Beautiful day for a stroll today, so we did that in Redondo Beach, where they were having a street fair. And one of the booths was selling books, but a special kind of books for children. These were books that, according to the sign draped in the back, teach "self-esteem" and "diversity" and "tolerance" and other attributes everyone wants for their children, because every parent wants to raise a potential victim.
I checked out the catalog. They have books about...
1. Defining "beautiful" ("Maybe somebody is beautiful because she or he has something which we can't see, hear, or feel right away... maybe somebody who is peaceful is beautiful"). Inner beauty, blah blah blah. True dat, except that there ARE people who are not beautiful. This book urges kids to find the beauty in everyone. Kids need to know right away that some things, and some people are pretty damn ugly. Certainly, the kid punching your teeth to the back of your throat isn't beautiful.
2. Defining "funny." Uh oh. It's all about "sensitivity and awareness in children's humor." Listen, kids are cruel. And so are adults. Life is cruel. Besides, "sensitivity and awareness" means you end up with no humor at all. You have a child protected from "cruel" humor and that kid will grow up to be an unhappy adult who doesn't laugh much and listens to "A Prairie Home Companion." And maybe writes "sensitive and aware" children's books.
3. Defining "right." And here's the money quote: "Maybe what is right for us is not right for our neighbor. Maybe what is right for us is not right for other people or not right in other places." It's never too early to inculcate a sense of moral relativism in kiddies. Maybe they'll all grow up to be very tolerant of the people who plan to kill them. Besides, I believe the sentiments expressed in this book were better stated in a previous form:
Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
A man is born, he's a man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.
But they got, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.
Yes, it does.
4. Defining "love." This one talks about "that big inside rainbow feeling of Live for someone who has a different skin color than you do...." Okay, but instead of calling the book "What is Love?", it would have been more accurate to call it "What is Multiculturalism, And How Can We Slip It Into The Curriculum?" Nothing particularly wrong with it, but truth in advertising is always preferred.
5. Defining "death." Hey, kids, you've been on this Earth for only a few years- time to learn about checking out! And it's okay! Here, try it!
6. Defining "God." Yeah, all the same. You could probably write this one yourself.
The gentlemen selling the books- one appeared to be the author- were gentle souls with a penchant for the hard sell. They were really working the crowd, practically shoving the books into people's hands, and seemingly selling a good number of books. I expect a bumper crop of kids getting their asses kicked but good in Redondo in about 5 years.
And that's life. I was a fairly sensitive, non-violent, understanding, intelligent child. I got beaten up on a regular basis. Childhood, for me, sucked. But I learned valuable lessons that have made me a reasonably well-adjusted and successful adult, namely:
1. There's lots of ugliness in the world. Not everything is "beautiful." That goes for the bullies, and it also goes for appearance. Yes, kids, face it: inner beauty is wonderful, and necessary, but you don't want to have sex with someone who resembles something you saw on an Aminal Planet special. Or maybe you do.
2. Racism and sexism and other intolerance are not proper sources for humor, except when they are. Turns out it's possible to laugh at taboo jokes- and at other people- and not be a racist/sexist/bad person, because we all do.
3. Turns out some things ARE just plain "right." Turns out that just because someone else may not agree doesn't mean that you're not right. Turns out that, say, murdering innocent civilians is "wrong" and the terrorist/insurgent/"freedom fighters" idea that it's "right" is wrong. Turns out that not everything is relative.
4. Kids, no book can tell you what "love" is. You'll know it when you feel it. Although you'll probably be wrong the first four or five times. Someone tell that to the girl in Michigan who thinks she's in love with the Middle Eastern MySpace guy.
5. Everybody dies. Thinking about it when you're a kid just sucks. There'll be plenty of time for that when you're older. In fact, it'll become a dominant theme of much of adulthood.
6. Your own God is the real one. Everyone else's is just plain weird. This goes for whatever religion you're in. Makes it all a lot less complicated.
Maybe I should write some children's books. Seems like a lucrative racket.
Share