September 2010 Archives

A BITTER TASTE

I just spent a long time holed up in my hotel room agonizing over this week's column, and it's late now and I'm in no mood to spend any more time writing. So here's a teaser, the opening paragraph to tomorrow's column:

There are two overriding themes to this year's NAB Radio Show (Now Featuring Extra RAB!). The first is that mobile media -- cell phones -- are the future and they're taking over and we'd better get on board and PLEASE LORD MAKE THEM PUT FM TUNERS IN CELL PHONES OR WE'RE DEAD. The other is, to borrow an extremely annoying catchphrase from a former radio talk show host, "we're good enough, we're smart enough, and, doggone it, people like us." See? I just saved you the trip right there.

Want more? (What's WRONG with you?) It'll come out tomorrow to subscribers via e-mail and, sometime in the morning, will be posted here.

Exciting.

TODAY IN OUR NATION'S CAPITAL

Without comment:

This morning, while running at about 6 am:

Tonight, watching the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, disguised as the Phillies (no Howard, Utley, or Polanco, but Mayberry, Dobbs, Hoover), beat up on the Nationals:

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY

I was going to show you pictures from tonight's Phillies game at Washington, with appropriately snarky commentary, but I realized I don't have either the cord or the card reader I need to transfer the photos. So just go look at my Twitter feed for some of the comments, and the pictures will come when I get back to California.

Convention tomorrow. What... fun.

SEEMS LIKE WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

The Phillies won the National League Eastern Division again, and that means that the games I'll see at Nationals Park this week are pretty much meaningless.

That, it turns out, is a good thing.

The Phils can now take it easy until the playoffs, and I'll probably get to see plenty of Domonic Brown and the September call-ups. But I figured they'd clinch before I got to Washington, so I was expecting more to explore the park, maybe have some Five Guys or Ben's Chili Bowl there, and enjoy a relaxing, no-stress evening at the ballpark. That seems to be in the cards now.

It was fitting that they finished the run with a Roy Halladay masterpiece. When they did the deal for Halladay, they envisioned exactly this: a 20 (now 21)-game winner throwing an absolute masterpiece as the offense had its way with the other guys. That was the plan, that and, after the Oswalt deal, having a three-ace rotation, Halladay, Hamels, and Oswalt, set to go for the playoffs. They were built for this. And this is what we get.

But winning the division's just step one. They've been here before, three times before, to be precise. 2008 worked out the way they planned. May 2010 go the same way.

THE COOKING CHANNEL

It remains sickeningly hot here tonight. I managed to get a lot of work done, but at some point in the afternoon, everything slowed down to a crawl.

In other words, no, I don't have time for anything here. Again. Not even anything about Michael Vick. Maybe tomorrow. I know, I say that too much.

HOT HOT HEAT

It is hot in Southern California this weekend. It is very hot. It is sweating-when-sitting-still-doing-nothing hot.

The problem with working in a non-air conditioned home office when it's this hot is not just that it's uncomfortable, but that the actual work seems to be moving in slow motion. In the time I can usually crank out about 20 or 25 stories for All Access, I could barely muster a dozen. That means more work tomorrow. It's expected to be even hotter than it was today. That's not a good prospect.

We don't have air conditioning because, for the most part, we don't need it. Living by the ocean normally keeps things cool enough, between the sea breezes and the marine layer, but we're not getting those right now. It's one of the few weeks all year when we'd be better off with air conditioning. No, ceiling fans don't make up the difference.

But as it slows my writing for work down to a crawl, and backs up my work on the Nerdist social network project, it leaves practically no time for this site. That's just a heads up for the next few days, and there's a convention after that, so this week might be a little thin. Or maybe not. No way to tell right now. Check in and see.

THE NEWSWATCH NEVER STOPS

This happened 45 years ago yesterday:

KYW Philadelphia, transitioning from a particularly lame middle-of-the-road format (with Wee Willie Webber) to the all-news wheel it's been doing ever since. Cool.

STILL ANOTHER PLACEHOLDER

One more don't-have-time day. Stuff tomorrow, I hope.

DELAYING TACTIC

I swear, I'll have more here when I have more time.

Now, to figure out how to make more time in the day.

PENNANT RACE, 30 YEARS LATER

I dunno, I just think this is cool:

A special ABC Sunday Afternoon Baseball telecast, Expos at Phillies in the heat of the 1980 pennant race, with Keith Jackson and Don Drysdale, plus an ID from WEZF-TV Burlington and a Gillette Trac-II billboard. Steve Rogers vs. Bob Walk, and check the Expos lineup, with Andre Dawson, Gary Carter, Warren Cromartie, Larry Parrish, and the Phillies, with Rose, Schmidt, Bowa, Luzinski, Maddox.

The Phillies lost 8-3 to cut their lead over Montreal to a half game. But they then went on a six game winning streak and edged the Expos by a game in the Eastern Division. We know what happened after that.

WHEEL-O!

Tense? Nervous? Can't relax?

Aaaahhhhhhhh.

I had one of these Wheel-Os when I was a kid. They were mesmerizing. Then I'd get bored and put it away. But for a few minutes, it was magic.

I don't think they make them anymore, but there's always this.

LOCK THE DOOR, IT'S DOMINO'S

Back in the 60's, there was a discount store chain called Topps, which, I later learned, was an East Coast division of another chain called White Front. They had a store in Totowa, NJ, on Route 46, and we occasionally shopped there. When we did, my sister and I would wander over to the snack bar area. I remember that they had Italian ices, which were good -- how can water ice be bad? -- and they had pizza, which was....

Okay, here's the thing. Topps pizza was the worst pizza ever. A cardboard-like crust with medicinal sauce and globs of unidentifiable cheese, it was epic in its horrendousness. It was the first time I'd ever experienced bad pizza; I didn't know there WAS such a thing, because we grew up in a land of plenty, with some of the best pizza anywhere at many locations. Topps pizza was so bad it became a joke between myself and Joan, with each of us accusing the other of liking Topps pizza. It was the worst, most below-the-belt insult we could muster. And all the while I lived in relatively pizza-weak areas, I consoled myself with the fact that at least it wasn't Topps pizza.

Tonight, we gave the "new" Domino's a shot, because Domino's is the only place that delivers over here on the back side of the hill at the edge of the world. Besides, we've all heard the commercials about the way they've totally redone the recipe. And as I choked down the little square slices, I had a serious flashback.

Topps pizza lives.

Cardboard with a little ketchup, pepper, and rubber. No, it was like that cracker-type flatbread with "everything" you get at Trader Joe's, with a thin smear of sauce-like material and a little cheese, slightly burned and tasting of char and pepper. It was pretty bad, and I can usually tolerate low-quality pizza. Three hours later, I'm still experiencing the afterburn.

And next time we want pizza, we're going to have to drive up to Pedone's in Redondo to get it. I'm not putting my gastro-intestinal system through that again.

LIFE IN THREE PANELS

Pearls Before Swine

NO SNACKING, EITHER

It's Yom Kippur.

Go atone.

DROP THE PUCK

With training camps opening, it's time for La Soiree du Hockey!:

And my preferred team, last year's, um, losers in the Stanley Cup finals:

I'm feeling like I'm back in this year. Maybe something good will happen at Wacho... er, Wells Fargo Center this season.

READ THAT BACK TO ME, PLEASE

There's nothing like a long day of work topped off by watching Brad Lidge unable to get anybody out and turning a blowout into a sudden nailbiter in the ninth inning.

Oh, and hearing an interview you did being read back on the air by interns as a bit of "radio theater." But that part wasn't as painful as the other stuff. It was funny, when I wasn't cringing. That's here; I'm not sure which segment, but it's one of the last four. Bravo to Craig and Genevieve for their spectacular performances and to Don and Dave for the kind words.

Okay, I'm going to go do something away from the computer now.

VOICE RECOGNITION

I spent all day transcribing an interview I did on the air on Friday with Don Geronimo at KHTK in Sacramento. It came out well, but the whole day involved sitting here playing back the interview on slow speed while frantically typing out every word. I am not a fan of transcribing stuff, and I'd love it if there was an effective way to automate the job, but there isn't, at least not for one involving two or three voices, which this was. So it was the manual route for me. Not a lot of fun.

Less fun was listening to my voice on the air, which I hate. I know that everyone hates hearing their own voice, but I REALLY hate it, and that's hardly healthy for a radio guy. I hear a nasal, high-pitched stammerer with an indistinct melange of mid-Atlantic accents (New Jersey, Philly, and bland), almost Howard Sprague-like. Since I've actually done radio myself, I know it can't be THAT horrible, but I suspect it's close. And that means that every time I heard myself pop up on Don's show, I winced. Thousands of Sacramento listeners know me as that radio reporter dude with the funny voice. Yep, that's me.

But I raced to get the thing done by deadline, and I did. And I sent it to Nick to get it posted and... well, not yet. But you can get a preview by listening to that show on the Net. No, I won't tell you where. I sound terrible on it.

EXCUSES, EXCUSES

Sorry, next couple of days will be ultra-busy. I'll try to get something up here, but no guarantees.

Tonight? Nope. Too late.

FLOP EAGLES FLOP

Hey, how 'bout that Roy Oswalt? Amazing dominance, and...

...football? Oh, right, there was a game.

Yeah, this Leonard Weaver performance sums it up:

Knees aren't supposed to do that. The rest, well, let's skip it. Gonna be a long season.

THEY STOOD ALONE AT FAIRMOUNT AND EL CAJON

Wanted to repost this classic jingle just so I don't forget where I found it:

The Pearson Ford jingle stood out on San Diego radio because it was so utterly dated. After a while, "dated" turns into cool. This was cool.

The dealership closed and Pearson merged with another dealership in Kearny Mesa, rendering the jingle inaccurate. I miss hearing it.

NINE YEARS

It seems like everybody has a "where I was" story about today. Here's mine:

I was here. Right where I always am, at my desk, in front of my computer, early in the morning. The radio was on, I half-heard something about "plane hit the World Trade Center," put Fox news on in a window on the computer, and watched the second plane hit. That's pretty much it, other than waking Fran up to tell her the world had changed.

Not that exciting, but that's how it is for a lot of people. "I remember what I was doing" means "I wasn't doing anything special." And I didn't know at the time that I knew some of the people in that tower, people who were above the impact, people who died that day.

I don't like remembering that moment, but it's important not to forget. Right now, people haven't forgotten, but it's a matter of time; While I was at the cash register buying stuff at Wal-Mart today, the cashier and bagger were talking about that day, and one said "I can barely remember it." That's nine years, and maybe she was ten or so when it happened. The next generation won't recall it at all, and I read something today about how young Germans are swelling with pride about the Fatherland and don't think much about the country's Nazi past. After a few generations, people DO forget.

But not yet.

FOOTBALL IN THE AGE OF AQUARIUS

It's that season again. I keep this at my desk:

How's that for 1970? The Philadelphia Eagles yearbook/media guide had a zodiac theme, and I suppose the excuse is that part in the middle, "The 5th Season." Um... okay.

Here's one of the stars o that team:

"The other" Bill Bradley, a safety, punter, and kick returner (guys did that kind of all-purpose thing back then), played for the Eagles from 1969 through 1976, and was selected to the Pro Bowl three times. He's now a secondary coach for the UFL's Florida Tuskers.

This guy became famous for an on-field tragedy:

Chuck Hughes played for the Eagles as, mostly, a special-teams guy for two seasons. By the time the 1970 season started, he was traded to Detroit. In 1971, playing for the Lions against Chicago, he was heading back to the huddle after a play he wasn't even part of when he dropped right onto the 15 yard line without being touched. He had a massive, fatal heart attack on the spot. 28 years old.

This guy made a name for himself off the field:

Tim Rossovich ate light bulbs. At least, that's what he used to do to get attention. The idea was to play up his toughness, and he did make the Pro Bowl in 1969. By 1972, he was in San Diego, then in the WFL, then briefly with Houston and out of football, whereupon he joined his brother in the acting profession. No credits since 1998 ("Mike Hammer, Private Eye," as "Car Chase Guy 1").

The quarterback:

Norm Snead. The guy they got in 1964 by trading Sonny Jurgensen, which must have seemed totally reasonable at the time, since Snead was younger and was a Pro Bowl pick in '62. Indeed, he made the all-star squad again in 1965 befofe piloting the Eagles into mediocrity. They dumped him after 1970; he then became a Pro Bowl quarterback again for the Giants in 1972. Of course.

Look at who was on the squad:

Yes, THAT John Carlos, previously known -- STILL known -- for raising his fist in a Black Power salute on the winner's stand after the 200-meter dash at the 1968 Summer Olympics. He was drafted in the 15th round by the Eagles but didn't last; he also played in the CFL. Extreme trivia: He's the godfather of Kenny Williams, Chicago White Sox GM.

Another rookie in camp:

One that got away. Mark Moseley ended up being the Redskins' kicker for a long time. One of the last straight-on, non-soccer-style kickers. Pro Bowl, Redskins Ring of Fame, MVP in '82. Coulda used him.

Man, after all that football, a guy can get mighty thirsty. Sing along, everybody:

Funny, but I just yesterday read something someplace -- I can't remember where -- in which people were trying to remember the lyrics to the Ballantine Beer song. Here they are. Yes, Ballantine still exists, brewed by Miller under contract to Pabst, and it comes mostly in 40s. Back then, it was a major, major brand.

One more bit of trivia: I didn't remember this, but the second game of the season, against Chicago (a loss, of course), was played in Evanston at Northwestern's Dyche Stadium, because the NFL insisted that the Bears try it out due to Wrigley Field's small capacity. Local NIMBYs made that a one-time thing. The Bears moved to Soldier Field the next year.

Okay, that's enough football nostalgia for a team that was horrible: 3-10-1, including losing their first seven straight. Let's get this season started.

SUAVE, SOPHISTICATED CAT LITTER

I took a survey the other day, and it was about cat litter. No, really. As the co-owner of Ella the World's Most Famous Cat, it is my responsibility to purchase and deploy the proper amount of cat litter, so when one of those online survey things where you get frequent-flyer miles for answering questions had one aimed at cat litter consumers, I was in.

So I'm answering questions, and it turns out that they're doing the survey on behalf of a particular brand of litter. And the survey wanted to know if certain phrases applied to that product. Here are a few of those phrases:

"Plays to win." Does cat litter "play?"

"Solid citizen." Why, my cat litter votes in every election.

"Scrappy." This cat litter always hustles.

"Elite and upper class." As elite and upper class as it gets when you're talking about cat poop, I suppose.

"Free-spirited." "Daring and adventurous." "Raises social consciousness." Um... what?

"Looks out for number one." Ah, well, that's one that applies. It looks out for number two, too.

What this says to me is that someone hired the wrong research people and they pretty much took a standard set of survey questions and slapped 'em onto the cat litter survey. If anyone at the cat litter company had reviewed the questions in advance, they'd have noticed that they were paying to ask people whether their cat litter "plays to win." And they'd have told the research people that perhaps people don't either know or care whether their cat litter plays to win, that "plays to win" never, ever occurs to anyone when thinking about cat litter.

But that didn't happen. And so there's a cat litter being researched as "scrappy" and "free-spirited." Silly me. I thought it was just a pile of clay for Ella to take a dump on.

NO-WHINING ZONE

I wrote a piece this evening about time and lack of it and how much work I have to do, but it came across as whining, so I deleted the whole thing before I published it. You don't care about that, and I don't blame you.

It's busy, yes, but I'll manage. Sometimes, I can't do much here. Since it doesn't pay, it's at the bottom of the priority list. There, I said it. But that's how it is. After, what, seven-plus years of doing this, I should be entitled to some breaks.

In the meantime, I'll likely be making another radio appearance before the end of the week. I'll let you know when that'll be, if I can remember it and assuming it's a go. It may not be what I'd WANT you to hear, but it could be funny anyway, as I try to dodge whatever a particular prominent comic radio host throws at me. But that's another day. Right now, all I want is some sleep.

THE LEIF GARRETT SPECIAL

May 18, 1979, TV Guide:

Do I really need to say anything more about this?

Of COURSE there's video someplace:

Epic. The 70's were just that cringe-worthy.

LABOR, INTENSIVE

Hope y'all had a nice Labor Day. I worked.

Back to normal, whatever that is, tomorrow.

DAY OFF

Day off. From here, too.

THIS IS (COUGH) MARLBORO COUNTRY (WHEEZE)

The back cover of TV Guide, November 25-December 1, 1967:

For just a buck, you could get "The Music From Marlboro Country," which was breathlessly described as allowing listeners to "hear the big, moving drama of Marlboro Country in virtually every musical style." Yes, it was the Marlboro theme, played in jazz, country, and even mariachi versions. Piece of steaming excrement, right?

But it wasn't. It was actually the composer, Elmer Bernstein himself, conducting (on several cuts) a bunch of variations of that tune, which you might also remember as the theme to "The Magnificent Seven." Divorce it from the cigarette and it's a legendary piece of movie muslc, nominated for the Academy Award for best original score, and the album also included some other music from the same score. So, yeah, it was worth a buck. It was released by United Artists Records' "Special Projects" division, for discount purposes like this offer.

What's it worth today? Someone's selling a used copy on eBay. As of today, it's still a buck. Ninety-nine cents, to be exact. Plus $5.75 shipping. Considering inflation, that's in the ballpark. It's ten bucks here.

Elmer Bernstein, of course, was one of the greatest movie music composers ever, with an incredible list of credits -- "The Man With The Golden Arm," "The Ten Commandments," "Fear Strikes Out," "The Sweet Smell of Success," "Birdman of Alcatraz,' "To Kill A Mockingbird," "Walk on the Wild Side," "Hud" -- you tired yet? -- "Thoroughly Modern Millie,' "True Grit"... and after all that, he scored "Animal House," "Slap Shot," "Airplane!," "The Blues Brothers," "An American Werewolf in London," "Heavy Metal," "Stripes," "Trading Places," and "My Left Foot." (And "The Grifters, "Cape Fear," and many more) Now it would be REALLY cool to have that album. Where's the MP3 release?

YOUTUBERY: YOU'RE WATCHING 1971

The Fuzzy Memories Chicago TV history website has always posted a lot of amazing vintage local TV video, but these are among the best, because they're among the oldest examples of local breaks and bumpers from cheesy local UHF independent TV. They're from old reel-to-reel videotape and they're from 1971. And this is what a typical UHF independent looked like in 1971.

The beginning of a newsbreak, with a color slide but black-and-white talking head:

Commercial breaks in "The Honeymooners" -- check out the console TVs with rounded screen. Plus cling peaches!:

The end of the movie "Topper," with a station ID (and, yes, TV stations DID use prints that blurry and bad back then):

Nice 70's color scheme.

A commercial for the old WEFM:

There's tons more of this on YouTube and at fuzzymemories.tv. Go there if you're as fascinated by the stuff TV stations threw out or didn't record 30 and 40 years ago as I am.

PIK CHICKS

I haven't the slightest idea:

Pik Chicks, barbecue flavored Chicken in a Biskit crackers? Don't remember them at all. The ad's from 1966, and I put it in here for a couple of reasons:

1. I'm short of time and this is easy.

2. Do a Google search on "Pik Chicks" and you'll find nothing about this.

3. The Wikipedia entry on "In a Biskit" says that the line was invented in 1968 in Australia. Clearly, that's not true.

4. Chicken-flavored crackers? An odd thing in general, even though you can still, obviously, purchase the originals at any grocery.

So there it is, for posterity. And... ugh.

IT'S LATE, AT LEAST FOR ME

Out late for a lovely evening and dinner in Pasadena with a friend visiting from the mysterious East (Philadelphia). I'd forgotten how much I enjoy that town; It's been a long time since I worked there.

But it's already past my bedtime, so... see you tomorrow. Maybe.

March 2012

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Who?

    Perry Michael Simon. Talk radio guy. Editor of the News-Talk-Sports section at AllAccess.com. Editor and writer at Chris Hardwick's Nerdist.com. Former Program Director, Operations Manager, host, and general nuisance at KLSX/Los Angeles, Y-107/Los Angeles, New Jersey 101.5. Freelance writer on media, sports, pop culture, based somewhere in the Los Angeles area. Contact him here. Copyright 2003-2012 Perry Michael Simon. Yeah.

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