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Can we just get rid of all of the other commercials and the football stuff and Stevie Nicks and Cirque du Soleil and just have CBS play that Charlize Theron Dior commercial over and over?

'Course, with Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Bedrock)'s YouTubes, that's not necessary:

Thank you, technology.

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I'm not really live-blogging the game; while I'm still at the computer, I'll throw up some observations, but when the columns are done, it's off to the big screen plasma...

3:26 pm: Well, that didn't take long. You kick to Devin Hester, you take your chances. That's one less touchdown that Rex has to come up with.

3:30 pm: What's this thing with the players turning around when they're introduced? Do we need this to be "creative"? Just give the lineups.

3:34 pm: It's natural to be a little jittery out of the chute, but two false starts, a couple of near interceptions, and, finally, an actual interception is no way to start a Super Bowl. Memo to Manning:you're looking for Harrison, not Harris.

3:35 pm: First in-game commercials- stupid Bud Light rock-paper-scissors spot, mildly clever viewer-submitted Doritos spot. Nothing Super Bowl-memorable.

3:38 pm: Rex pitches one long into double coverage, lucky not to be intercepted. The Rex we've come to know and, er, love. Three and out after an interception. Yecch.

3:39 pm: Another unfunny Gaffigan/Black Sierra Mist spot, then another inexplicable SalesGenie.com spot, then yet another unfunny Gaffigan/Black Sierra Mist spot. Are those SalesGenie spots supposed to make us want to be like that smarmy Ken doll? If I'm a salesperson and I see those commercials depicting a top sales guy, I'm jumping off the Vincent Thomas Bridge. Gaffigan's a funny guy, Black a little irritating, but the Sierra Mist spots aren't selling me any soda. If I didn't know about the spots beforehand, i wouldn't remember what they were trying to sell.

3:47 pm: Manning hits a wide-open Wayne. Not a single Bear near him. But then they botch the snap on the extra point- the snap's OK but mishandled in the rain. Literally sloppy game so far.

3:48 pm: Toyota truck races through a closing gate and stops just before plummeting off a ramp. Like anyone would believe it can do that. FedEx in space: meh. Bud Light wedding gag- auctioneer officiates so everyone can damage their livers more quickly. Meh.

3:50 pm: This time, the Bears fumble on the kick return. Manning returns the favor with a horribly botched handoff that Manning thumped right into Addai's chest but Addai was being hit at the time. Next play, Jones takes it almost all the way. I hope the rain keeps falling and it gets really, really sloppy- there's nothing more entertaining than a Mud Bowl, except, perhaps, a Snow Bowl.

3:54 pm: A touchdown pass by Rex Grossman. Shock.

3:55 pm: Homoerotic Snickers commercial. Previously seen Schick commercial. Spot for the movie "Pride," which appears to be the heartwarming story of how a team of black swimmers beat a team of white swimmers. Promo for "Survivor: Fiji." It's raining harder. High-scoring, bad weather- I think I like this. After the kickoff, a musical Chevy commercial that did not make me want to buy a Chevy, a Carlos Mencia Bud Light commercial that did not make me want a Bud Light, a Grammys promo involving Justin Timberlake, and, finally, paydirt: a surprise promo with Letterman and Oprah watching the game. Short but effective.

4:00 pm: They're now showing the Reggie Wayne touchdown again. Why? That happened a long time ago- it wasn't even the last score.

4:04 pm: Another fumble. Punched loose by Sanders. Seriously, the messier and sloppier this gets, the more entertaining it'll be for anyone who doesn't have a horse in this race.

4:07 pm: Manning almost had Harrison, but a nice play knocked it loose. Bad neutral zone infraction by the Bears on the supsequent punt but not enough to give the Colts a shot at the field goal, and that's where the rain plays a part- they'd have given Vinatieri a shot if the weather wasn't a risk.

4:14 pm: First CBS-stars-in-the-stands sighting, and it's a bad one: David Spade, Patrick Warburton, and Oliver Hudson uncomfortably seated together in the rain, promoting their new, dire-looking sitcom. Warburton, I could buy as a football fan. Spade? Not in a million years.

4:15 pm: Go Daddy- more babes, although not enough of them and not good-looking enough. Old Coke ad, a take-off of GTA- they couldn't come up with a new one? How lame is that? Generic CBS promo selling that they're number one, as if anyone would care. You have "CSI"? You don't say!

4:22 pm: Colts settle for a field goal. A couple of plays that had no chance to go anywhere- lousy play-calling. Addai had no room.

4:23 pm: Budweiser dog commercial- sad dog joins parade. EVeryone but me seems to love the animal Bud spots. Stupid Garmin spot with "Mapzilla"- does nothing for me, but then again I never need a GPS and maps don't bother me. CBS Cares with Lovie and Dungy- er, OK. More Grammys- no, I don't care about the Police reunion. Hey, they're letting you watch all the ads online- like they're not already on YouTube.

4:28 pm: I'm hungry. Chili's simmering away, there are a few bottles of Shiner in the fridge, I'm ready. Career Builder's replacement for the monkeys is a lame jungle bit with people working in, er, the jungle. Another user-generated Doritos spot followed by a user-generated Chevy spot with guys taking their shirts off to clean a Chevy full of women- what we're seeing here is that the general public can crank out horrible spots just like the professionals.

4:34 pm: Rhodes rams it into the end zone. Much better drive.

4:35 pm: Okay, the Bud Light spot where the fist bump is replaced with a slap in the face made me laugh, even if the final, er, punch line wasn't all that funny. The one where a guy in a heart suit is attacked by bad guys labeled "diabetes," "high blood pressure," etc.- "beatyourrisk.com"- for King Pharmaceuticals was just stupid. And they still persist on trying to convince everyone that Prince is still relevant.

4:38 pm: The chili is definitely calling to me. Meanwhile, a GM spot with an assembly line robot dreaming that he got fired and was reduced to being one of those arrow-sign holders before jumping off a bridge was more depressing than funny- yeah, suicide's a great way to make me want to buy a Pontiac. Coke celebrates black history, as if it's not a marketing ploy.

4:46 pm: Movie promo: "Wild Hogs." "Connectile Dysfunction" ED parody for Sprint- good idea but weak execution- not as over-the-top as the real thing. Another spot for Sprint's useless NFL offerings. Promo for "How I Met Your Mother," which I wish was funnier than it is. Promo for "The Amazing Race All-Stars," which I'm sure will be good as far as reality shows go but which I will not watch. Simms criticizes the Bears' tackling- the Colts are starting to move the ball better, and Addai is picking up his game- and picking up the first down.

4:50 pm: Fletcher caught the ball but then, making his move, flat out dropped it. And on the very next play, Grossman fumbles and the Colts get it back. Rex just didn't grab the snap- it was there, he just missed it. We're back to sloppy. And we're back to the Colts moving it- Rhodes instantly runs for a first down.

4:53 pm: A spot lauding the black coaches, brought to you by the educational folks at Frito-Lay. Fritos... Frito pie... chili... mmmm. I'm going to bail shortly to eat.

4:55 pm: Old guy is inspired to run with the bulls by his first taste of Coke. David Spade is the spawn of Satan... a very fey, humor-impaired Satan.

4:56 pm: Vinatieri misses wide left. There's your half. Here comes my chili. I'll leave Prince to you.

5:38 pm: The chili? Spectacular, and I'm not just saying that because I made it (started at 10 am!) with a loving mixture of beef, beans, tomatoes, seasoning, and a bottle of Shiner Bock. The halftime? An oldies act with a fake crowd- typical. The game? Another Vinatieri field goal. Yawn. The rest? I'm gonna go watch it on the big TV. Work's about done. I'm about done.

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Second half- all the highlights involved Rex Grossman in one way or another, but that was all bad for Chicago. It's funny, they seemed to break off some nice gains on the ground, but insisted on passing, which isn't Mr. Grossman's strong suit right now.

I did, however, enjoy the rain, and the many empty seats as people who spent thousands of dollars to be here bailed early. That was particularly amusing from my seat in warm Southern California, with my perfect view on a widescreen plasma in HD.

And I did enjoy Tony Dungy and Jim Irsay crediting it all to being a good Christian team. Guess God hates the Bears, and no Jewish team will ever win the big game. That's instructive.

Okay, another week and a half and pitchers and catchers report to Clearwater. I'm ready for spring.

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It's intolerably cold over much of the country, so here's the game program from the coldest football game I've ever attended, way, way back in 1974:

There was nothing bigger for many years in Paterson, New Jersey than the annual Thanksgiving clash between the two high schools, Eastside- the same one that later becaame Joe Clark's "Lean On Me" setting- and Kennedy, originally Central. My dad, who served as principal of several schools in Paterson, was an Eastside grad. The games were played at a venerable but horribly worn venue called Hinchliffe Stadium, where my dad played baseball- he was Eastside's second four-letter man, after Larry Doby- and where, he told me that cold morning in 1974, he watched the Phillies' Del Ennis hit a homer into the Great Falls beyond the left field screen in an exhibition game. Hinchliffe was- is- a horseshoe in football configuration- baseball was crammed in so that the right field wall was a pop fly away, a lot like the L.A. Coliseum for Dodger games.

I haven't been able to find any accounts of what happened in that game- I don't remember who won. I do remember drinking steaming hot chocolate to keep warm and I remember the decrepit stadium and the crowd, which wasn't massive. By 1974, interest was already waning somewhat in football, with basketball ascendant at the two schools. But the Eastside-Kennedy game was once the main event, and here's a site with a taste of what it was like, including the contents of three vintage programs and some pictures of the place...

...which is still standing, barely. There have been stabs at renovating it, at making it a sports academy of some sort. I'd like that. It's where my dad reached his athletic apex, it's where I remember spending a morning of bonding with him over hot chocolate and football.

Plus, there's always this ad from the 1974 program:

"Good Times" premiered that Fall. By Thanksgiving, Jimmie Walker was already iconic. Sometimes, greatness IS recognized in its own time.

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One reason soccer didn't take in America back in the "Once in a Lifetime" Cosmos days was that you got games like this one I saw on June 11, 1978, the Cosmos and the Philadelphia Fury. Here's just one page, from that evening's game program, of the Cosmos team photos:

How about that hair?

And here's the Fury's first page:

Therein lay the problem. The Cosmos were loaded with players who, despite some being well past their peak, still had drawing power. Beckenbauer, Chinaglia, Carlos Alberto, Bogie, Tueart- all familiar international names, all still worth a few bucks to see. And then you had the Fury with the most familiar names- Ball, Osgood, Giles- well over the hill, at the tail end, nowhere near the star power. Multiply that into a league of 24 teams with names like the Toronto Metros-Croatia (!) and the New England Tea Men and the Oakland Stompers and the truly unfortunate Caribous of Colorado with rosters of much lesser names and you were left with one drawing card and a bunch of who-dats. Needless to say, one team drew well and the rest drew flies.

Today, of course, it's different, because you have the L.A. Galaxy with Becks and Donovan and then there's... er... that guy... heh... In any event, the league seems determined to get Beckham and the Galaxy to visit every city in the circuit at least once with a heavily backloaded road schedule timed to coincide, they hope, with the Anointed One's arrival in Carson. Once again, there's one team- one guy- everyone wants to see and a bunch of lesser-knowns, kinda like the days when Madison Square Garden would put "GEO MIKAN vs. Knicks" on the marquee. Kinda like the star-studded COSMOS vs. the Memphis Rogues. This time around, at least the MLS has built some foundation- new, soccer-specific stadia, for example- that makes the economics a little better, and there aren't too many teams in the league. But are they going to be able to draw enough for a Kansas City Wizards- F.C. Toronto clash to make them less dependent on BECKHAM vs. wizards? And is there any hope at all for a league with a team named Real Salt Lake?

There wasn't for the league with the Caribous of Colorado and the Toronto Metros-Croatia. Those Cosmos days were a blast, but it would be better for all concerned if history, in this case, refrained from repeating itself.

(And for a radio connection, Chinaglia has a show on Sirius, while Giles went back to Ireland and ended up on NewsTalk 106 in Dublin)

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Running late again, and if I'm going to get any sleep at all, I have to get done now. So nothing from me tonight, except a link: this made me laugh.

There might be a Letter tomorrow. Depends.

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This week's All Access newsletter is the plaintive cry of the willfully passive listener:

This week's theme: don't make me work for my entertainment!

And right here is where, if I practiced what I preach, I'd do a nice big tease for next week's column, to make you eager to read it. Too bad I have no idea what it's gonna be.

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I grew up believing that it is my- it is every American's- duty to exercise the right to vote. Every election was important, because we are blessed with the inalienable right to make decisions for ourselves, to determine our own fate.

So I got the sample ballot for the March 6 election, and here it is:

What the hell am I supposed to do with this?

I have no idea who these people are. I have no stake in the community college district- in fact, I don't even know what the Los Angeles Community College District actually administers.

(Pause to look it up)

Okay, they're the folks who administer Harbor College, which I only know as the "college" alongside the 110 freeway where they have a golf school and driving range. And I've been to Valley College because I had to park there to get a shuttle bus to the Radford Lot once. I know nothing else about it. I am not interested in attending class there. I know nobody in community college. I'm sure they do a fine educational job, but it has nothing to do with me.

Perhaps the sample ballot has a handy guide to the candidates, such as position statements. Let's check.

(Pause to leaf through the sample ballot pamphlet)

Nothing. In fact, the thing has 16 pages plus a 4-page cover, and only one page- what you see above- contains actual election material. The rest? Let's see- a cover page, then a page with a phone number for information repeated in seven different languages (Spanish, Tagalog, Korean, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese), a table of contents page, a page with an ad for touchscreen voting, a page of early touchscreen locations, a page of instructions, another page of instructions in pictures, a page of "ten steps to make sure your vote counts" (step one: "Be Informed"), the ballot, a page about parking at the polling place, a page with a calendar of March with the 6th circled, a page with a form if you want to be a precinct board member or lend out your home as a polling place, a page offering cassette recordings of the pamphlet, a page advertising the LA Cityview Channel where candidates can air video statements (a channel which we DON'T GET), a page on being a "permanent absentee voter," a page on joining your Neighborhood Council, a page of voter information for the City of Los Angeles (in which I do not live), a page on voting by mail, and a vote-by-mail postcard application.

Not a word about the candidates.

Why do they even bother? Why is this an elective office? Nobody but the candidates and their families cares. I doubt the results will even show up in the next day's papers. And we, the people, paid to have this waste of paper printed up and mailed to every registered voter.

Democracy's better than any other alternative, of course. But when there's no information available about the candidates or the board (go ahead, put "Los Angeles Community College District" in Google News and see what you get), why would anyone bother to show up?

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I just spent several hours shredding a pile of credit card applications, and I'm still not done- in fact, the shredder seems to have quit on me, even after giving it the proper rest periods. The applications were all unsolicited, and they show up her at the rate of about two per day on average, although sometimes it's more like five or six. What's most annoying about them, however, is that most are from one company. It's the one with David Spade in its commercials, and they will not leave me alone.

I don't think a day goes by without that company, whose name I shall not utter, sending me at least one application. It will not take no, or silence, for an answer. And I can't stop it- the only way to stop the onslaught is to put a block on ALL companies, which I do not want to do- I might WANT another credit card, just not one from The Company The Name Of Which I Shall Not Utter- or put a credit freeze on myself, which would just make life more difficult for me. So I'm going to get these wastes of paper daily, and there's nothing I can do about it.

The Company The Name Of Which I Shall Not Utter does one other annoying thing that earns them a place in hell: it puts a thick cardboard card or magnet in every mailing so that you can't just feed the whole thing into the shredder unopened. You have to open the thing, peel off the card or magnet, and then shred it, meaning that it has one extra chance to wear you down. And if that's not enough, it has taken to putting THAT envelope in ANOTHER cardboard envelope, meaning that you have to open one, then open the other, then fish out the shredder-blocker. Multiply that by hundreds and you'll know what I did today.

But what can one expect from a company endorsed by David Spade? He's annoying, the company's annoying. I suppose that's truth in advertising.

You wanna know what's in my wallet? Say hello to my little friend...

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