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July 22, 2007 - July 28, 2007 Archives

July 22, 2007

YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY

NBA scandal? NBA scandal? That's no NBA scandal.

You want NBA scandal? THIS was an NBA scandal: these guys...

...for this guy:

Okay, a ref working for gamblers is a scandal, but, still, Darrall Imhoff? That stank even at the time, no hindsight needed. (Yes, I remember, Wilt demanded a trade and wanted to go to L.A.- I'm in no position to criticize that move- but that was still awful, and, worse, history repeated itself with Barkley for Hornacek-Perry-Lang. It is not easy being a fan of this team)

Seriously, though, if you think the Tim Donaghy situation poses a grave threat to the league's credibility, you'd have to assume that the league has credibility in the first place. Last season- the Spurs-Suns fiasco (with Donaghy on the court for game 3!), the meaningless regular season- made it hard for even the diehards to care. And the officiating is so uniformly crappy- forget Knick Bavetta, what about Bennett Salvatore and Violet Palmer? What other league would even consider allowing officials like that to work big games?- that I'm sure Donaghy hoped nobody would notice if he made some questionable calls down the stretch. How would that be different from any other ref?

While I wouldn't be averse to the whole league collapsing- it would give me one less sport to waste my time watching, and I already dumped League Pass last season- I doubt it'll change as much as some of the "experts" think. The league's already been reduced to a core audience of fans who already think the games might be fixed. One more scandal won't hurt. What it'll hurt is the chances that the league might get the fringe fans back. Those guys will move on to other, more honest sports, like, say, pro wrestling. Or roller derby.

Me, I won't really be back until the Sixers have a realistic chance to win the championship. In other words, not in my lifetime. Hey, maybe a crooked ref wil help the Sixers WIN some games. Might be their best shot.


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July 23, 2007

THE BASEBALL CARD CHRONICLES: TURNS OUT DEAD MEN DO TELL TALES AFTER ALL

I'm one of those people who watch the public wailing and gnashing when a celebrity dies and wonders why everyone gets so emotional about someone they don't even know. I mean, it WAS sad when Princess Di died, but, well, it wasn't really anything connected to my life. That doesn't minimize her stature in the world or the tragedy of her death; it's just that it's not like losing family, something with which I have way too much experience.

But then there's when a ballplayer or sports figure dies young. I'm not just talking about stars like Roberto Clemente dying on a noble, tragic mission, although that certainly affected my young mind. The story about Mike Coolbaugh, the new hitting and first base coach for the double A Tulsa Drillers and a former career minor leaguer (except for some brief stints with the Brewers and Cardinals), getting killed by a line drive reminded me of some other deaths back when I was a kid.

Mickey Fuentes was dead when this card came out. He was killed, I believe, in a bar fight in his native Puerto Rico after the 1969 season. I remember getting this card- I got several of them- and feeling weirdly sad. Dude was dead already. He never got to see his own baseball card.

Thurman Munson, you know all about. I hated the Yankees, and when he was alive, Thurman Munson was the enemy. But his death taught me a valuable lesson: don't go up in those little planes. Ever.

Bob Moose threw a no-hitter at the Mets in 1969. He was heading to his birthday party on October 9, 1976 when he was killed in a car crash. 29 years old that day.



Don Wilson also died at 29, a month short of his 30th birthday. He was a solid pitcher for the Astros for years; like Moose, he threw a no-hitter in 1969, his second. On January 5, 1975, he was found dead in his garage, the engine running; his son, in the house, died of carbon monoxide poisoning as well. Some sources call it suicide, some call it an accident. What's weird is how he was one of the best pitchers in baseball at the time of his death, the Astros' ace, and his name almost never comes up now other than if someone like me is thinking about ballplayers who died during their careers.

Danny Thompson was an infielder with leukemia. You don't get much more gutsy in sports than to play with leukemia. He did, for two years, before he died after the 1976 season. Don't remember him? That's okay- enough people do to make his life and passing special. The 31st annual Danny Thompson Memorial Golf Tournament is coming up at Sun Valley, Idaho August 22-25.

There were more- Dan Frisella, Lyman Bostock, Steve Olin and Tim Crews, for a few- but those stories always got to me a little. They had nothing to do with me, nor I with them. I don't know why I cared. But I still have their cards, and I still remember those guys.


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July 24, 2007

COME ON DOWN

Congratulations to Drew Carey on the "Price is Right" thing. He'll do fine. At least, I assume so, since he's a nice guy and the show is, as the cliche goes, what it is. It's hardly brain surgery. It's not "Meet the Press," not that he'd have a hard time outdoing smarmy Mr. Russert.

What makes a good game show host, anyway? I think that there are two categories: the classic guys and the modern, self-aware guys. The greats were guys like Bill Cullen and Gene Rayburn who did all the stuff they had to do- all the card reading, all the essentials- and also interjected their own personalities and sense of humor in there. Allen Ludden was best when he was annoyed- occasionally, he dropped the genial curtain just a hair when a contestant screwed up so royally that he couldn't resist ("no, dear, look at the card again. The card. Take a good look... there, see?"). Dick Clark was okay but a little too bland. Alex Trebek is great when he's annoyed, as was Bob Barker. Guys like Art James and Tom Kennedy and Wink Martindale were too bland, Jack Barry was too oddly stern. John Charles Daly was professorial but it worked for "What's My Line." And Groucho was great, but it wasn't really much of a game, was it?

Today's guys? Regis was a great combination of self-aware and clueless. I kinda like the guy on "Cash Cab," especially since he has to do both the questioning and the driving. The guy on "World Series of Pop Culture" is good because he's deadpan- he looks like he wants to burst out laughing but never does. But Howie Mandel? Bob Saget? The British guy from "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" who yells a lot on "National Bingo Night"? Standards have dropped.

So the bar's been lowered as the old style game shows have withered away. Drew? Sure, why not? Now, if they'd only bring back "Concentration," "Match Game," and, especially, "Password," the world would be a better place. We can only pray.

(No, I never did make it to that "Pyramid" taping. I don't remember why- maybe it was the weather. But I still have the tickets)


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July 25, 2007

THE BASEBALL CARD CHRONICLES (PLUS FOOTBALL): LITTLE DID HE KNOW, VOL. 1

Time for "Little Did He Know..."

Little did he know...

...that his name would be synonymous with a medical procedure. And that it meant he'd have to have that particular procedure.

Little did he know...

...that his reward for enduring Phil Rizzuto would be to run the American League.

Little did he know...

...that no matter that he was a star on what might be the last undefeated, untied NFL team, some people, like myself, will never forget that Joe Pisarcik was trying to hand the ball off to him when fate and Herman Edwards intervened.

Little did he know...

...that all things considered, walking into the TV booth after being on the golf course with Bill Murray all day would turn out to be a bad idea.

And little did he know...

...he would end up as a regular on "My Two Dads."

I'm warning you now, this feature will appear again.


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July 26, 2007

THIS WEEK'S "THE LETTER": VOX POPULI

This week's All Access newsletter hasn't been sent out yet, and I don't know why, but, lucky you, you get it first right here, some blather about grilling candidates or something like that:

There was a lot of discussion on the radio and the Net about that presidential candidates' debate the other day, the "YouTube debate." It was heralded as revolutionary -- regular people, people like you and me, asking the kind of questions the regular reporters won't dare ask. It was a case of the people being able to go directly to the newsmakers, interacting with them like never before.

Except for the last several decades of talk radio, that is.

Yes, you've been at the leading edge of a media revolution and didn't even know it. Talk shows have allowed newsmakers and callers to interact since someone figured out how to put callers on the air. Okay, the idea of people making goofy little videos with questions for the candidates is kinda cool, but you've been able to do it even better -- direct one-on-one confrontations, follow-up questions, true interactivity -- for years, and nobody's calling you ahead of your time. No Internet, no video, no glamour.

I'll admit right here a general bias against guests and interviews. I get bored with a lot of interviews -- the polite ones are a little dull, and the shouting matches are fun but end up as pointless as pro wrestling. That being said, if a presidential candidate is available, of course you're going to want to take that opportunity. But most of the interviews I hear on talk radio with the candidates miss the mark because they're exactly that: interviews. The host asks a question, the candidate answers (sort of), the host asks another question, the candidate dodges it, and that's pretty much all you get. When you do that, you're forgetting to use your secret weapon, the most potent thing you have in your arsenal to make those interviews work for you and to get you ratings... your audience. Callers. Let THEM ask the questions. Besides making your job easier, they're quite likely to ask questions you might be too polite or nervous to ask. That was what the YouTube debate was supposed to be, a chance for the public to ask the tough questions. You can make that happen any time you want, whenever you get a candidate or public official on the air.

So that's my request for any of you who happen to be able to book a candidate on your show this campaign season. If the candidate won't take calls from listeners, just say no -- that's the sign of a candidate who's so tightly controlled and spinning that you won't get an honest answer to a real question anyway. If you can get a candidate to take calls, that's exactly what you should do, and make sure the screener knows to find the tough questions, not just the "oh, I just LOVE you and I'll be voting for you" calls. That's more entertaining, you'll learn more about the candidate from how those tough questions are handled, and, who knows? You might actually make some news that way.

And if one of your callers DOES press a candidate on an issue and the candidate DOES say something newsworthy, it might just end up as one of the many provocative topic starters you'll find at All Access News-Talk-Sports and the cleverly-named Talk Topics column that's chock full of, um, talk topics like the reason a woman got herself banned from Wal-Mart, a text-messaging bus driver, some very candid mountain rescuers, my agony over Chase Utley's broken hand, why a popular series of children's books- no, not that one, another one- is being shunned by some parents, the weird feeling when a co-worker is, as we say in Net News, "exiting," a flying car, some airport evacuations, an anesthesiologist you don't want working on you, why alcohol and parking gates don't mix, the genetics of itching, poop in the pool, Death Cat 2007, why not to feed the coyotes, why not to get pulled over by cops on the road between Tijuana and the beach, a guy a judge has ruled is too fat to adopt a child, the Attack of the Giant Squid, an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet that turned out to be not really all one guy could eat, how your friends might make you fat, dog cosmetics, Tom Cruise at the movies, and why Disney won't be making "The Jim Leyland Story" anytime soon. And you get a provocative "10 Questions With..." Air America Radio "Young Turks" co-host and Jersey guy Cenk Uygur and the rest of All Access with news and columns and message boards and music and Mediabase and the Industry Directory and you know all about that, and that it's all free, right? Okay, then.

What, then, have we learned this week? 1) Let listeners grill your guests. 2) YouTube debates are an interesting concept, but talk radio's been there and done that. 3) YouTube is okay for political material but far better for videos of people getting hit in the nuts with baseballs, or for that guy who sings "Chocolate Rain." 4) It is exasperating to be a Phillies fan. 5) I am deeply, totally exhausted. More lessons next week. Class dismissed.


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July 27, 2007

CAT FARTS: AN AMERICAN SCANDAL

I would like to write something interesting and profound this evening, but all I have is cat farts.

This morning, well before sunrise, I was writing when, as she often does, Ella the World's Most Famous Cat wandered in, crawled beneath my chair, and settled in by my feet, enjoying the warmth of the subwoofer under my desk. And it was there, contentedly napping beneath my monitor, that Ella began to silently emit methane in enough volume that I couldn't continue writing. It was hard to chase her out of there, but she was snoozing so adorably that I couldn't do it. I tried gently waking her from her sleep- no dice. I tried moving the keyboard- nothing. So I got up and talked towards the door- nothing. I went into the kitchen, waited a minute, returned- still there, still farting. Finally, movement- she crawled out, went behind my chair, and curled up there, still farting. Suddenly, about ten agonizing minutes later, she jumped, startled out of her sleep- by what, I don't know, because I hadn't moved in several minutes- and bolted for the door, stopping there to turn around and shoot me an accusing glare.

That was the highlight of my day. Welcome to my life.

As they say, more information on cat farts is available on the Internet. Like here. And here. And here.


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July 28, 2007

MOVIES ARE COOL

It's a movie day today, an animated movie day, to be precise, because it's too damn hot for much of anything else. This heat means that the primary qualification for entertainment is whether it's air conditioned or not. That meant the Angels-Tigers was out, both at the sun-baked Big A and at home on TV.

So it was off to the AMC down in Torrance for an early show of "The Simpsons Movie," and the air conditioning was fine despite a decent-sized crowd. The movie wasn't bad, either- think an extended-length episode, with mercifully few celebrity guests (Tom Hanks, who is funny, and Green Day, which isn't) and an only mildly annoying and heavy-handed environmental theme. Highlight: Bart's "doodle." If I still thought the TV version was consistently funny, I'd have probably been disappointed, but I don't and I'm not.

We're actually in the AMC at the Block at Orange right now enjoying more air conditioning while waiting for "Ratatouille." Yes, it is taking a risk to see a late afternoon showing of a Pixar cartoon, what with the likelihood of screaming kids and all, but most of the kids have, we hope, already seen it. I hope. Ten minutes to go before showtime- we'll see.


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About July 2007

This page contains all entries posted to PMSimon.com in July 2007. They are listed from oldest to newest.

July 15, 2007 - July 21, 2007 is the previous archive.

July 29, 2007 - August 4, 2007 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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