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October 28, 2007 - November 3, 2007 Archives

October 28, 2007

LOCAL GOVERNMENT CHEESE, PART I: GOD BLESS THE PALOS VERDES SCHOOL BOARD

The other day, I told you about material that dropped into my lap. Unfortunately, I couldn't record all of it. Fortunately, I did catch some of it.

It was, and is, a campaign special on leased public access on my cable system. It's a musical about, um, the school board race, and it features a band and a smarmy goateed guy singing and doing horrible standup and three cheesy backup singers and lyrics altered to be about the election. It's... horrible.

I WILL get the rest. There's too much there NOT to highlight. In the meantime, enjoy the rousing closing number, a heartfelt rendition of a Lee Greenwood favorite, complete with old people in suits waving flags:


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October 29, 2007

PORTER, WE HARDLY KNEW YE (NOW WITH SPECIAL BONUS BIG JOE!)

Porter Wagoner's dead.

Can't say I remember him much.

Okay, that's not exactly true, since he was on TV and I was always aware of everything that was on TV. "The Porter Wagoner Show" was one of those shows that ran on weekends on UHF, in the Country Ghetto with the Marty Robbins show and the Bill Anderson show and the Donna Fargo show (yes, she did have a show!) and shows with Ralph Emery. You'd get a whole bunch of them in a row on Saturday afternoon or evening, and they seemed beamed in from a parallel universe where cheesy sets and cheesy music and cheesy technical standards were the norm.

Porter Wagoner stood out to me because of that hair and those Nudie jackets. The others were just cheesy and lame, but Porter Wagoner was cheesy and glowed in the dark. Huge pompadour, sequins, and Dolly Parton -- what's not to like? But the shows were very, very plain -- nothing fancy, just Porter and the boys playin', then Dolly out for a duet, then a guest performer, nothing but lots of twang shot seemingly through gauze on early Ampex videotape. Low-budget, no pretensions, earnest and square as it gets.

I wish we had TV like that nowadays.

Oh, wait, we do:

Big Joe Siedlik for President!


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October 30, 2007

LOCAL GOVERNMENT CHEESE, PART II: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK (BACK AND FORTH, SLOWLY)?

Here's more from that Palos Verdes school board campaign special, a rousing rendition of "We Will Rock You," campaign/lounge style:

"That was fun, wasn't it?"

No.


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October 31, 2007

CANDY GONE BAD

The trick, of course, to Halloween is to stick to candy you don't like. That's what we did this year, more than ever, more than last year, when the Starbursts and Kit-Kats made their way into our diets after fewer than expected kids came by. We weren't going to make the same mistake this time.

And we didn't. It took a single trip to Target to fill all of our Halloween needs. Here's what we bought, from best to worst:

1. Sour Skittles!

Skittles are too sweet for me, a little sweeter and more artificial, if that's possible, than Starbursts. How to remedy that? Load on some salt and make 'em "Sour"! I kinda like these in moderation, but I can take or leave them. I vote leave. In a similar vein....

2. Sour Patch Kids!

Soft gummis with salt on 'em. The red ones are good, the orange okay, the green adequate, the yellow unpleasant. And I get sick of them after only a couple. But that's more than I can take of....

3. Swedish Fish!

These have a not terribly pleasant texture, not unlike a pink rubber eraser like you used in elementary school. The flavor, though, isn't horrible; it's somewhere between cough syrup and a cherry Life Saver. Okay, that's horrible, but it's not as bad as...

4. Airheads!

The texture is rolled, slightly softer Now 'n' Later. The flavor screams Dow Chemical. The effect is like anti-candy. They're good for a diet, because they taste so terrible that you won't want candy ever again. But, like all the others here, the kids, they love 'em.

They can have 'em.


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November 1, 2007

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": AT THE CONFLUENCE OF SOUR SKITTLES, AIRHEADS, AND MIKE HUCKABEE

This week's All Access newsletter, whenever it hits e-mail boxes worldwide, deals with how you know it's, um, time:

For my next trick, I'll use Halloween candy as a way to get into a discussion of talk radio. Nothing up my sleeve... you'll note that this appears to be an ordinary e-mail, nothing unusual... and here we go.

We have a lot of candy left over from Halloween. A LOT of candy. We bought what we thought was enough for all the trick-or-treaters we'd get on Wednesday, we filled up a huge bowl (with more bags in reserve), and... the doorbell rang four times all night. Four times. And now, we have more Airheads and Sour Patch Kids and Sour Skittles than we'll ever be able to eat.

My first thought was that it's all over for the Halloween holiday. (Actually, my first thought was "At least we don't have to buy candy for next year," but just go with this for now) We've been getting fewer and fewer kids coming every year, and I've been reading articles lately about parents afraid to let their kids trick-or-treat in the neighborhood. So, naturally, I jumped to the conclusion that Halloween as we knew it is finished. And if I'd had to do a show on Thursday, I might have gone on the air and said just that.

But then I talked to a friend who lives in another L.A. neighborhood, and he said that he had a lot of kids come by Wednesday night. And he said that if he lived down the hill instead of up a steep incline, he'd have had even more. So Halloween's not dead after all. Or it is. Or... I don't know.

As a talk host or programmer, you want to have your finger on the pulse of the listening public. You want to know what's interesting to them, so you can talk about it for that all-important "relatability." But it's easy to misread the signs, and it's way too easy to take your own experience and think that it's universal with your audience, too. If you'd asked me on Wednesday night, I'd have sworn up and down that Halloween for kids is over. Ask me on Thursday and it was a different story.

But you're not going to be talking about Halloween. You have something far scarier to talk about: the election. I've heard people in talk radio insisting since early this spring that the listeners were deeply into the '08 election, that it was critical to talk about the election and the candidates and everything related to the horserace even almost two years before the big day. And others said no, people aren't into it yet, it's way too early, even now, a year before the election. Both sides were adamant about this, and both said that they knew they were right because they'd done the research. And many of the PDs I talk to were pretty convinced one way or another.

And then I saw a poll a few months ago that said, yes, everyone's quite involved in election stuff, and I wondered why nobody I knew was similarly afflicted. A few days ago, I saw another poll that said people are only "modestly" interested in the campaign -- barely over half the respondents said that they were following the campaign fairly or very closely. Which is it? Do you hammer away on the election or ignore it for now, or mix it up?

I don't know. I don't know about Halloween, I don't know about the election, I don't know about Sour Skittles. All I know is how I feel and how my friends feel. The general public? Who knows? But if I'm programming or producing or hosting a show, I'd sure want to find out.

How do you do that? One thing NOT to assume is that people who know you have that answer. Your friends and family are not representative of the general public. For one thing, they know you. They know you're "in the media." In the same manner that people will tell a pollster something that diverges from the actual truth, they'll tell you -- subconsciously or not -- what they think you'll want to hear, or what they think will impress the media professional radio star. And if non-friends-and-family types recognize you, they'll do the same thing. The chatter at the station is likewise suspect: you'll find a lot more news awareness at a talk radio station than, say, at the mall... which is one place to start if you want to hear what people are talking about. The best thing you can do is get out among the public and listen. Listen to the chatter at the Starbucks. Listen to the guys in the locker room at the gym. Eavesdrop at the fast food place, at the supermarket, at bars and clubs. Talk to the other parents at your kids' school (taking into account that they may know you as "the radio host"). See what's really on people's minds. Ask people what they think. Ask them what THEIR friends are saying. You're not going to know that if you stay home and watch the cable news channels and read political blogs and the papers.

For my part, I'm not known around where I live as "the radio guy." (I'm known as "the guy who's always home, so he must be unemployed") I've been trying to gauge interest in the election, and what I'm hearing (from non-radio people, at least) is that there's limited interest so far -- if you push someone, he or she will come up with a name or two, always Hillary, sometimes Rudy or Obama, that's about it. Unless you're in an early primary or caucus state like Iowa or New Hampshire, the election seems too far away. And you don't want to be spending an hour on whether Mike Huckabee's religious background will harm or help his candidacy when most of your audience will hear his name and think you're talking about that weird movie they went to see because the critics loved it but was just confusing and strange and not all that funny. But that's all extremely informal "research" by someone who doesn't need to do a show tomorrow. Your mileage may, and probably will, vary.

(And you also have to weigh listener's expectations. If you're Rush or Hannity or someone like that, your audience expects the election stuff. They're probably coming to you specifically for that. But if you usually talk about local stuff, or lifestyle stuff, that's when it becomes a risk)

All I'm saying here is that you can't assume anything about what's on your listener's minds. Appearances, and conventional wisdom, deceive. Try to get out of the house and studio and see for yourself.

Or you can just hire a consultant to tell you what to do. (Rates negotiable -- call today!)

And it's not like there's nothing else to talk about. Why, at All Access News-Talk-Sports' Talk Topics show prep column alone (slick segue), you'll find links and stories and items about why you can't listen to Justin Timberlake records while running a marathon, an offensive song about baggy pants, allegedly drunk and sleeping airplane pilots, an untrustworthy waitress, the tourist trade New York hopes you won't notice, idiot street racers, Dog the Bounty Hunter's career self-destruction, the hurricane season scorecard, a dead deer in the kitchen, why those huge new planes may not be your ticket to the Mile High Club, peanut-free baseball, foreclosure trouble, pop-up ads, a creative use of manscaping for illicit purposes, and many more, including "real news" like the wildfire aftermath and the Attorney General hearings and, yeah, the election (look, as long as we can still accurately say "candidate Dennis Kucinich," it's very, very early). You'll also find "10 Questions With..." Sirius OutQ morning host (and trade magazine refugee) Larry Flick and the rest of All Access with the industry's best/fastest/most complete news coverage, message boards, job listings, charts, ratings, all that stuff, all free.

By the way, keep in mind that even if people aren't in an election frame of mind today, all it takes is one big thing to hit the headlines and suddenly everyone will be paying attention. I'm thinking scandal here. Like that story circulating this week about (name deleted upon advice of counsel) and (name deleted upon advice of counsel) and how they (activity deleted upon advice of counsel) with a (kitchen implement deleted upon advice of counsel). Now, THAT would be interesting.


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November 2, 2007

AFFIX BLAME HERE

The Friday vegetative state kicked in esrly today. Fridays have become brutal lately, the cumulative effect of the previous six days of writing being a halting, lurching, sluggish afternoon: work gets done, only in slow motion. And I end up banging out a few more inches of column before repairing to the couch and watching basketball without being able to focus on the action, or figure out why I care about the second game of the regular season when not even all of the players do.

And that's where I am tonight, on the sofa blankly staring at the TV, once again in no mood to write any more this week. I apologize. I know I've been bad at posting anything of value on Fridays. Maybe it'd be better if I could take the rest of the week off to prepare. But it turns out that I like getting paid, so that's not going to happen, not unless a generous benefactor -- like, say, you -- provides underwriting. Think of it as a public service, like NPR, only without a point. At least on Fridays, that is.


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November 3, 2007

I DON'T BUY IT

I didn't rush out and buy that $98 HD-DVD player yesterday. It was, to be sure, a great deal, and with the free movies, assuming you wanted those movies, it was hard to go wrong. And we don't have a next-gen DVD player yet, one of the few tech items we're missing. Plus, while it's a discontinued model and doesn't do 1080p, it's a decent Toshiba and our set doesn't do 1080p, anyway. But we didn't bite.

I could say here that the reason we didn't buy was that it's still too early, that the format war makes buying either too risky, but the truth is that the deal was nearly no risk and I still said no. Turned out that I couldn't pull the trigger because:

1. It's a safe bet that a year from now, that price will be commonplace.

2. There aren't enough movies available in either format.

3. The only local rental place we have (Blockbuster, unfortunately) has no HD-DVD or Blu-Ray discs and we don't rent enough to make Netflix worth the cost

4. We just don't need it.

That last one's the key. We just don't watch enough DVDs to need another DVD player. We have our hands full just catching up with the TV shows on the DVR. (Movies suck these days, too, so there's that, too) We have DVD players. The HD players look great, but our present upconverting player sits idle most of the time and usually plays DVDs of old TV shows and cartoons when it's on. So we don't need it.

I suspect that we're not alone. If you have a big 1080p set and you watch blockbuster (with a small "b") movies like "Spider-Man 3" or "Transformers," it may be time to buy. For the rest of us, the hundred bucks buys into the future, but you can just as easily wait six or nine months when there'll be more choices and more software.

And maybe there's something else. We went shopping today at a well-known discount store from which we never emerge with less than about a hundred bucks' worth of crap, and today we got out of there with about ten bucks' worth of necessities. I picked up a few items from the shelves, but decided I didn't absolutely need them and put them back. A stop at a bookstore, usually another occasion for excessive spending, resulted in only the purchase of a map -- five bucks -- that I needed for a trip. Nothing else, and no impulse to buy more.

Maybe, just maybe, I've broken the habit. Maybe I'm escaping the shackles of consumerist culture. Maybe... Maybe I won't be tempted by that iPod Touch. Or maybe I will. That, I could use.


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About October 2007

This page contains all entries posted to PMSimon.com in October 2007. They are listed from oldest to newest.

October 21, 2007 - October 27, 2007 is the previous archive.

November 4, 2007 - November 10, 2007 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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