week, but I do want to point out that we've also been running items about people who have lost their jobs with other companies as well. It's not just about Clear Channel. And I want to remind you that if you find yourself among those getting the bad news, or you know people who are in that position, drop any of our editors an e-mail with your current contact information and let people know. There's no shame in losing your job in radio -- as the old saw goes, if you haven't been fired a few times, you're not really in radio -- and other stations won't consider you if they don't know you're available.

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We're only a week away from the event itself, so here's the next-to-last reminder for this year: my wife Fran and I are raising money for breast cancer (and other women's cancer) research and treatment at the Revlon Run/Walk in Los Angeles on May 9. We're grateful for your support, especially in this economy, and it's a great cause. Go to http://tinyurl.com/perrydonate09 and donate; your help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

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All right, time to see what's in the Talk topics show prep column at All Access News-Talk-Sports, the column that's here to bail you out when you need something to talk about. This week: Why not to drop acid before heading to SeaWorld, how o move a hippo, the best and worst cities in which to find a job, SWINE FLU!!!, the incredible shrinking waiting list for football tickets, the guy who bought Nothing, ten jobs allegedly cooler than yours, the trouble with "flushable wipes," SWINE FLU!!!, how not to do the time capsule thing, this year's "wacky warning label" list, the Chrysler bankuptcy, the trouble with Twitter, the Radio Shack pugilist, SWINE FLU!!!, glow-in-the-dark puppies, overexcited NBA PA announcers, the Craigslist killer, competitive barbecue, outrageous cell phone charges, SWINE FLU!!!, SWINE FLU!!!, SWINE FLU!!!, SWINE FLU!!!, and more. Also check out "10 Questions With..." WIZM/La Crosse APD/Producer/Host Bob Schmidt and the rest of All Access which offers the radio and music industries' most complete and timely coverage and all the resources you need to work in the business, or to stay in the business, or to get back in the business. And it's free, which counts these days.