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July 2009 Archives

July 1, 2009

THROWN OFF

With Friday being an off day, I have to get the column done earlier. I thought I'd get it done tonight, but I don't have that kind of luck, so not only is the column not ready for early delivery yet, it's not ready for here. That means I have nothing for either venue.

I know what I'm gonna write about, though, so I'll... no, I'll just hold onto it. It'll be here as soon as it's done.

Patience...


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July 2, 2009

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS, OR AT LEAST MAKE A PHONE CALL

This week's All Access newsletter is about the need for radio to start selling itself, and for hosts to get into the habit of publicizing themselves. After all, nobody else is gonna do it for them:

One thing that radio has never really been good at is telling people about itself. I thought this week was a good example of that, when I saw countless articles and TV news segments about how the media reacted to Michael Jackson's death and few of those talked about what radio did.

Yes, there were exceptions, and I'm not going to get into the debate (which I kind of started last week) about how radio did with the story. It seems like every market had its first responders and its laggards, and there were, to be sure, news reports where the cameras showed a DJ talking up "Thriller" or "Man in the Mirror" or something, but most of what I heard was talk about TMZ.com and Twitter and that kind of stuff. Newspapers were shown as way behind, TV was late, and radio? At least radio wasn't called out much for being late or wrong, but it wasn't brought up much at all, good or bad. Out of sight, out of mind. Yet, as discussed here last week, some stations were on top of things, and, surely, there were radio talk shows that jumped on the story and broke the news to a huge audience and provided listeners with a place to get the information and call in to express themselves. Wasn't that worth a mention?

But it's the same as any other story. If you don't tell people what you're doing, they aren't going to know. I see this happening all the time. Some stations and hosts are great about this -- they pepper trade reporters like myself and TV and newspaper assignment editors with press releases and calls. The stations immediately make sure that the local TV crews know they can get lots of b-roll or interviews or whatever, right away. If there's a promotion, they tell everyone when and where and who and how.

And then there's the rest of you. Something happens, and there's silence. Schedule changes come and go with no acknoledgement. People get hired and fired and it's like pulling teeth to get anyone to admit it. There are entire groups of stations -- you know who you are -- over which descends the Cone of Silence whenever there's news, good or bad. There are hosts who go into witness protection when they've been let go, or their schedules have been changed. And in cases where publicity is cheap and easy -- like, say, a really famous entertainer died and you're talking about it on the air, with VU meters wiggling and all the phone lines blazing -- they don't make the phone call to the local TV news department.

Then they wonder why radio isn't getting its due.

I know that staffs have been pared back to the marrow, and there may not even be a marketing department at your station. But when something big is happening, you have to tell the world what you're doing. That should be part of your station procedures for major events and emergencies: Put someone in charge of calling and e-mailing all the local TV stations, newspapers, major websites, and trade reporters (ahem) to let them know what you're doing and that they can come to the station to get video and pictures and whatever else they need. Maybe you didn't break the story like TMZ, but your goal is to make sure that the public notices the hard work you did. So make those calls.

The same goes for all of you on a personal level; If you're doing something worth bragging about, brag. Filling in for someone? Doing a guest shot on some local TV show? Gotten yourself appointed to a municipal board of some sort? Spread the word. That's how you get noticed. That's how you get more work.

Radio just doesn't do a great job overall of tooting its own horn. Look, radio's problems will not be fixed by a public relations campaign. (The less said about "Radio Heard Here," the better) And getting mentions in the paper, or 30 seconds of your afternoon host on the evening news, or a link from a popular website, well, they won't change public perception of radio overnight. But there's no reason your hard work should be ignored, ever. We're in the communications business. Communicate.

======================

I'm going to be taking the next week off to decompress, read a few good books, sleep a little later (if my cat will let me), and celebrate my birthday (I can't stand birthdays... what? Cake? Ice cream? Well, then happy birthday to me!). During that time, I won't be updating Talk Topics the way I usually do, but I'll probably drop in from time to time and post some stuff, because I'm not really well-versed on this "time off" thing. The rest of the All Access staff will be on duty, though, and you'll find continuing coverage of all things talk radio in Net News and all the other great resources and information for which you depend on All Access, so keep coming by as usual. It's still free, you know.

And if you're in the U.S., enjoy the holiday weekend. See you in two weeks.


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July 3, 2009

FANNIES BEING FANNIES

I'm going to be posting short stuff for the next week. Just warning you.

A lot of folks I know out here are Dodger fans, and they're out in force tonight in San Diego, where they're naturally cheering Manny Ramirez. They're not just warmly welcoming him back with forgiveness; they're going crazy for him. Dodger fans sold the place out, and they're letting him know that they don't care if he cheated, and they don't care that he lied about it. They're into the mindless adulation mode. It's ridiculous. Padres fans are booing, but the fans down from L.A. wearing blue are standing and cheering. Of course.

And it's ridiculous that the same fans were among the most vicious against Barry Bonds. Bonds was different because he was a Giant, and because... er... well, that's it. Oh, and Manny is a smiling, loveable liar, while Barry was a scowling, nasty liar. Makes all the difference in the world.

Maybe as a Phillies fan, accused of being the lowest of low sports fans, I'm a little sensitive, but, geez, this makes Dodger fans look bad. Forgiveness is fine, but control yourselves. He's no hero.


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July 4, 2009

THE MEANING OF INDEPENDENCE

Burgers, well done on the backyard grill with cheddar, dripping with juice. Corn on the cob. The end of the Phillies-Mets game on the radio. The Phils beating the Mets. Sun shining, breeze bending the palms.

Yeah, that's the way July 4th SHOULD be. God bless America.


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July 5, 2009

NOW I AM... OLDER

Today was my birthday. I basically sat around reading another book. Fran baked a cake, too. Sun shone, Phillies won again, heard from Joan on the phone and lots of folks by e-mail and Facebook.

No party necessary. This was a nice birthday.


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July 6, 2009

GONE NOT FISHIN'

Still busy doing other things today. Week off continues. Don't want to be sitting in front of computer, so I won't. All I'll say is that I will not be going to the Michael Jackson service. But you knew that.


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FOOTNOTE TO (SPORTS UNIFORM) HISTORY

You see very, very few photos in which the Sixers are wearing their God-awful 1970-71 uniforms. I have the yearbook from that year and there are no pictures of the uni, which had "Sixers" in big script with a huge "S" and a tiny "eventy" above the "ixers." It's as bad as it sounds.

Here, you'll find pictures. They're in a gallery and there's no direct linking, so look for the one where Billy Cunningham and Hal Greer are playing Baltimore at the end of that season, with future Sixer Fred (Mad Dog) Carter above them. I KNEW I wasn't hallucinating those uniforms.

A little while later in the gallery, there are some much better views, depending on your opinion, with Greer and Luke Jackson (and a cameo from Phil Jackson playing for the Knicks). I feel vindicated.


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July 7, 2009

STILL OFF

It's already about halfway through my week off and I don't feel relaxed.

Maybe I shouldn't be sitting in front of this computer.

Worth a try...


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July 8, 2009

DOES THIS MEAN IT'S FREE?

Today's drama involved me trying to pay a bill. Oh, I WANTED to pay the bill, and I was on time to pay the bill, but the company just would not take my money.

I tried their online payment service, which I have used monthly for years. It kept bouncing me back to get an account number. I kept putting the number in. It kept asking for the number. Then, it just gave up and sent me back to the login page.

So I figured, okay, after two days, I get the message. You want me to go pay in person. So I dutifully showed up at about 1 pm today at the office, bill and payment in hand, drove right up and saw the piece of paper taped to the door:

Office CLOSED for lunch
until 2 pm

Closed for lunch? You only have one person on duty and that person can just close the business for a whole hour? Seriously, is that any way to do business?

I finally paid over the phone, and the kindly customer service rep agreed that I shouldn't have to pay the usual fee for paying over the phone (a fee that makes no sense, anyway, other to discourage you from paying your bill in a convenient way). But, come on, closed for lunch? A web site that doesn't work? In 2009?

Yes, in 2009. That, sadly, is becoming more common. The company probably figures, well, it's too expensive to keep a second person on duty and have an active IT department to fix the website 24/7. After all, there's debt to be serviced. Besides, where are you gonna go?

To the competition. There IS competition. Maybe they'll be happy to take my money. Although these days, you never know.


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July 9, 2009

READING IS FUNDAMENTAL

The inexorable descent towards the end of my week off is in full-speed mode, and, naturally, I didn't get around to doing all that I wished to do, but that's okay. At least I caught up on some reading for pleasure, which is something I never have time to do in a typical week. I banged through four books this week, and could have done six or seven if I'd done nothing else, but four's good enough, and one, a book about traffic, gave me a great hook for a column for next week. That's a win in my book.

Other than that, today was for eating lunch by the beach, at Sharkeez in Hermosa, where the douchebag quotient (lots of aging frat boys clustered around tables full of lite beer) was sky-high but the food (burrito specials! Fish tacos! Plenty of free chips 'n' salsa!) was good as per usual and the absolutely spectacular day made everything better. AS we walked down Pier Plaza towards the Strand, we overheard a guy telling someone on his cell phone, "hey, I'm sitting by the beach in sunny Southern California and everything is just beautiful here."

Yeah. Couldn't say it better myself.


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July 10, 2009

PERFECT 300

Last day off, some decent possible news of which I shall remain silent for now, mostly running errands and relaxing, except for the part where we discovered that one of the two lounge pads in our back yard went missing. Someone took one -- not both, just one -- lounge pad. Why? What possible reason would there be to take ONE lounge pad? And who? The pool guy? No, I saw him leaving this morning, no pad. The gardeners? Doubt that, too. No reason for them to do that, and they know we're often lurking. So... who? Why? WTF?

And that's what passes for excitement around here right now. That and the call I got from my friend John at about 3:05 today.

"I just thought you should know," he said, "that ESPN Classic is showing a 1983 Phillies-Cardinals game right now. I don't know why. And there's a show about the 1977 Sixers-Blazers finals after that."

"Wow," I responded. "Thanks. I was about to listen to some talk radio show that starts in about a minute. The one hosted by YOU." It was true. He was seconds from cracking the mic. And, minutes later, when the show hit the break, he called back to report that the game on TV was Steve Carlton's 300th win. Now, that's dedication (and cable in the studio).

He's a Mets fan, too. I am duly impressed and grateful. Harry and Whitey calling Carlton's 300th, capped by an Al Holland save and a disturbing brief cameo appearance by Howard Eskin... can't ask for a better way to wrap up a vacation week. I feel... almost... I don't know. Is this "good"? I don't remember.


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July 11, 2009

BACK AND BETTER THAN... ER... AS GOOD AS EVER... NO... WELL, ANYWAY, I'M BACK

The work has started up again. I'm back plowing through a zillion news stories, and it's back to the grind. The week off was helpful; I feel marginally more energized, something that should ebb by, oh, tomorrow afternoon. I'm not complaining, though. The time off will definitely help me approach the coming days with more focus and energy. And isn't that what vacations are supposed to be all about?

I have some additional things in the works for here, too, as soon as this week. Amazing what a little rest will do, even if the cat wouldn't let me sleep too much later than usual. I'll deal with her later. Right now, it's time to work.


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July 12, 2009

1980!

How cool is this? From 1980, the opening to WPHL-TV's airing of Game 5 of the National League playoffs, Phillies-Astros, with ID, cheesy graphics, sponsors like Gino's and Girard Bank, and Harry 'n' Whitey from the days when local broadcast crews still got to do playoff games:

(HT: Dmac)


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July 13, 2009

HARD CELL

All I'm saying is that a cell phone should not spontaneously get white hot and drain its battery in a matter of an hour while just sitting on the counter untouched and not running any active program in particular.

And that cell phone should not spontaneously call people without being touched, and while not even in a pocket or anyplace else it might be butt-dialed. You should also not have to resort to a third-party program just to put an iPhone-like "slide to talk" page on it to prevent said phantom butt-dialing.

That cell phone should also not lag so badly that a typed message takes about 10-15 seconds to show up on the screen after you've started typing. Or fail to ring or vibrate when a call comes in. Or spontaneously turn off all ringing and vibrating without being prompted to do so.

And none of this, ideally, will happen while the phone is less than a year old. Nor should these problems fall under the category of "known bugs" that the manufacturer chooses to ignore.

Lord, do I hate the HTC Touch Pro. Too bad I'd have to pay a fortune to get out of my Sprint contract. Too bad no other carrier has a decent signal where I spend 80% of my time. Too bad I can't at least swap this piece of electronic feces for a Palm Pre without having to pay the ridiculous full price. Too bad an iPhone wouldn't work too well around here in AT&T's "white area" (no signal).

I'd be better off with a tin can and string. Think a Progresso soup can would work?


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July 14, 2009

EMPTY

Nothing to say. Watched All-Star Game -- meh. Could go off on an HD Radio rant, but... nah. Could tell you about stopping off at the library and losing myself in old bound volumes of Sports Illustrated from the 50's and 60's, but not tonight.

I gotta work on my motivation. This ennui thing isn't good.


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July 15, 2009

FILLER: WITH A SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY NORMAN FELL!

Obscure TV themes!


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July 16, 2009

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": NOTHING BUT THE BLUETOOTH

This week's All Access newsletter is about putting callers on the... hold on... yeah, I just have to... ah, didn't make the light. Anyway, it's about cell phone calls... HEY, I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY, DICKWAD! What? Oh, right, I'll turn my radio down now...:

So, what did I do on my summer vacation? Not much, and that was a good thing. I needed a week away from the computer, from radio, from getting up at 3 am. Not that I got to sleep later. I have a cat. She made sure I got up at the regular time. It's what cats do.

But I did get to indulge in something I usually have little time to do, which is read books. I read all day, every day, but reading websites to find items for Talk Topics and reading an Actual Book for Actual Pleasure, well, that's entirely something else. I plowed through four books in four days, and I'd forgotten how much I enjoy that. Highly recommended, if you find yourself with nothing else going on.

One of the books I read was a book about traffic. Yes, I voluntarily read a book about traffic on my vacation. In the book, helpfully titled "Traffic" (actually, "Traffic: Why We Drive The Way We Do (And What It Says About Us)," author Tom Vanderbilt mentions something on page 77 that caught my attention:

"Researchers look at how driving is affected when people do other things, but research also shows that secondary tasks suffer as well. We become worse drivers and worse talkers. This is obvious to anyone who has listened to the wandering, interrupted musings of a driver talking on a phone (journalists know that people calling from their cars give terrible interviews)."

Do you take phone calls on the air? Do you take them from people on their cells? You do, right? Everybody does. But think about it: Research shows that when people are driving and talking on the phone, they do both things less well than when they're concentrating on one thing. So, why put someone who's not at his or her best on the air?

Way, way back in the early days of cell phones, I remember having a no-cell-phone rule. Later, we allowed the calls, but instructed the screeners to tell the callers to pull over before putting them on the air. Do you do that? I hope so. If you're putting on distracted callers, it hurts your show. If you're programming a music station, you don't play bad songs. If you're programming your talk show, you don't play bad calls. By all means, take calls from cell phones -- you have to, because that's how most people make calls in 2009. But don't put someone on the air who's trying to pay attention to the road while talking to you. We know that those calls aren't hits. Play the hits.

=====================

On a totally unrelated note, you've seen the report at All Access that there's finally a portable Walkman-like HD Radio avalable, and I won't go into the HD Radio argument here because you know how I feel and I'm tired of complaining about it. But there's something striking about the Best Buy pocket HD Radio, even more notable than the $50-for-just-a-radio price or the fact that my local Best Buy stores appear to be totally unaware of the item's existence and are not stocking it (or, for that matter, any other HD Radio). That striking thing about this radio, trumpeted as a major breakthrough for HD Radio in the consumer marketplace, is:

No AM.

This comes after the NAB made a big deal about putting FM radios in cell phones -- no AM.

Do you see a trend here?

Most talk stations are still on AM. Many are now doing HD. Shouldn't the industry be pushing to put AM HD in all HD Radio receivers?

I'd be even more concerned if I thought people would even figure out what HD Radio is, let alone pay fifty bucks to buy one that does nothing but radio. But if the industry leaders behind HD aren't concerned that this highly touted item doesn't do AM, and the upcoming Zune HD with HD Radio built in doesn't do AM, that's a stonger sign than ever that talk and sports and news stations belong on FM, and not just on the HD "multicast" channels. It's a good thing that the migration's picking up steam.

=====================

I've been away, but I did, true to my word, throw up a few news items at Talk Topics while I was relaxing on the couch all week, and I've been hard at work since last weekend compiling the usual stock of stuff to talk about at Talk Topics, the show prep column from All Access News-Talk-Sports. Among the items this week are disturbing goings-on in someone's backyard gazebo, the great Crocs dilemma, famous powerful people saying questionable things, famous powerful people doing questionable things, not-so-famous people doing very, very questionable things, why some people are giving up the dieting thing (and loving it), why people in Atlanta are smiling, why you might want to look before reaching under the ferns at the Wal-Mart garden center, the great "is my team selling or buying before the trade deadline" conundrum, what to do when your co-worker gets laid off, the latest foreclosure figures (not so good), the new availablilty of Amy Winehouse, what that petition on the 7-Eleven counter's all about, a particularly gross Foreign Object In Food story, some unusual (and successful) defenses, bad moms, bad dads, very early memories, very weird ice cream, and why Sudoku and heavy machinery don't mix, plus so much more your brain will melt. At least, that's the effect it has on me. After that, enjoy "10 Questions With..." Fox News Radio anchor/reporter and noted author Todd Starnes, and do check the archives, too, because while I was out we had an updated and interesting "10 Questions With..." Salem Radio Network VP Tom Tradup which you shouldn't miss, either. And the rest of All Access has been humming along with all the news, columns, ratings, job listings, music charts, and other resources you've come to rely upon, all free.

Enjoy your weekend -- I'm going to try to get a little more relaxation in myself. Maybe I'll read another book. If the cat lets me, that is.


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July 17, 2009

AND THAT'S, UNFORTUNATELY, THE WAY IT IS

It is fitting that on the day Walter Cronkite died, I saw what might possibly be the nadir of TV news. I will expound on this when I have time -- it's already too late now -- but let it suffice to say that... dancing. The anchorman and weatherperson danced.

I can safely assume that Walter Cronkite, whatever his faults, never danced on the CBS Evening News.

Although if he had, I'll bet he'd have done it better than what I saw.

I'll talk more about this soon.


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July 18, 2009

TMI FOR DINNER

It may be surprising to note that California is not the first state to force restaurants to list calorie counts for menu items right there when you're trying to decide whether to have the Lard 'n' Onion Burrito or the Chicken Fat Taco Special. We don't have that law, New York does. But some chains have standardized on it anyway, and the place we went to dinner at this evening lists caloric content right there for everything, even water (zero, in case you didn't know that).

Man.

No fun. No fun at all.

I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. To the contrary, it was helpful to know that the salad I usually order is slightly heavier in calories than a pasta dish I occasionally order. In fact, this time, I went with the pasta. But knowing the magic number, I ate only half. Better for me? Absolutely. More enjoyable? Er... not really.

We all should, of course, be aware of what we eat. And as our ages advance, every calorie goes right to one's gut. Or ass. But sometimes, you just want to have something that tastes good, something you enjoy. Having that number glowing from the page is not conducive to that. And there is no way to ignore the number. (They don't put fat content on there; that would REALLY make things unpleasant)

So, it's water and the best balance between taste and calories. You might as well eat celery at home. And maybe that's what the people behind the law want you to do. I'm glad to have the information, but I'll miss just, you know, enjoying a meal. That's too much to ask for these days.


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July 19, 2009

COME ON OVER

Never went here, but I saw the ads:

I did get to go here -- I vaguely remember my dad shooting baskets in the midway and my sister Joan going into the Fun House:

Been to Disneyland, Great Adventure (saw Roy Orbison there!)... meh. Not a theme park kind of guy. But Freedomland USA and Palisades Amusement Park were, if mostly for the commercials, part of childhood.

Hey, click here: Clay Cole, Palisades, the jingle, Hal Jackson!


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July 20, 2009

APPROPRIATE SERENADE FOR JULY 20 (40TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION)


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July 21, 2009

TEN STRAIGHT

Sometimes, a sage makes the perfect observation through the magic of Twitter:

Indeed, Mr. Matthews, indeed. Any day when the Phillies win their tenth straight on a Jayson Werth walkoff three run homer in extra innings is, yes, not bad at all.


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July 22, 2009

IT'S CURTAINS FOR US

Window treatments.

Window treatments, window treatments, window treatments.

That was my evening. We ran around to buy window treatments. We need window treatments, so we bought window treatments. Soon, I'll install the window treatments, and we'll have window treatments.

Excitement is my middle name. When it's not Window Treatment.

In honor of the evening's activities, here's a bad cover version of Television's "Torn Curtain," posted because the original is unavailable on Internet video:



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July 23, 2009

TOO TIRED TO THINK OF A TITLE

Still working, so no blog. No column yet, either. Like pulling teeth. No anesthetic, either.

We'll see how tomorrow goes. Time to push that deadline until it falls off the edge.


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July 24, 2009

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": OBAMA GOES TO COSTCO

It was damn hard to squeeze out this week's All Access newsletter, but here it is, and it's really just a convoluted way of telling hosts to be passionate and tell people why they should care, a common theme of these columns:

Okay, this is going to be a tricky one, but I'm going to try and pull together Walter Cronkite, the moon landing, President Obama, Costco, window treatments, and talk radio to make a single point. Degree of difficulty is a 10. The crowd is hushed... we're ready to go... and...

Let's start with Walter Cronkite. We know today that there will never be another Walter Cronkite, not because of his journalistic credentials or his trustworthiness or his communication skills, but because we will never be in the position of having just two viable TV news sources again, as there were in the early 60's. We have lots of ways to get the news, not just CBS, NBC, a few radio stations, and the local paper. The chances that the nation will turn to a single source are nil. There's no one PLACE to turn, let alone one most-trusted anchor.

Nor is there much chance that the entire nation will even pay attention to the news. The moon landing 40 years ago drew an audience of almost everyone, but it takes something like that or 9/11 to bring everyone to the TV set or the radio, and even so, there are far more outlets for the coverage and someone somewhere among your hundreds of channels and radio stations and streams will be plowing ahead with regular programming. Whatever might be happening, someone will choose to sit there and watch "Phineas and Ferb" or listen to The Best Mix Of Today's Hits And Yesterday's Favorites instead of the news. In fact, the majority of people, except for the most major, overwhelming, massive stories, just doesn't care as much as you might assume. They have other things on their mind. Even if they care, they go ahead with other things, figuring that they'll deal with the news later.

Take this week, when the President held his Please Support My Healthcare Bill press conference. The bill affects everyone. Healthcare, whatever your stance on the merits of the plan, is a major issue for the entire population of America. And we had to run errands at the time -- we found ourselves in sudden need of window treatments, and, yes, it was a necessity and no, it's too complicated to explain here -- but we put the radio on and, yes, it was there, live, and we listened as we headed down the road, pulled into the Costco parking lot, and saw dozens, hundreds of Americans... not listening. Not paying attention. They were pushing shopping carts, eating discount pizza, chatting and playing and dragging massive packages of toilet paper and pita chips to their cars. The president's talk didn't matter to them at that moment. Healthcare matters to them, they're impacted by what the president was saying, but, well, there's that 42 inch plasma at a really good price and you can get a hot dog AND a soda for a buck fifty on the way out. The president can wait.

And that's something to remember when you're talking about, well, any issue. You have a core of people who will be riveted to your show no matter what. You have some others who might be really into your topic. And you have the vast majority who can take or leave that topic. To grow an audience, you have to appeal to that third group, the folks who aren't actively seeking out that topic. You have to make it interesting, you have to make it entertaining, you have to sell it to them, and if you don't, they'll move on and listen to something else. It comes down to this: You have to convince them why they need to care, right now. Even the president has to do that, and I'm not sure he did such a great job this time, at least in advance. If he wants to get the public to back him on this, he needs to reach the folks who were prowling the aisles of Costco while he was trying to convince them to call their Congressmen. And when they get back into their cars with the trunk loaded with frozen burgers and cases of Gatorade, you have to get them to stay with you. You only have a short time to do it. Make sure you're always selling the story with passion. Make them sense that they NEED to stick around to hear what you're all worked up about, and they will.

Okay, there it is, all those subjects tied together in one big package. How'd I do?

(And the judges say... oh, come ON, the Russian judge ripped me off. It wasn't THAT bad)

For help in finding topics to sell to your audience (the crowd is booing, they can tell that we're seguing into the All Access promo), feel free to hit up All Access News-Talk-Sports and the Talk Topics show prep page (they're throwing things now). This week, you'll find items about Smokey Bear reaching retirement age, nose candy in the Skittles box, a great gathering of nerds, a bad week or two for the Wienermobile, a modest counterproposal for the car pool lanes, new Wheaties, more NFL Draft agony in store, another desperation move in the job hunt, the New Jersey corruption scandal (featuring rabbis!), the return of the World's Worst Neighbor, the Upper Midwest Manure Handling Expo, the condom-in-the-soup controversy, the warning-labels-for-hot-dogs suit (just in time for Hebrew Nationals to be on a 2-for-1 sale at Ralphs... mmm...), and, oh, a lot more, including items about all the "real news" stories you'd want to talk about. (The crowd's whistling... is that good or like booing? I can never remember) Oh, yeah, don't miss "10 Questions With..." someone who's never at a loss for words, Premiere Radio Networks' Randi Rhodes, and the rest of All Access with the most complete, up-to-the-minute, and reliable news coverage, columns, ratings, job listings, and other great resources, all free. (Applause!)

Next week, I'll have some new observations about a few topics we've discussed before. It's nice and aggravating, and everyone seems to love it when I get aggravated. Is that healthy?


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July 25, 2009

SATURDAY SCHOOL

Lessons learned on a busy Saturday:

1. No matter what your trusty GPS tells you, driving on Coast Highway through Sunset Beach on a hot Saturday afternoon is NOT a practical alternative to a traffic jam on the 405 South heading to Westminster. The GPS, it does not understand that every human being on earth is on that road at that time, all queued up to get into the Bolsa Beach parking lot. I don't care HOW packed the 405 is, it can't be slower than that.

2. When someone steals one of your two backyard lounge chair pads, you will never find a match for the remaining one. The thief would have done us a favor by taking both. But by taking just one (no, we still don't know why someone would take just one), we ended up spending much of the day on a tour of every single OSH store in Southern California, trying to find that elusive match. It was not to be. We settled for Close Enough.

3. It's official: Nobody bothers to comply with the cell phone hands free law but me. Everyone just chats away, pressing their Nokias to their ears while absent-mindedly driving with one hand, drifting from lane to lane, running stop signs and red lights, and nobody cares. I give up.

4. The Seal Beach Sprouts store is nicer than the one near us. No fair.

5. HD Radio in the car is... well, I'm saving that for the column this week. Let's just say that the experience was less than desirable.

I'd say that was enough learning for one day.


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July 26, 2009

YOUTUBERY: FOR BETTER BUYS, IT'S TWO GUYS... NATURALLY!

Too busy/tired/lazy to do more, so...

I love finding stuff like this, 8mm footage from a 1970 Giants-Indians pre-season game in Tucson:

A newsreel from spring 1951 recapping the Yankees-Phillies 1950 World Series:

v

Some truly forgettable commercials from 1970, featuring Harold "Odd Job" Sakata and Johnny Bench (separately):

Same guy posted more commercials, and this bunch from the early 80's includes a Crazy Eddie commercial with Dr. Jerry Carroll, Buster Brown sneakers with free headbands (available at A&S!), the Magnavox Odyssey 2 game system, and Flintstones vitamins, plus WPIX "11 Alive" and WNEW-TV logos:

And from '77, this bunch has Two Guys! And Korvettes! And a 976 Santa number! Ask your parents, kids!:


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July 27, 2009

SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EARS

I was just entering the deepest REM sleep of the night when the smoke alarm went off.

Now, it didn't go off steady, with a long beep or insistent beeps for a long period of time. It just went

BEEP BEEP BEEP

and went silent for a few seconds, then

BEEP BEEP BEEP

again.

Roused out of slumber, head swimming, I tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

Smoke? Um, no. No smoke smell, no haze. Fran felt the walls; they were cool. It wasn't the smoke detector in our bedroom, though, so I had to walk throught the house in a not-at-all-awake state. Office? Nope. Kitchen? Nope. Carbon monoxide detector? Nope. All working, all silent, all

BEEP BEEP BEEPWHAT THE FBEEP BEEP BEEP

Inches away from my ear, on a shelf in the living room. That old thing?

And then it dawned on me: That one has to be ten years old, or more. I think we got it when we moved in, or not too long thereafter. These things have life spans, and those three beeps are telling us this life span, it is over. Fine. Did it have to pick the middle of the night to make its departure known?

Of course it did. They always go bad in the night. That's how they roll.

So, no sleep last night. I'm a little punchy right now. The rest of the smoke detectors are way more recent, but I'm thinking of buying the Costco large economy pack of smoke detectors to replace them all. I don't trust them not to surprise me with a plaintive wail as their radioactive innards begin to dissipate and the plastic begins to fail, even though it would be premature. They'll do it at midnight, too. They have it all planned out.


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July 28, 2009

YOUTUBERY: WITH SUE ANE LANGDON! AND ROGER BOWEN AS HAMILTON MAJORS JR.!

I'm wondering if I'm ever going to have time to write anything non-work-related again. Ever.

Yeah, it's one of those days. No time at all.

So here's Herschel Bernardi:


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July 29, 2009

HE WHO SPELT IT, DELT IT

On the WPEN website today:

"Delt"?


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July 30, 2009

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": DON'T CARE MUCH ABOUT....

This week's All Access newsletter is about my frustration in hearing radio, and especially HD Radio, that indicates that nobody in the building's paying attention:

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that nobody cares. At least, nobody in charge cares. Okay, that's a gross generalization, but when I hear some of the stuff I've been hearing lately, it makes me feel like nobody cares.

That isn't new, of course. For the last few years, I've heard and seen things going on in radio, some of which I've chronicled here, that made me feel that nobody was paying attention. This week, though, that feeling is just intensifying with each new head-scratchingly puzzling thing I hear. (And this is going to devolve into a rant about HD Radio, among other things, so if you're sick of that, you can skip ahead to the Talk Topics plug)

Some of it is just sloppiness. The jock on a country station who stepped all over about 20 seconds of the vocals of some Taylor Swift song, well, either the guy had no idea how long he had, or something happened with the voice tracking... but since the song had a short intro, even a voice track should have hit the post. And, yes, I heard my share of dead air, weak and underdeveloped talk topics, unprepared personalities, and stop sets filled with PSAs and those painful "Radio Heard Here" things (I know, business is bad, but... wow, that sounds dire) that made me wonder if the PD or GM or Regional VP or anyone with a title was tuning in.

But the worst of it came from my experience playing with one of those Best Buy portable HD Radios. Yeah, yeah, I know. But it's the cheapest and easiest way to get HD in my car, and since I can't get L.A. FMs at my house, that's the only way I can hear what they're doing on those HD subchannel things. And, despite the limited appeal of an FM-only radio in an age when even your keychain can play MP3s, store photos, and cook dinner, it's not a bad little device. In fact, I kinda like it. So when the local Best Buy finally started to sell them, I fought through the mobs of excited HD Radio purchasers and....

Okay, there were no mobs. In fact, that's "Nobody Cares," Chapter 1: If you don't go searching for them, you will never find an HD Radio in the store. These were hanging on a forlorn pegboard all the way in the back of the store, next to the cassette and CD portables, which, sadly, is appropriate company. There were no signs. There were no other models. There was no attempt to educate consumers about the technology. They were just hanging there in the Ghosts of Technology Past department, without even a price sticker on the peg. I don't think the staff even knew they were there. All that stuff from the NAB and the Grand Exalted HD Radio Alliance about major marketing to get people to adopt, embrace, LOVE HD Radio? That's happening in another universe. I think they bought ads on the sides of unicorns. The first portable is out there, in the wild, and there's no marketing for it at all. Nobody cares.

I hooked the thing up to my car radio, and I tried it out. That leads me to "Nobody Cares," Chapter 2: You can't hold an HD signal very long, and that leads to two critical problems. One, you know how the primary HD channel is supposed to cut back to analog when you lose the HD, and cut back to HD when it's available? On several stations in L.A. and San Diego, the analog and digital are not in sync. You're listening to a show and it... stutters. The switch from analog (underwater, bassy) to digital (bright, trebly) is hard enough on the ears; if the two streams are a couple of seconds off, it's impossible. You would think that the people at these stations would notice the problem, but there it was. Nobody cares.

A bigger "Nobody Cares" problem, and one especially acute for talk radio, involves those "multicast" channels. Here's what the HD Radio marketing doesn't tell you: Those channels cut out all the time. You can't listen for very long. And it happens under all conditions. Try this: Clear day, driving along the freeway with line-of-sight to the Los Angeles antenna farm. We had one of the HD-2 channels on, and it would drop out not only while driving under bridges, but every few minutes without any apparent reason. It turns out that HD-2 and HD-3 channels disappear behind any obstruction -- hills, buildings, trees, other cars, Andrew Bynum -- and become unlistenable. They also disappear when there's no obstruction. And the next time I get a press release trumpeting how an AM station is now available on an FM HD-2 channel, I'll know the truth -- you're not adding a thing. The "multicast" channels are unlistenable. Nobody cares.

While we're at it, a couple more multicast complaints -- I heard at least one talk station on an HD3 channel with volume levels that fluctuated so widely that it was impossible to listen for very long (the very lowest, hardest to hear levels were during the actual talk programming; the commercials were louder). Nobody at the station seems to notice. And another HD-2 music channel played the same song every time I checked in, a couple of hours apart; I was unaware of the existence of the All-Ting TIngs channel, and even a fan of "That's Not My Name" could tell you that you probably should throw in another song or two. Just sayin'. Someone should be spending some time making sure that the rotations work, but, after all, nobody's making any money on those channels, because nobody's listening, which is because nobody's being given a compelling reason to buy into the medium, which doesn't always work anyway. This could be fixed, but, well, nobody cares.

Oh, and here's another "Nobody Cares": Proponents always promote the ability of stations to show title and artist information on the receiver's screen, a selling point against satellite radio. But when there's a syndicated show on, I've seen the screen display something like "NWN_2009_07_26_SEG1" for 20 minutes. I've seen one station stuck on "NEW_LEGAL_ID_OCT2008" with the name of the voice guy. Isn't someone at the station supposed to be checking that? I guess nobody is. Nobody cares.

Look, maybe HD Radio isn't fixable, maybe radio has its problems, maybe you're not being paid what you want or you're in fear for your job, but that shouldn't mean the people who run and work in radio shouldn't take some pride in what they're producing. I think a lot of you do take pride, and there's still a lot of excellent information and entertainment being produced and distributed by radio people every moment of every day. But when I hear stations out of sync, dropping signal, changing volume levels, playing the same song over and over, screwing up the song display... clearly, somebody in charge is not listening to their own station. Someone should, because someone else cares: the listeners. Listeners care. I listen, and I care. And if you don't give me what I want, you're telling me to find another station, or another medium.

Please... care.

=====================

For those of you who DO care about your shows, there's a lot of material for your perusal at All Access News-Talk-Sports' Talk Topics show prep column. This week so far, you'll find items about dissolving bikinis, special toys for dogs (yes, THOSE kinds of dogs), weaponized toilet cleaners, how to sell your stuff, a very, very long golf course, how perfume cleared out an office building, why some folks would like you to paint your roof white, a guy's inappropriate (and repeated) relationship with a horse, how shopaholism killed a woman, why banks aren't rushing to help people avoid foreclosure, the Great Beer Summit, a bad attemot at viral marketing, what not to wear to work, a sportswriter's unusual side business, the latest UCLA slang dictionary, why one guy might end up in prison for going to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, and much more, plus the rest of All Access with news, columns, ratings, job listings, the Industry Directory, and all the resources you need, all free.

Next week's column, by the way, will be in HD! That doesn't stand for high definition, by the way. It means Highly Dubious. Or Hateful and Derisive. Whichever fits.


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July 31, 2009

THE CULT OF CARING

I'm buried under an avalanche of e-mail about my column this week, which is always good, especially when everyone seems to like it. It'll take a while to respond to everyone, but that kind of feedback is gratifying. And disheartening at the same time, actually, since it shows a nearly universal feeling that the people in position to do something about problems in the radio industry aren't interested in doing a damn thing about it, and the people working for those managers know it. We're locked in a cycle that can't end well.

There's also universal disappointment with HD Radio, and that's understandable, too. Every stage of the HD rollout has been botched, and the same people who tout it as a savior of the radio industry are the ones who aren't doing anything to make it a success. Here's what they need to do, all at once: Put compelling content on the channels, increase power and do whatever is necessary to stop the signal from dropping out on a frequent enough basis to make it unlistenable, and then tell people what's on those channels and how to get them cheaply and easily. Right now, none of that is in place. The programming stinks -- more of the usual, just without either commercials or personality -- and the technical end just doesn't work.

But it also reminded me of something I always tell others: Passion works. You show passion about something, you get response. It really is that basic. Show you care, and others will respond.

However, the ultimate comment came on a radio message board, where someone posted my column and called me "A guy from All Access (I have no idea who he is)."

That's me. The guy from All Access who nobody knows. My career, eloquently stated. It's frustrating to end up a cult figure.


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About July 2009

This page contains all entries posted to PMSimon.com in July 2009. They are listed from oldest to newest.

June 2009 is the previous archive.

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