PMSimon.com

I just had to sneak out of the other room for a few minutes.

Fran rented "Monster-in-Law."

I know there's a basketball game somewhere. Shaq, Kobe, rescue me from the grip of Hanoi Jane and J-Lo. please.

How long before Fran notices I never came back from taking that "phone call"?

 Share

How's this "week practically off" thing going so far?

Tried to sleep in. Forget it. A nightmare had me waking up quite literally screaming. (Drove off the side of a bridge- don't ask)

Fran thinks maybe that without a full slate of work to occupy my mind, my anxieties are taking over. She may be right. On the other hand, I'd hate to think that I can only function when being worked to death.

One positive thing: there's only one bridge around here. And it has big iron barriers so you'd be hard-pressed to drive off it. So I got that going for me.

Oh, and I accidentally kicked Ella the World's Most Famous Cat clear down the hall while stumbling out of the bathroom at 3 am. Sorry, kid.

 Share

On the way to the checkout at the Target in Torrance today, I saw a bin of public domain DVDs- marked down from a dollar to fifty cents each. It was a pile of the usual suspects- the old westerns and those dodgy-origin episodes of "The Beverly Hillbillies," and then there was this:

Burns and Allen! Four episodes! For 50 cents! Half a buck is no gamble at all to drop on one of these- the prints are shaky, and the end credits are cropped off, but what the hell, for fifty cents it's worth it.

The show, of course, was the original TV fourth-wall breaker, George addressing the audience to make sardonic commentary about the proceedings. In the early days, transferring from radio, they hadn't really gotten to the level of absurdity that they reached later in the run, in the episodes you'd remember from incessant rain-delay reruns back in the 60s and 70s. These episodes were from the very first season, 1950-51, and it shows- the video is from ancient kinescopes with a dark shadow on the right of the screen, the shows were done live on a cramped stage in a New York theater...

...and, critically, there wasn't much fourth-wall-breaking yet- George did a monologue to introduce the show...

...and then they launched into sitcom mode, albeit featuring Gracie's weirdness. Bea Benaderet was there from the beginning as neighbor Blanche Morton, but they were at the very beginning of a succession of Harry Mortons, starting here with Hal March, later to achieve game-show-hosting infamy...

March was followed by John Brown for a year, then the far more familiar, way more crotchety Fred Clark and, most familiarly, Larry Keating, later to serve as Mr. Ed's neighbor. And it was also before Harry Von Zell's better-known run as the on-camera announcer/foil to George; here, Bill Goodwin is insulting Burns while squiring a babe around the set, a regular gag on the show. Goodwin later served as the narrator for the TV version of "Gerald McBoing Boing" (Marvin Miller of "The Millionaire" narrated the original theatrical short) and died young- at 48, from a heart attack.

The episodes themselves are fitfully amusing. It's standard stuff with plots- Gracie plans a wedding, Gracie's afraid that George will see a dent in the car- that rapidly became cliches, including one where they host a teenage girl while her parents are away, and it's what you remember from Lucy and "The Honeymooners" and every other sitcom of the era, with George and Gracie baffled by the ways of the teenagers:

But George and Gracie take a look at the wild, savage dancing and decide, well, what the hell:

I'd prefer some episodes from the truly weird, funny later years (pre-Ronnie, preferably), and I'd like to see better prints and the closing "say goodnight, Gracie" schtick and credits, but, geez, you know, fifty cents. Not bad.

Oh, and regarding yesrerday's nightmare, I drove across the Vincent Thomas Bridge today and didn't drive off it into the harbor. I feel much better about things now.

 Share

A company called Eastern Research called us at 8:00 tonight for a survey. I told them to shove their survey- we're unlisted for a reason. Besides, the telemarketer- sorry, phone surveyor- wasn't terribly nice and seemed to be having a tough time communicating. Then I looked them up and saw that they specialize in phone research targeting Hispanic households.

My phone exchange is by a wide margin predominantly white and Asian. They missed the Latino community by, oh, about 10 miles and at least a couple of zip codes and phone exchanges.

If you want to target the Hispanic community, you might want to consider that little gaffe. I believe "D'oh!" is the same in English and Spanish.

 Share

Message to the two yentas who saw me trip and rip up my knee- if you do not intend to actually stop and help, asking "are you OK?" in the most insincere manner possible is not appreciated, especially when the answer is "no" and there's blood gushing from my leg. And just trotting away when I clearly could use some help is evidence that you really would have come off better had you not even bothered to ask.

You're welcome.

 Share

Aimlessly wandering on Usenet, I happened upon a thread in alt.obituaries (don't ask) that had an interesting premise- someone asked not about shows that "jumped the shark" but rather were shows you loved years ago that, when you see them now, just plain suck. It's not a bad off-day topic, actually- I can think of a few that fit the bill:

All in the Family: A real departure, and everyone watched it back in the day. Now, it's obvious, shrill, and really, deeply unfunny. As is...

The Jeffersons: Ditto, although less so than AITF. But I can't put "Good Times," the ultimate unfunny sitcom, on this list, because I hated it then and it's no better now. Same for "One Day at a Time," "Maude," and most other sitcoms of the era. (Although from the same time, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" is pretty much as amusing as I remember it, and the original "Bob Newhart Show" is, too)

M*A*S*H: I did watch it in the first few years before bailing when every episode seemed to lead to a "very special" plot twist that made some war-is-not-healthy-for-children-and-other-living-things "statement." And today, even the first few seasons, the Henry Blake years, are grating and annoying.

Happy Days: Kinda liked the first couple of seasons. Now, it's amusing in a car-wreck sense. Never really funny the way the producers intended, but now it's really embarrassing. And what kind of society was it that accepted Henry Winkler as a "tough guy" who just happened to befriend the nerdiest guys in school? Did anyone notice the 1970's hair on Potsie and Ralph and especially Chachi when it was supposed to be the late 50's and early 60's? (Chachi, for one, would have been beaten beyond recognition had he showed up for school in 1961 looking like that) And who thought it was a good idea to let Anson Williams sing? Ever? Forget the shark, this show went horribly wrong from the start. (Okay, you can let the first couple of seasons pass if you must, but there is no excuse for Leather Tuscadero, even if she IS currently a fellow radio geek)

Welcome Back, Kotter: All the rage when I was in high school. EVERYONE watched it. Now, it seems really... off. How shall I say it? The Sweathogs are... er... not very tough. Maybe they were the "tough guys" at the "Fame" high school.

The Munsters: Loved it in 1966. Now, it's not even very enjoyable on a camp basis, except maybe the one where Herman plays baseball, or Herman plays basketball, or Paul Lynde plays a doctor. "The Addams Family," in contrast, is even better than I remembered it- creepy and weird, in a GOOD way.

I'm sure I could come up with more, but I'm off this week, remember?

 Share

2005 sucked.

Next!

 Share

It's fitting, of course, that the last day of 2005 is a rainy, miserable, foggy one in Southern California.

Says it all.

I hope that tomorrow having the same weather doesn't say it all about 2006.

Happy New Year.

 Share