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October 7, 2007 - October 13, 2007 Archives

October 7, 2007


I'm too lazy to write my own entry today, so go here and read my friend Joe's very detailed and correct analysis of the HD-DVD vs. Blu-Ray format wars. He's right, across the board. And among his points include some of the reasons I haven't gone out and bought either format yet, and don't plan to do so anytime soon. Really, it's nice but far from a necessity, so I'll pass for now and stick to my upconverting standard def DVD player.

Anyway, he tells it better than I can, so go read it while I go soak my head or something. It's been a long day.


October 8, 2007


Chip Caray just pronounced Joe Borowski's hometown "BYE-ohn," the Continental way. BAY-own, dude, BAY-own. Not that it matters much, since Borowski just pulled a Borowski and gave up a monster shot to Bobby Abreu. That's the Borowski method, which is why it would have been fitting had he signed with the Phillies and not the Indians this season: lots of scares before finally shutting the door, which is one slight improvement over the Phils' bullpen much of the season, since they were incapable of shutting the door. He just did that, too -- after a massive foul, Posada struck out, and the series is blessedly over.

This series has at least contained some entertainment, what with gnats and Yankee losses and all. The other series were lacking in excitement, unless wondering what the hell Charlie Manuel was thinking when he pulled Kendrick out of the game in game 2 or what he was thinking when he didn't pull Romero for Myers in game 3 constitutes "excitement." With the Phillies out (no more rooting interest) and the Yankees gone, too (no more rooting-against interest), I don't have a dog in this race. I'd kinda like Cleveland to win one -- 1948! -- but as much as I've developed an animus towards Red Sox Nation, I can't really bring myself to hate Manny-being-Manny or Papi or Ol' "Bloody" Sock. Besides, if the Red Sox win again, it'll really piss off Yankee fans, always a noble thing. The Rockies or DBacks? Aren't they the same team? A Cleveland-Arizona matchup would have the salutory effect of making Fox executives jump off the Nakatomi Plaza tower, but if the Sox make it, I won't be upset.

Frankly, I won't care. Doesn't matter. I just want the season to end so we can move on to... um, not football, since the Eagles suck right now. Not basketball, because it'll be a long season for the Sixers and I'll have to hear nothing but Kobe Kobe Kobe on local sports radio. Hockey isn't a sport anymore. I guess... hmm... well, spring training can't be too far off, can it?

And soon, there'll be no more interruptions for "Frank TV" promos, so there's always that.


October 9, 2007


Well, look what we have here, the first promos for the new Larry Wachs video feature on Turner's SuperDeluxe:

The series will be a little more timely, of course, but full of the kind of common sense and disturbing thoughts Mr. Wachs displays daily on his website. And it proves there's life after radio, or at least during radio.



Oh, no.

Proof that the team's management didn't actually watch any of the games this season.


October 10, 2007


You'll believe a Golden Girl can really fly!:

I am not responsible for any nightmares you may have.


October 11, 2007


This week's All Access newsletter was inspired by several incidents in which I heard stations go very, very wrong:

It's late, you're tired and cranky, and all you want is a few laughs, so you turn on the TV and try Letterman or Leno. And you watch the monologue, and it's okay, and you're relaxing and enjoying the show when, suddenly, the host turns to the camera and says that now he's going to bring out an arthritis specialist to talk about joint pain and what you can do about it. Suddenly, you're watching an extended interview with a doctor about the benefits of glucosamine and chondroitin. What are you gonna do?

That's ludicrous. Letterman and Leno wouldn't do that. So why do I hear radio talk shows do stuff like that all the time?

Just this week, I tuned into a sports station expecting to hear them talking about the latest Kobe drama or the USC and UCLA debacles, and instead heard a long, tedious interview with a doctor about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I kid you not. It turns out that the station is involved with some sort of sports safety and health expo, the doctor's speaking there, and, well, obviously, someone at the station prevailed upon the hosts to put the doctor on and talk about ADHD. I left the station on just to see how long they'd let the interview last, and it took up an entire segment. By the time I parked and got out of the car, they were still talking about ADHD. ADHD is an important topic to some people, but not to a sports radio audience smack in the middle of the day. If I'd been a "regular" listener, I'd have tuned to the competition within 30 seconds of the start of that interview.

Then there was the talk show that suddenly stopped talking about the topic at hand and went into a real estate segment with some brokers from a particular well-known real estate firm, in what sounded an awful lot like an extended live paid spot. And I could cite more examples, because they happen every day in every market.

Look, I understand why this kind of stuff happens: the host gets approached by the sales manager or the promotions director, and someone made a deal with someone else and it's just for a segment and the guest is really an interesting guy and it's important to the station so you just CAN'T say no. And soon enough, an interesting topic is interrupted for a segment on the importance of biofuels, or the state of podiatry today. The station gets a buy out of it, or a promotional opportunity, and the show... well, the show has to be sacrificed.

But it doesn't have to be sacrificed. You don't see network prime-time TV shows interrupted by an infomercial segment (at least not yet). Even cable news shows, most of them anyway, don't sell interview segments for the sake of a quick boost to the bottom line. (At least, I hope not) The job of the talk radio show is, first and foremost, to entertain, because that's what your listeners are expecting. They come to you for 20 minutes of something interesting, informative, funny, insightful, or all of that, but above all, they're looking to be entertained. That's your primary mission -- and it enables all the other stuff like being informative and insightful. The most informative show won't be any good if it's not entertaining enough to keep the audience involved.

So someone has to tell the sales manager or the promotions director that your show content is not for sale. You -- the host and/or the producer -- should be the ones to decide what the topics will be and which guests make it on the air (if you do guests at all -- that's a topic for another Letter). But I recognize that sometimes you have to promote stuff, so if the station's involved in the Armpit County Corn Festival and Tractor Regatta and they tell you that you're going to have to bring the head of the Agriculture Department at Armpit County Community College onto your show, and you just can't say no, keep it as short as you possibly can, remember to do whatever you can do to keep it entertaining, and look for a job in another market. Seriously, those segments are deadly.

(Speaking of which, I don't want to get into it here, but those Vegas time-share commercials where the host does a recorded fake interview with a faded celebrity? Oy. Just... oy. I wish people in radio had more self-respect, 's all I'm sayin'.)

When it's time to do REAL talk material, of course, you can always find something to talk about at All Access News-Talk-Sports' Talk Topics show prep extravaganza, where you'll find items and links and stupid jokes about lots of topics. What's there so far this week? Plenty, like why your job is making you fat, several people with horrific parenting skills, how a couple of kids made lemonade out of the lemons of living in a dangerous neighborhood, how street racing is getting even more dangerous (and a threat to you and your family), trouble for Klutzo the Christian Clown, why one town is no longer safe for Beer Pong, Snoop Dogg in an orange jumpsuit, several stories involving high school incidents and YouTube, a halftime show to make you forget Janet Jackson, a scientific explanation why your kid will eat only chicken fingers, and way too many items involving pumpkins, because it IS that time of year. Then, check out "10 Questions With..." Bob Lacey, the "Bob" of "Bob and Sheri," who has some interesting things to say about their unique show, plus the rest of All Access with the latest industry news first, ratings, music charts, job listings, the Industry Directory, and much more, all free, as always.

Hey, I just got through the whole thing without mentioning a certain National League East baseball team's performance in the playoffs. Not gonna, either. Some memories are best left in the past. Or in a landfill.


October 12, 2007


October 12, 2007

Joe Morgan
ESPN Plaza
Bristol, CT 06010

Dear Mr. Morgan:

I was running errands this evening and decided to listen to the American League Championship Series baseball game on ESPN Radio, which you and Jon Miller were broadcasting. I'd gone to Costco -- ran out of bottled water and trash bags, you know how it is, and Costco turned out not to have the trash bags I needed, so you can imagine my annoyance -- and I heard Mr. Miller bring up the topic of Brunei, and how the oil profits in that country are divided up among the citizens.

And that's when you said something that caught my attention. You told Mr. Miller, "Isn't that the way it SHOULD be? Share the wealth."

Interesting. I was unaware that you are a socialist.

But I'm willing to keep an open mind on matters such as this, and I'm even willing to try something different, because you really need to do that -- try new things, that is. So I would like to suggest putting your dream into action. I would hazard a guess that your yearly income is larger than mine by several magnitudes. Here's what we can do about that: let's add our gross yearly incomes together, divide by two, presto: wealth, shared. Since your stated ideal is to "share the wealth," what better way to bring your dream to reality than to do just that, share with one less fortunate than you. You may drop me an e-mail with your tax return attached, including all Forms 1099, so that we may arrive at an accurate figure; I accept cash, cashier's checks, certified checks, or money orders only. Any amounts can be remitted to an address with which I shall provide you forthwith. I trust that you will find this arrangement suitable.

Or you can just shut the hell up.


Perry Michael Simon


October 13, 2007


Here's the dilemma: I'd like to put up an interesting and fun post tonight, but in order to do so, I'd have to get up from the living room couch and abandon watching TV. Or I could just throw a placeholder garbage post using my cell phone and selfishly keep watching TV.

I believe I've made my decision.


About October 2007

This page contains all entries posted to PMSimon.com in October 2007. They are listed from oldest to newest.

September 30, 2007 - October 6, 2007 is the previous archive.

October 14, 2007 - October 20, 2007 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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