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The homeowners' association is holding its annual Block Party right now. We're not there.

I suppose this is bad form and unneighborly, but we've been to several of these things and we felt very out of place. The talk among the locals is almost entirely about their kids, and school things, and kids' activities, and we end up sitting there silently munching and wondering what's on TV. We don't have kids, don't follow what's going on in the local school system, don't work at the kind of jobs the neighbors do- they seem to puzzle over why we're both home all day- and don't apparently share a whole lot of interests with them.

I wish we did have more in common with the neighbors. They seem like nice people, nice enough, at least, and there's nothing intrinsically wrong with them. But every time we show up to a community event, we're alone. We're in suburbia, but not OF suburbia. I'd like to be involved in the community- I've looked into what city associations and panels and committees I could join, and Fran does volunteer- but so far, there's nothing. They disbanded the cable TV committee, the local tech group is a bunch of insular spotty geek types, and there's no point in joining the Chamber of Commerce, since I don't have any business to offer them and they have nothing I need. The homeowners' association is lorded over by an attorney who has that attorneyish tendency to be a my-way-or-the-highway guy (at the meetings, he basically tells everyone there's no option other than what he thinks, then asks for opposing opinions in a way that indicates there ARE none).

So I'm at the computer, the sounds of the kids yelling and playing at the block party wafting up the street and into my window, along with music- Harry Belafonte, if I'm not mistaken. I don't feel like I'm missing anything from the party, but I wish I could figure out a way to be more a part of the community. I've lived here for over 10 years now, but I still feel like an outsider. Maybe it's just as well- after the Eagles game today, I'm not sure I want to talk to anyone again. Ever.

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Okay, so I'm officially getting old.

This evening's priority was to go to the eye doctor and get my vision checked. I still have pretty good vision, but in the last year or so I've been getting that thing where I have to move reading material farther away from my face to see it clearly. Gee, doc, I'm doing well in the tests, so what's the problem?

"You're getting older."

Oh. Thanks.

So I'm getting reading glasses. I'm getting no sympathy from Fran, who's worn glasses since early childhood. They're part of her fashion statement. Me, I've never worn glasses, except for sunglasses. I've always had excellent vision- I can still read the names painted on the sides of freighters in the Catalina Channel several miles offshore. In the tests, I was reading the tiny bottom line with little problem. But move something close up and I get the squints. Needless to say, this is quite distressing.

And expensive. I can't get a cheap pair of Dr. Dean Edell readers at Long's Drugs, because a) they look goofy, b) my ears are slightly misaligned and cheap glasses look lopsided on my face, and c) I have a slight case of astigmatism that they won't correct. So instead, I had to go for an eye test and measurement, and I had to get frames that didn't make me look like I bought a cheap pair of Dr. Dean Edell readers at Long's Drugs. And instead of nine or ten bucks for a cheap pair of Dr. Dean Edell readers at Long's Drugs, it was, er, more. A lot more. Hundreds more. Granted, they're trendy/quirky- you know the hotheaded young CSI guy on "CSI:NY"? Kinda like his- and they're custom and anti-glare and prescription, but, still, that's another expensive thing I wasn't anticipating having to buy. But I gotta be able to read, and so instead of a cheap pair of Dr. Dean Edell readers at Long's Drugs, it's an expensive pair of Ted Baker frames with special lenses, with a special free bonus of extreme paranoia that I'm gonna lose them or sit on them in the car or otherwise abuse them. I'm not good with sunglasses, but I'm going to have to be good with these.

My dad had good vision, too. He didn't start having to use glasses until he was in his... well, maybe about my age, but not really very much until he got to his 60s, at which point he had big reading glasses, tortoise-shell aviator jobs that brought to mind Swifty Lazar or Lew Wasserman. And while my father was in most ways a man who I would do well to emulate, on this one I had to go the opposite way. I'll rock the little trendoid frames, not the Mr. Magoo type that magnifies your eye so you look perpetually surprised. I'm surprised enough that I'm... I'm... you know. Older. I'm not ready for this.

There are worse things, like my knees that don't allow me to run much faster than a plod. I check the top of my head on a regular basis, looking to see if any more scalp is showing. I've already been through one bout of tooth disintegration. And now this. But I'm not yet eligible for any AARP discounts, so I can still cling to a few more years of relative youth.

And if you ask nicely, they'll serve you the senior specials at Coco's even if you're not a senior yet. At least, I think that's what's happening. I hope they don't think... nah, couldn't be.

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We're sitting here in the living room watching TV and waiting to dispense Sour Patch candies to the local urchins. We've only had two doorbell rings so far- it'll pick up later, I guess, but it tends to be feast or famine where that's concerned. We alternate from year to year, fromso many kids we run out of candy to so few we have candy for the rest of the year. I hope the latter doesn't happen, because we took the drastic step this year of buying candy we don't like. We don't want to eat that stuff, don't want the empty calories, don't want to get stuck with a huge pile of sour crap. The kids like it, so I hope they come so wecan get rid of it.

I had the NBA opener on for a while, but the Heat apparently thought that there wasn't a game scheduled following the ring ceremony, so we switched to an "all-new 'House.'" And that's where we stand now, waiting for kids to beg for sour sugary crap and watching Hugh Laurie gain a new nemesis in a ticked-off David Morse.

And it's all very boring and suburban, but considering where we've been this year, it's remarkable that we're back to this. And comforting. A year ago, we were in the same place doing pretty much the same thing, blissfully unaware of what was to come. Then we were living in a "House" episode and dealing with real-life frights. And now, we're back to watching "House" on TV and dealing with little kids dressed up as ghouls who go away when you throw sugar at them. I'm no Halloween fan, but this year's model is preferable to the real thing.

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Last night's total for trick-or-treaters: four doorbell rings.

Four. That's pathetic. But it followed form: in odd years, we get a huge mob of kids and pretty much run out of candy. In even years, nada. This is an even year.

And that's why we have a big bowl filled with Sour Patch Kids and Skittles. We don't like Sour Patch Kids and Skittles. Check that: we didn't like Sour Patch Kids and Skittles. While waiting for the kids who never showed up, we tried said Sour Patch Kids, and they were... interesting. I kinda like that sour kick, the salty initial note that dissolves into sweetness, sort of a Chuckles for the 21st Century. Not bad.

But not chocolate. This morning on WIP, Angelo Cataldi was comically ranting about today's kids and their preference for Skittles- he insisted that there's something wrong with people who don't prefer chocolate. I wouldn't go quite that far, but I'd agree that, given the choice between Skittles and virtually anything chocolate, you gotta go for the chocolate. The ranking is like this:

1. Peanut M&Ms, Peanut Chews, Baby Ruth, Snickers, Reese's- anything involving peanuts and chocolate
2. Plain M&Ms, Twix, Kit-Kats, Mr. Goodbar, Crunch
3. Hershey's
4. Any other chocolate candy
5. Starburst, Twizzlers
6. Sour candy
7. Jolly Ranchers
8. Skittles
9. Circus Peanuts, Candy Corn
10. Sen-Sen

(Do they even make Sen-Sen anymore? Apparently, yes)

(And while I'm typing this, I'm listening to Deminski and Doyle talk about ESPN.com having done a candy bracket that pretty much mines the same material- here it is. Damn. Well, I'm not rewriting this one. Screw it. Let them have their bracket- I still have Sen-Sen)

But we're stuck with a lot of candy we don't need and can only tolerate. And we're stuclk with the memory of some groups of kids walking RIGHT PAST our house and not even bothering to come to our door for candy. Maybe it was because we didn't show up at the block party. Maybe we're the creepy weird couple nobody knows and everyone distrusts. Maybe the neighbors think we're crazy cat people, or this is a meth lab or something. Oh, well, at least they leave us alone. With our Sour Patch Kids.

Next year, we get Snickers.

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Just upgraded Movable Type, so I'm checking to see if it works. If you see this, it did. If not, well, um, then you wouldn't be reading this to... um... never mind. It's late.

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This week's All Access newsletter addresses the one question I've heard most often lately (besides "are you going to go out of the house dressed like THAT?"): Hear of any new job openings lately?:

Is this "Everybody Gets Fired Month?" I must have missed the memo.

Next week: there may or may not be a Letter, because I'll be taking a few days off at the end of next week. How else am I supposed to catch up with "All My Children"?

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I am totally uninspired. It was a long day of writing and firings and mind-numbing stuff, and now I'm awaiting the truly unpleasant part of my eye test where they dilate my pupils and make me stare at lights and dots and stuff, after which I go home with a pair of reading glasses to seal my membership in the Old Farts Club, and that doesn't make for the proper state of mind to write, so the hell with it.

Here- you can subscribe to Larry's podcasts of classic Regular Guys clips here, since you won't hear the Regular Guys on radio for a while and not in their former configuration ever again, most likely. Don't miss Larry's sister explaining how their father Old Man Picklenose vomited in her driveway. Comedy gold.

Now, I'm gonna go have drops put into my eyes that'll make everything blurry for hours. That's much more efficient than the normal procedure of administering beer until the same effect is achieved.

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Tem minutes of the third quarter of the Pacers-Knicks tonight reminded me of why I just have no enthusiasm for the NBA this season, even with the Sixers riding a two game opening winning streak. (Okay, they beat Atlanta and Orlando, but you take what you can get)

The game was played in near silence from what's left of the trendoid Garden crowd- it's Saturday night, and I guess the Garden is no longer the place to be seen unless you're Spike Lee (too committed as Knicks Fan Number One to bail now) or Howard Stern (always a couple of years late). The problem was that both teams were sloppy, lethargic, slow-motion, the Knicks painfully so. Francis would be dribbling, weaving, moving, and the other four guys would stand flat-footed staring at him. On defense, the Knicks were always a step behind Indiana, which was not because Indiana was all that swift or crisp. It was like watching mid-to-low-rank high school ball, or Division III college ball between schools that don't care about basketball. (I know from that: I went to one of those schools) Two teams sleepwalking in front of people who paid hundreds of dollars to be there ("Where's Reggie Miller? What? Retired? When?") and are now wondering if they can get their reservations at Nobu moved up an hour- yeah, that's worth the ticket price right there.

That's why I didn't sign up for the NBA League Pass package this season after having it for a few years- that, and the Sixers aren't likely to go anywhere again. If things heat up, I'll pick it up in midseason. But I've watched basketball for about 40 years, I sat in nearly empty buildings in Teaneck, NJ and Philadelphia watching lousy pro teams slog their ways through long seasons, and I know when a sport's in full sag mode. The NBA doesn't matter right now. It's boring. I reserve the right to change my mind- and, when the League Pass goes to ninety nine bucks halfway through, I probably will just say the hell with it and sign up- but right now, I have better things to do with my time.

Although the Washington-Boston game's on in HD. Might have to check that out for a few minutes.

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Oh, yeah, got my reading glasses yesterday. Trendy Ted Baker frames and everything. I think they make me look cool, but you be the judge:

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