July 2005 Archives

Oh, yeah, I'm quoted in this article. Enjoy.

The Orange County Fair feels like it's been dropped in from elsewhere. After all, it's up the road from Newport Beach and down the street from South Coast Plaza, but you could be forgiven for thinking you'd made a wrong turn on Fairview and ended up in Oklahoma. Country music played on the PA in the "Chuck Wagon" area, cows and llamas grazed near the agricultural exhibits. Seth Cohen was nowhere in sight- this wasn't "The O.C." Not that O.C., anyway.

The crowd was mostly families, Latino, White, and Asian, in that order. And freaks. Here's a freak:

We also enjoyed the fine healthy cuisine of the fair, including BBQ brisket, cheese fries, popcorn, and ice cream. (Yes, we considered funnel cakes, but we'd hit the wall well before that) Many fine food vendors were in attendance, including this familiar sight:

Yes, our pals from Le Hut de Jerque were back. Hadn't seen them since the PV Street Fair. And you know how much I love jerky. The fair also had a ton of the usual booths selling jewelry cleaner and pots and pans and widescreen TVs (!) and the Los Angeles Times. And rides. You could be spun around:

Or dropped from a great height:

Or spun around:

Or dropped on your head:

(They had these at the desolate 97.1 booth. That's my old station, where I was PD 10 years ago. Things haven't changed much- they still do stuff like just setting up a booth manned by bored, disinterested "street team" members with stacks of head shots- no talent in attendance, no radio playing, no point. At least KLOS seemed to be doing breaks from their booth and getting some action going with the fairgoers, and the Clear Channel station booths were handing out stuff like fans; 97.1 was just, you know, there. Dan used to work for me- he was an obscure call-screener before I put him on the air and Beau Rials gave him his fateful nickname and Larry Wachs made him a station fixture. Naturally, I haven't heard from Dan in several years. He's welcome.)

At the end of the evening, we drifted into the concert venue for a show. Minnie Driver (!) opened; the crowd was thin for her set:

She started about 10 minutes early, which didn't help. She falls into the category of Singing Actors Who Don't Embarrass Themselves; she can sing, and she was pleasant, but it was forgettable. It was like going out with the office gang for an evening of karaoke and watching Melissa in accounting get up and belt out "Angel From Montgomery" and sounding, well, good, better than you'd expect. It's nice, and you're impressed, but you wouldn't run out and buy a Melissa from Accounting CD. Minnie went to sell and sign CDs after her set; I didn't run to buy one.

The crowd filled up the joint for Chris Isaak:

Chris pretty much does the same show every night: goofs around with Kenney the drummer, cracks self-deprecating jokes, gets some audience-participation going despite the size of the crowd and venue, and runs through all his hits and familiar songs. It's all genial and entertaining, pop-rock comfort food. And for twenty bucks including the fair, on a warm, lovely Southern California evening, you can't ask for much more than that.

Stay classy, St. Louis!

(And you thought that movie was fiction)

On October 20, 1979, eleven years to the day, incidentally, before Fran and I got married, there appeared on CBS a television show so incerdibly special that there's almost no language to do it justice.

Here's the ad:

Daisy Duke vs. Michael Douglas in the marathon isn't anything special, but then you get Barbi Benton vs. Leif Garrett in swimming, which hardly seems fair since she's, er, bouyant and he'd probably sink like a stone(r). And then you hit major paydirt:

Charo vs. Redd Foxx in air hockey.

Charo. Redd Foxx. Air hockey.

Nope. Can't even imagine it. But it happened.

As did the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders taking on whoever was in the Temptations at the time in an obstacle course.

Follow that with Lola Falana- in leopard-skin spandex, no doubt- challenging Gallagher to a rollerskating duel.

Joan Rivers and Howard Hesseman on bicycles sounds like a mismatch- Joan was in her, what, 90s even then. And I could do without Martina and Cosby in tennis. But how did Richard Dawson get roped into double duty? Billiards AND ping-pong- why, he was the Bo Jackson of his era.

And if all of that wasn't enough, you got a "Special Appearance by the San Diego Chicken"!

They just don't make TV like that anymore.

For years, Moby's trashed Eminem for the latter's misogyny and general incorrectness. And Eminem's taken several shots at Moby, calling him a "girl" and parodying him in "Without Me." Suddenly, though, everything's forgiven and Moby thinks Eminem's just ginchy:

Electronic musician Moby says he has a newfound respect for Michigan rap star Eminem -- who once mocked him in a song -- because the rapper criticized President Bush and the war in Iraq in his last album.

"I found myself respecting him for doing that," Moby told reporters during a promotional stop in Hong Kong for his latest album "Hotel."

The turnaround's complete- now, Moby's making goo-goo eyes at the Emster:

"Honestly, if he retired, I think the world of music would be a poorer place. He's a really fascinating public figure," Moby said.

Moby said he still has qualms about some of Eminem's lyrics but praised him as talented, saying, "I'd much rather have public figure musicians like Eminem because at least he's exciting."

And to think, all Eminem had to do is trash the President.

Politics are- is?- a strange thing. We've been conditioned to forgive a multitude of sins if someone shares a political belief with us. Moby's embracing of a guy he formerly called a woman-hater is similar to the way some folks on the left are willing to overlook the misogyny, anti-Semitism, and brutality of radical Islamic "insurgents," because, after all, they hate Bush and American capitalism and Western values, too, so how bad could they be? And some on the right will have Trent Lott and Rick Santorum's back no matter WHAT they say. The primary core listeners to liberal talk radio love humor-free, bitter Janeane Garofalo because she'll tell them what they want to hear- conservatives are either evil or stupid. Right-wingers eat up Sean Hannity's party-line parroting. They're good guys and gals, see, because they're "JUST LIKE ME." Eminem emasculates Moby, and Moby's suddenly not insulted because, well, Eminem hates Bush.

It's easy to be Moby. Most musicians, most entertainers are anti-Bush, anti-war, all one big "Kumbaya"-singing clan. It DOES strike me often that some of the music I listen to comes from people whose politics I can't stomach. But I still like them, and I still can't say I love Toby Keith even if he's waving the flag. Unlike Moby, I choose to like and dislike artistic endeavors on their own merits. It's the only way I can do it. Otherwise, I'd have an empty iPod.

Sorry, had to take care of some stuff around the house and consequently have nothing left. I'm going to go drool now.

TV Guide is ditching everything that made it great, because everything that made it great is no longer a winning business proposition. So out go the local listings, and in comes the "Us Weekly"-wannabe pap that slowly took over the front of the book in the last few years. I don't think I need to tell regular readers of this thing that the changes are distressing to me; even though the magazine long ago ceased being relevant, I still liked to browse the listings, even though I didn't exactly USE them (the Dish Network on-screen guide works fine, thank you).

So, in honor of the end of an era, and to save myself some work on a long, exhausting day, here are some scans from vintage guides, circa 1960-66:

Everything old was once new. Allen Ludden was once a hot commodity. "Password" was the rage. I saw the "Odd Couple" episode with Oscar and Felix playing "Password" ("ArisTOPHANES!" "Ridiculous!") the other day. I miss "Password."

For a brief time, the Westinghouse stations thought they could compete in the late-night wars with Mike Wallace; they were so sure that this was the case, they pre-empted Jack Paar from their NBC affiliates (in Boston, Paar aired on the CBS affiliate, WHDH-TV 5 at the time). They were, of course, wrong.

Check out number 4. If she indeed watches "PM," she seems not to be very happy about it. In fact, she appears to be suffering from severe constipation. I'd rather be like number 3.

Nothing says "wholesome family entertainment" like "decapitated clown holding his disembodied head aloft."

I watched this Bozo when I was a kid- any city without its own local Bozo got Boston's version, Frank Avruch. A kid from the audience was chosen each episode to serve as Bozo's sidekick "Butchie Boy." We can leave the interpretation of that to others.

This was an ad for Columbia Records' Christmas offerings. "Warm and Willing"? Sounds like a personal ad in the back of the local weekly, in the "Anything Goes" category. And look at that leer.

I'm sorry, Ned can't be bothered to come pose for a picture. He's on a very important phone call, long distance, you know. ("Hello? Is this 'Warm and Willing'? I saw your ad...")

Nice bow tie, Vance. Tucker Carlson is drooling with envy.

More when I get a chance. (That's a threat AND a promise)

For once, can I get a flight on which I don't have to sit squashed in the middle seat next to a bizarre tall twitchy guy who took off his desert boots to reveal bare stinky feet that he used to kick my ankle for the entire flight? Dude brought an impressive array of junk food on board- oatmeal raisin cookie (which, pulverized, he scattered all over the tray table then stuffed the crumbs in his mouth, the crumbs that didn't, that is, land on the carpet), jumbo Twix, Lay's potato chips, some sort of snack food mix, coffee and Coke- and kept grunting and hunching forward as if he was sending and receiving messages from the home planet. And as soon as the plane hit the tarmac at LAX, he whipped out a cell phone and started furiously dialing.

I could not wait to get off that plane.

So we're back from Tampa. And I'm beat- I'm still on Tampa time (it would be about 9 pm right now- ignore the time stamp below, it's standard time, I guess) and I had to get to work as soon as I arrived here. That is to say, see you tomorrow.

It was pouring this evening. A band of violent thunderstorms was sweeping across the Tampa area, and the news was full of stories about lightning strikes over the last two days. I was maneuvering my rental car through the Publix parking lot and attempting to find weather information on the radio.

Forget it.

The satellite was, of course, no help- the Tampa traffic and weather channel kept repeating a taped weathercast insisting that there would only be scattered showers and a possible thunderstorm, which was not the case- a look at the NBC affiliate's digital radar channel showed a lot more than scattered showers on the way. But I figured one of the local talk stations would have the information. Most were deep into syndicated and specialty programming. The main Clear Channel talker was in local programming, a local talk show, but the guy didn't have the presence of mind to divert from a deadly boring interview to even mention what was going on outside (and it was outside- the storm was pounding the Clear Channel parking lot when we were a block away floating in the Publix parking lot).

Simple rule, radio folks: when it snows, talk about the snow. When it's raining in biblical volume and lightning bolts are injuring people and setting homes aflame, talk about the rain. At least don't make us wait more than a couple of minutes for a quick update. You want to know why people are fed up with radio? There's one answer.

I shouldn't have to say this stuff over and over. But I guess I do.

Today? Pictures, saving me from spending time actual writing.

First, America's Number 1 Beach, really:

Apparently, the area was designated. Designated what, I don't know:

Much later, we went to a ball game. It was played at a large circular public works project, possibly a sewage treatment plant or a gas tank:

Inside, the corridors were disturbingly cinder-blocky and unfinished. We saw large unpainted sections, stacks of old ads for the Florida Lotto laying in plain view at the bottom of an escalator, and the effect was dingy and rather un-major-league. And what kind of major league park has no monitors or even audio of the game when you go down to hit the men's room or the concession stands?

In the seating bowl, the place was OK, a little threadbare- the banners covering the facades of the upper decks and the press box looked cheesy and cheap, the gaps and rips in the fabric dome were noticeable, the promotions weren't even as fun as a minor league game, and the crowd needed to be prodded by sound effects and some helpful rhythmic noises (OK, so do Dodger fans, but that's no excuse). The fans were cheerful but apparently not all that knowledgable (well, of course- they bought tickets to see the Devil Rays, after all). And the game felt like when I was, like, 9 and playing "baseball" in the living room with some wadded-up socks and a stuffed paper-towel tube; indoor baseball's still just weird.

Before the game, they honored Wade Boggs with a visit from a Viagra salesman named Palmiero and an oversized check made out to a charity. He was suitably grateful:

The game was uneventful- Sidney Ponson started despite practically being traded to San Diego hours before (the trade was held up while Phil Nevin decided if he'd accept the deal), Gonzalez hit one, Tejada hit one but it was too late, the home team won, everyone went home with a little Wade Boggs figurine and a DVD of his greatest hits.

And we went back and saw this adorable kid:

Not even a year old and he already takes after his uncle.

Spent most of the day in transit, so I'm lost. It's hard to go from immersed in the news to a near-total blackout. (TV on airplanes is a good thing IF IT WORKS) So I'm in a daze at the moment, dealing with astronomically high heat and humidity. More when I figure out what time it is here.

Too damn hot, too little time.

Is there anyplace in America that ISN'T freakishly hot and humid right now?

One thing I know, I won't be getting any relief this weekend. I'll tell you why shortly. And then I'll go get my head examined.

It came after an hour talking about crystal meth, of all things, but the hosts of a show on an east coast FM talk station suddenly decided they needed to address the news. Bush had picked John Roberts for the Supreme Court, and the hosts- a couple of guys who were producers at another station before being given a show there- suddenly dumped out of their usual sex-drugs-sex talk to deal with it. This is horrible, said one, because it's the end of abortion. Not only is it the end of abortion, he said, but it's the end of choice, any choice. He was absolute and authoritative on this point. You want to be able to choose anything, it's over, because this guy, er, hey, he's bad news. The two spent a few minutes on this theme, eschewing detail and obviously having read nothing about Roberts at all, then moved on to having their board op tied up in bondage gear by some bimbos from a fetish nightclub.

You always want to get your political opinions from a couple of guys who clearly have little idea what they're talking about.

I heard similar stuff on some other shows, too, and it reminded me of other comments at other times about things Bush has done. It also reminded me of stuff some on the right would say about Clinton back in the day. There's a hard core of political junkies who know what they're talking about, but comedians and wacky FM talkers aren't generally among them. Some- the most well-known FM talk guy is one- just read off talking points someone else provided for them, but can't argue their way through any conversation. Most just follow this line of reasoning: Bush is a stupidhead. If they're REALLY sophisticated, they'll say Karl Rove is evil. Beyond that, forget it.

And that's what these guys were doing, and I wondered if they even HAVE a program director. This would be a good time for someone to sit them down and tell them that they're not on AM, they're not politically astute enough to carry it off, and, frankly, they ought to stick to sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, movies, video games, sports... and that's not saying that they're stupid. It's not necessarily stupid not to know much about politics. It IS stupid to try and sound like you do when you don't, and even more stupid to spout opinions when you haven't done the homework, which, by the way, should include reading more than just web sites that tell you what you want to hear. If you read Kos and Atrios for your political information, you ought to be mixing in Instapundit and LGF and the Northern Alliance guys, too. And vice versa. Otherwise, you sound like the Hollywood folks who dabble in political commentary, and you know what THAT sounds like. You don't want to be Maggie Gyllenhaal.

The moral is for radio people, and it's this: know what your strengths are. There are FM talk and morning shows with hosts that can carry off political talk- some are known for it- and there are the guys who really shouldn't go there. It's not a matter of which side you're on, it's a matter of having more to say than "Bush is bad" or "Clinton is a sex maniac" AND having a forum in which your listeners expect and want to hear it. Got a morning show and fans who love to hate your political rants? Go for it. Got a late night frat boy sex 'n' beer fest? Don't embarrass yourself, and don't make your fans go looking for someone who isn't on a soapbox. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, even an ill-considered or undereducated one. But you gotta pick your spots before you send them through a microphone.

You get the feeling when hearing the reaction to John Roberts' nomination that the people with the most negative response wouldn't have been happy with anyone Bush would have appointed. Here's Norman Lear's group:

People for the American Way issued a statement expressing dissatisfaction with Bush's recommendation.

"We're extremely disappointed that the president did not choose a consensus nominee in the mold of Sandra Day O'Connor," the advocacy group's statement read. "Replacing O'Connor with someone who is not committed to upholding Americans' rights, liberties, and legal protections would be a constitutional catastrophe."

First of all, this guy doesn't have enough of a record to really know WHAT he'll do on "upholding Americans' rights, liberties, and legal protections," other than to assume he's not pro-trial-lawyer like, say, the People for the American Way. And second, "consensus" means "someone with whom we agree." Surely they didn't expect THAT. Can't be disappointed if you don't get what you know you're not getting.

Nan Aron, president of the Alliance for Justice, questioned Roberts' judicial philosophy.

"Given the administration's track record of selecting ideologically driven, divisive candidates for the bench, it would be unsurprising if Judge Roberts embraces a judicial philosophy that is insensitive to the rights and protections that ... have brought us closer to realizing the twin ideals of freedom and equality," she said in a statement from the national association of advocacy groups.

Translation: we don't know anything about this guy, but we don't like him. Anybody this administration would nominate, we don't like. Bush bad, Bush nominee bad, bad, bad.

Bush's nomination came as a disappointment to the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights.

"We are saddened that President Bush chose the politics of conflict and division over bipartisan consensus,"

There's that word again!

the civil rights coalition said in a statement. "At first blush, John Roberts may not appear to be an ultra right judicial activist, but his approach to issues of protecting the rights and freedoms of individual Americans are, at best, unclear and, in some instances, deeply troubling."

Again, we don't know anything about this guy ("unclear"), but we don't like him ("deeply troubling").

Personally, I'd like a judge who stands for keeping government out of as much as possible. I'd like a judge committed to absolute freedom of speech (including what's deemed "indecent"), freedom of religion, freedom of choice in all areas. I'd like a judge who believes in the free market and takes a jaundiced view of overreaching regulation. I'd like all of that, but I'm not gonna get it, because the folks who have the power to make that choice wouldn't pick someone like that. And I get that and I'm not surprised or disappointed in what we got, because the administration has the power to choose and the same party has the votes to confirm. They won, they get to pick. If the Democrats won the election, I wouldn't expect a small-government, low-tolerance-for-regulation nominee, nor would I complain about what we'd get; the winner gets to make the choice. That's the way it works. You don't like it, there's an election next year, so get out the vote. Until then, cut the consensus crap, because you know that you wouldn't bother asking the Republicans what they want if you had the White House and the Hill.

Actually, the guy seems okay so far. I'm sure he'll get beaten up in the hearings (especially with questions he can't/won't answer: "Will you vote to overturn Roe?"), but if there are no skeletons in the closet, it'll all be for show. And a show is what we'll get, a noisy, ultimately pointless show. Like "Rock Star: INXS," only with Ted Kennedy instead of Special Guest Judge Dave Navarro.

Plenty to say, no time to say it. Sorry. Tomorrow.

More of why some of the folks running terrestrial radio in America do not understand what is happening to them, in the big Jack-FM article in the New York Times today:

But program directors and analysts say the voice-over identities are better than D.J.'s at making stations memorable to listeners when they fill out quarterly audience surveys.

And though the Jack figures may not be real people, they do have personalities - sort of. "If we do our jobs well," said Rob Barnett, the president of programming for Infinity Broadcasting, which has nine Jack stations, "then Jack is a persona that is dedicated to having fun, both at the sometimes uptight nature of radio programming, and having fun with popular culture."

At WCBS, Jack is a voice of sarcasm and ennui, mostly untouched by current events; he does not identify songs, read news or give traffic or weather reports. In a self-deprecating shrug of a tone, he plugs the station constantly ("It's like an iPod, only the batteries never run out") and now and then spouts a politically incorrect remark ("Maybe if you stopped saying 'I don't speak English,' you'd understand me").

Canned "personality," playing music and plugging the station. That's it. Nothing local, nothing different, the same, pretty much, in every city. (We get two here, 93.1 from L.A. and 100.7 from San Diego, with different ownership but the same everything else, and they are indistinguishable)

When a new Jack or Bob or Mike station enters a market, there tends to be a spike in ratings. But according to a new study by the ratings service Arbitron and Edison Media Research, Jack and Bob face two problematic trends. At many such stations the audience size has diminished as the novelty of the format wears off, and the time each person spends listening to the station - an important statistic for advertisers - is fairly low, suggesting that people tune in for the fun of the songs but tune out in a short time for what other stations offer: on-air personalities and local news, perhaps.

"What you end up with is a lifeless station," said Robert Unmacht, a consultant at iN3 Partners in Nashville.

Yeah, and a jukebox at that. Later in the article, quoting "Jack"'s shot back at criticism from New York's Mayor Bloomberg, there's the phrase "It's just music." Exactly, and that's the problem. If I want music, I have hundreds of choices, and, frankly, many are better than terrestrial radio. There's my iPod, with everything from the Futureheads to the O'Jays, from the Buzzcocks to Major Lance. There's satellite radio, with a channel for everyone, but commercial-free. There's Internet streaming, through which I can find countless unique formats and stations from overseas, many sans commercials. And there are dozens of other choices on the terrestrial FM dial. It's all "just music," and "Jack-FM" is just another version of same, only one designed to play a song I won't like at least every third song (as I've pointed out before, that's usually a Phil Collins song).

How is that a wise long-term business decision?

Again, here's some learnin' for the radio people out there: the only thing you have as a strategic advantage over iPods and streaming and satellite is your ability to sign up and develop local personalities. The only way that happens is if you let them talk. That can be talk radio of the political variety, or the "FM Talk" guy-talk I helped invent, or talk for women or talk about pop culture or sports talk. It can also be music radio with hosts who talk about the music and what's going on in town and whatever else they see fit to discuss- morning shows all day, or just strong hosts. Whatever you do, it makes more sense to provide what your competition can't provide, and the only unduplicatable thing you have is personality. A detached voice done by Howard Cogan in a Toronto studio reading liner cards is duplicatable- anyone can crank out self-deprecating liners and have a guy with a flat delivery read them. You can't duplicate a strong local personality. Yet I go to some markets like Tampa and damned if I can find any really local talent. It's all syndication or jukeboxes.

I hate repeating myself, but this shouldn't be difficult. You can do better than imitating an iPod. You have to do better.

Cleaning day today, so not much to report and not much brain power left for comment. Amazing to go over to Borders and see them blowing through their shipment of Harry Potter books- it's better, I guess, than if they were lining up for X-Box games. But otherwise, it was mostly sorting through the piles of crap on and around my desk while the Dodgers (aka The Ja(y)sons) actually managed to win a game on the TV.

I'm sure this is major entertainment for you. Me, I'm heading into the other room to plow through more of "The Devil in the White City" and watch some TV. I'm telling you, my Saturday nights are nothing but excitement.

Strange things are happening around Hogwarts. Ron is nervous, Hermione plucky, Harry figures it out, some old guy dies, it's all very dark.

The end.

The cable and broadband Net were out when I woke up this morning, and stayed out most of the morning. It is a measure of how spoiled I am that I found working on a dialup (AOL!) intolerable. Once upon a time, a 56k modem felt like a rocket. Now, ugh. And AOL's server was blocking every e-mail I sent as spam, even though it wasn't. When they finally fixed the cable, life became much, much better,

And then I saw this, and it got disturbing again. Apparently, there's a whole club of people involved. And that comes not long after this, so it's not a good time to be Mister Ed.

I think it's way past time to start the weekend.

Oh, yeah, smoke's mostly gone. Back to normal.

Late. See ya tomorrow.

I woke up at 4:30 as usual to discover that the house smelled like the inside of a heavily used, wet Weber kettle grill. The breeze that kept the smoke up the hill last night had died down overnight with the marine layer settling in, and that meant the fire was about out (good) but the residual effect would be very unpleasant.

And so it is; you try working early in the morning in an ashtray. But we are still here, so it would be churlish to complain too much. And looking at the picture on the front page of the Daily Breeze- this one- I suppose I should be thankful I wasn't THAT close. So I'll grin and bear it, and pardon the coughing.

The fire isn't as far away as I'd like. Look closely and you can see the smoke from our driveway, above the roof of the neighboring houses:

But it's still far enough away not to be much of a problem so far, knock wood. You can't smell any smoke, thanks to the breeze blowing off the ocean. Kids are skateboarding in the road, people are jogging or working in their yards, and meanwhile police, fire, and TV crew helicopters are thundering overhead, a low hum and an occasional loud swoop right on top of us the only indication that something's going on. That and the smoke coming from a little ways up the road and up at the top of the hill. (KCAL-TV just said it's 75% contained- that's a relief- and we'll have the marine layer coming in to dampen the atmosphere, a good thing when trying to put out a fire)

Maybe we'll get some untroubled sleep after all.

==================

There's coverage with pictures and everything here and here and here.

It is, I suppose, a mark of living in Southern California that a huge fire is raging in our neighborhood and we went out to dinner anyway.

Scary, but far enough away (barely) for now. More when we get back home...

If there's any question whether the British media is all on board against terrorism and suicide bombings, the Daily Ablution notes that the Guardian ran a column today by a "trainee journalist" on its staff who has, well, an interesting take and an interesting past. Scott Burgess does a good job of fisking the article, so I won't repeat his points, but it's astonishing that a mainstream paper could print an article by a guy from a radical Islamic website, a guy who has written in favor of violence and says his, and all Muslims', alliance is not to country but to "their deen and the Ummah," a guy whose article pretty much blames Britain for bringing suicide bombing and murder of civilians on itself, blaming the victims.

Unbelievable? Not really. When you value tolerance more than common sense, when you're afraid to say someone else's ideas are wrong even when they're patently, egregiously wrong and even threaten your existence, this is what you get.

Via LGF.

This morning's celebrity sighting in the neighborhood:

Sandy Cohen!

Yes, that was Peter Gallagher I saw intently conversing on his cell phone while I jogged past a house on my usual morning run. I saw a couple of cop cars, then some rent-a-cops and crew guys loitering at the top of the driveway, then the lights looming over the small vineyard in front of the house, and then there was the unmistakable Peter Gallagher in rapt conversation on his cell. (I knew "The O.C." was in the 'hood because crew signs with the word "ORANGE" on them had cropped up yesterday, followed by an armada of Star Waggons. They shoot a lot around here; a lot of what you see for exteriors on the show is shot not in Orange County but in the South Bay, Palos Verdes and Hermosa Beach)

Touched by the hand of Hollywood. It almost makes life worth living, No, wait, it doesn't. Whatever.

Well, yes:

Podcasting is hot. Podcasting is cheap and easy. Podcasting can be fun.

Creating your own podcast and trying to make a business out of it is a mistake.

Unless you are repurposing content from another medium, it will be rare to find anyone making money from originating podcasts.

Talk Radio Shows repurposed from radio to a podcast. No brainer. It�s cheap and easy. Repurposing industry specific information from tradeshows, speeches, product presentations for employee or customer education or as sales support. No brainer. These are just extensions of existing content into a new low cost medium.

For those who are tying to jump on the podcasting bandwagon and create a �hit� podcast that you plan on selling advertising in, its cheap and easy to do, but even with Google Adsense for RSS its going to be really tough to do it as a fulltime job and make minimum wage back.

Podcasting is right where streaming was about 10 years ago. Before you dive into podcasting as �the next big thing�, you would be wise to do some homework on how the streaming industry evolved.

Try to find any of the many that created original content for PSEUDO.com, TSN, EYADA.com, Broadcast.com and others that I have long forgotten.

There is a good chance that their history is your future.

That's Mark Cuban talking, and he might know a little about audio delivered via the Net.

He's right, of course, and after several weeks of heavy-duty use of an iPod, podcasts, and recorded audio, I can say that the majority of podcasts out there right now are pretty hopeless. The useful ones are mostly ones created by radio pros- Leo LaPorte, for example- or are outright repurposing of commercial or major public radio content. I've listened to some of the vaunted independent podcasts, and, frankly, they're like bad college radio with swearing, kids playing at being what they think Howard Stern is. Others are self-indulgent bores. But that's all OK if they have no illusions that they're doing much more than a vanity production. After all, we don't have to listen. And I can't imagine anyone who would, for a long time, anyway. WHat that means is that they won't draw the kind of critical mass audience that one needs to sell advertising (at a decent rate, anyway) until they get better content, better production- in short, until they sound like the big-time, professional radio some of them aim to subvert.

All I'm sayin' is that for every person who says they listen to the local student-run college station, hundreds of thousands are listening to the Big Bad Clear Channel Infinity Citadel Emmis Bonneville Cumulus Entercom stations. wanna make real money? Gotta get listeners from the commercial operators. And no matter how funny your friends say you are, how clever and how tasteful, if you couldn't get a job in real radio, there might be a reason.

Does that mean podcasting is a dead end? No, and Cuban's not saying that, either. As a hobby, it's great- you can reach more than just your friends with your stuff, and in that way it's a lot like, well, this blog right here, operated not for profit or even break even but just for something some would call "fun." But what works best, other than your own music, on an iPod is timeshifting or even placeshifting regular ol' radio. Replay Radio lets me record streams of stations around the world, and the files go right to the iPod, where they sit ready for me when I want to hear them. I can't wake up at 3 am to hear East Coast morning shows, and I don't want to have to sit at the computer to hear late night shows while I could be soing something else. With the iPod, I can hear the shows while running (when not El Kabonging myself- yes, it still hurts), in the car, at the gym; I can fast-forward through the dull parts and the commercials, too. And I can record and hear shows that are on at the same time, so I can ultimately hear both. Recording, though, is still a little bit of a pain in the ass: if I'm recording, I can't watch TV on the monitor, can't call up a video or audio file on the Net. And that's where podcasting is an ideal transport method. If I could just subscribe to a show instead of recording it, I could get the show in seconds instead of tying the computer up. And I'd probably download more shows; I've downloaded several days' worth of a Minneapolis morning show and I don't really even care much for it, but it's a podcast and it's easy. If all shows were available in podcasts, I'd grab more of them.

And that's what podcasting can ultimately offer: radio on demand. No longer tethered to what my local stations deign to offer, no longer tethered to the clock, I can listen to morning shows later in the morning, in the afternoon, the next day. A podcast menu of shows I'd WANT to hear would be worth a subscription, even. There's a model: go into iTunes and pick from radio shows of which you've actually heard. I'd even put up with a monthly fee AND commercials. There was actually a device that was going to provide this wirelessly through FM subcarriers a few years back, Command Audio, but it didn't make it in that exact form; with a large installed base of "receivers" (iPods and MP3 players) and an easier delivery system (broadband downloads and syncing), maybe the Command Audio time has come. (And the company is still around, it seems, to join in; it's licensed its technology to XM, iBiquity, and Motorola, and it's apparently what the XM receivers use to record and store show content)

This future wouldn't necessarily belong to the tech people. It would, however, belong to the programmers, to the talent. They already have the material, and it costs little or nothing additional to what they presently spend to add podcast delivery to their arsenal. It's just extending existing programming to a new, more convenient form.

Whaddya know? Content may yet be king. Fine with me. Make it easy for me to get that content, and there's your podcast business model.

I had a whole discussion of podcasting and Mark Cuban's comments about them ready to go in my mind when I went for a run and had a small mishap. I was doing fine and heading back to the house when the song ended on the iPod and I momentarily looked down to chenge the tune and...

WHAM

When I gathered my wits and picked my hat and headphones off the ground, I realized I'd just run full speed into a road sign that was sticking out over the path. I got El Kabonged by the back of a WRONG WAY sign. A lump promptly grew on the right side of my head, just like in the cartoons. (I did not, however, see birds flying in a tight circle around my skull) My vanity immediately took over: I quickly scanned the landscape to see if anybody saw me get brained by a stationary object. I was relieved to note that, apparently, nobody but the Government Spy Satellites had recorded my act, and that it was unlikely that I'd turn on the TV to see Tom Bergeron making fun of some unknown jogger who was too stupid to LOOK UP WHILE RUNNING.

"I can see the lump on your head," Fran noted while we waited for our deli order at Ralphs later. "And a bruise." So it's visible- time to wear a cap for a few days, at least- and I feel like America's Biggest Klutz, or possibly America's Biggest Moron. That'll teach me to look at the iPod while in motion.

iPods kill. Or at least bruise.

You knew David Wells wasn't an MIT graduate, but this, well...:

"Some guy's being aggressive with a woman, and she says no, and he keeps on doing it. Well, you know what's going to happen. No is no in anything, when it comes to sexual or you know, whatever it is. No is no," Wells said during an appearance on Rhode Island radio station WSKO on Friday. "And I'm sure Kenny said, 'Hey, get it out of my face, don't do it.' But no, they want the big story, they want the scoop, you know?"

Wells added: "I probably would have done the same thing."

Having a camera on you when you're a professional athlete is not like being raped, Boomer. It's part of the job. If you can't handle a camera being pointed at you and people asking questions, you should probably just quit, but, then, you wouldn't pull down the enormous paycheck. Think WSKO would be interviewing you if you weren't a pro ballplayer? Think you'd be making that kind of money if the WSKOs of the world weren't interested in you?

It's when the cameras AREN'T following you that you should be worried. And if you think that being followed on the field by a camera is anything akin to a rape, you have a lot to learn.

I'm looking forward to Wells' league-mandated insincere apology to all women.

1. Go here.

2. Download.

3. Install. (You need broadband and a fairly powerful computer for it, though)

4. Use.

5. Get addicted.

Yes, I'm addicted to Google Earth, like Google Maps but animated and more fun. Check out things like the Eiffel Tower, the Colosseum, Uluru, the Pyramids, or just places you've never seen. I've soomed in on cities like Moscow and Sao Paulo, just to see what they look like ("ooh, look! Cars and parking lots!"). It's one epic timewaster.

So go ahead, waste time.

The most striking thing I heard on the radio this morning- well, other than a certain Atlanta radio news reporter blurting the f-bomb (pre-delay on the Net stream, that is) when describing how she narrowly missed an accident in the storms this morning- was a BBC Radio Five Live host calmly describing how, while the show continued, part of the BBC building was being evacuated due to a bomb threat. The incident reminded me that the BBC has been bombed before, in the middle of a newscast in 1940, killing seven people. The unflappability of the people on the air this time was remarkable.

It's also remarkable to recall that London in that era was being directly attacked by air, bombed incessantly, the population forced into tube stations, yet the nation endured, gathering up its spirit to fight back and ultimately survive. I think- I hope- that the spirit exists today. But you didn't hear in 1940 what you hear now from pinheads like George Galloway, who pays lip service to the idea that the attacks were wrong but knows who he blames:

He argued that the bombings had not come out of the "clear blue sky" - the background was the invasion of Afghanistan, Iraq, photographs of abuses by US troops at Abu Ghraib prison and the continuing confinement of people by America at Guantanamo.

Mr Galloway said the West was in danger of making the same mistakes over and over again, continuing with "war and occupation as the principal instrument of our foreign and defence policy".

He added: "And if we do then some people will get through and hurt us as they have hurt us today."

Sure, and Hitler would have left Britain alone had they not gotten all uppity about Poland and stuff.

People didn't die today because Britain is in the coalition. They died because some very bad people want their version of Islam to rule the world, and they're willing to kill innocent civilians to get there. You hope that most of the UK knows that now, and that George Galloway's blather will be ignored. We can only pray that when looking for inspiration from the past, the nation turns to Churchill rather than Chamberlain.

Targeted marketing at its best, from the Cincinnati Post: note the story content, then look at the Lane Bryant ad on the right. Maybe the guy can get an endorsement or something.

Fudgie the Whale sez:

And Tom Carvel is smiling down from the Great Beyond tonight.

From the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, a clip from an interview of political cartoonist Ward Sutton:

What's the future of political dissent in this country?

It feels at present that political dissent has been squelched and demonized. I think that what's happening is that the Sept. 11 attacks have scared some people from being vocal and has scared the media from reporting dissent because they're afraid they'll be accused of being unpatriotic. But things are changing ... there are hopeful signs.

"Squelched and demonized." Oh.

And I suppose that's why Ward Sutton isn't in several newspapers across the country, why he doesn't have a book collection of his cartoons hitting bookstores. That must be why liberal talk radio stations haven't popped up in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Seattle, Miami, and everywhere in between. That must be why there is no "Democratic Underground" or IndyMedia on the Net. That must be why ultra-leftist "Free Speech TV" isn't on my satellite dish, offered free of charge to anyone with a Dish Network receiver. That must be why there's not a daily paper on my driveway right now called the "Los Angeles Times" that's assertively, aggressively anti-war and anti-Bush. That must be why I can't access countless web sites and blogs to read material by Markos Zuniga or Duncan Black or anyone else on the left. That must be why the government is preventing me from reading David Brock's Media Matters criticism, censoring "The Daily Show," or why they've thrown Ted Rall and Dan Perkins and Ken "Ruben Bolling" Fisher and Ward Sutton into Cartoonist Reeducation Camp.

Or maybe "squelched and demonized" is wishful thinking.

What Ward Sutton and co. seem to have difficulty facing is that for the first time, there are people who not only disagree with them, but are willing and able to point out how wrong they are. In the past, you got the news from CBS and the New York Times and Reuters, you got commentary from the usual suspects like cartoonists and op-ed columnists, and there was nothing out there to fact-check and counterbalance and open dialogue, other than the tightly edited and controlled Letters to the Editor section. Now, if the Times or CBS screws up or displays bias, someone can go on the Web and give the other side. It works both ways, too- if Ann Coulter throws a bomb, Kos is there to throw one back. Media is being democratized, and democracy is good, isn't it?

Dissent IS being heard, and it's a good thing. Judging by polls, it's also having an effect. But it's also being criticized and dissected, which is also a good thing, too. Meanwhile, poor squelched, demonized Ward Sutton is on a book-signing tour. It's tough being squelched. You have to fly coach.

Okay, well, THAT was pointless.

That, I should clarify, was our attempt to see fireworks from our usual vantage point. Every year, we head for a cliff overlooking Santa Monica Bay near our home on the hill to watch fireworks from several beach communities. It's a great spot, usually, and we're far from alone- a crowd of locals gathers at dusk and hangs out on beach chairs and blankets and, around 9 pm, you see the boomers go up from Torrance and Redondo and El Segundo and, on a clear evening, Marina del Rey and Santa Monica and even Malibu. It's spectacular and memorable.

But not when the marine layer rolls in. When the layer- a thick, low fog- shows up, forget it. And, this evening, the marine layer rolled in and here's what we got to see from our vantage point: the bottom half of fireworks. We saw half-circles and half-spheres and comets that abruptly disappeared, and the sky turning red and blue and yellow but only up to a certain point, above which everything remained dark, as if a painter ran out of his desired color several inches short of the top of his canvas. We stayed for a few minutes longer than necessary, holding out hope that somehow the marine layer would magically lift and the fireworks would appear, but that did not happen.

As we parked in our driveway and headed back into our house, I could hear the pops and booms from San Pedro's fireworks. Next year, maybe we should just head over there.

The weekend ended last night for me- work today. I celebrated with the worst night's sleep I've had in ages- I could not fond a comfortable position, my neck hurt like hell, and the moment I finally dropped off to some semblance of sleep at about 5 am was the moment Ella the World's Most Famous Cat decided to play ball with herself by batting a pink foam soccer ball across the floor and dashing after it like Wayne Rooney on meth. It was fun while it lasted.

We did nothing this weekend, and I loved it. I've come to the realization that I'm happiest when I'm comfortably reclining with a good book in hand- I read two books this weekend and started a third, and it was sheer can't-turn-the-lights-out-yet-I'm-almost-finished bliss. I think I know what my dream vacation would be now: lock me in a bookstore, one of those big London or New York bookstores with huge inventories and multiple levels, filled with brand-new-binding-never-broken volumes and comfortable chairs. Everyone else can stay away (except Fran, that is). Let me just sit there reading. The weather doesn't matter, the city doesn't matter- just me and lots of books and lots of time, that's what I want. If that makes me a boring guy, I'll plead guilty- just let me finish another book first.

Well, whaddya know? I opened the L.A. Times this morning and there was a column neatly summarizing the proper response to public broadcasting's panic over losing funding, and it was by, of all people, Joel Stein, whose column isn't usually, shall we say, substantial. This time, he nailed it- he merely asked why taxpayers should be footing the bill for stuff that, if we weren't paying for it through taxes, would be provided by the private sector. He also asked why we should be paying for something that's for a tiny monirity of generally well-to-do folks:

There is no other station so obviously aimed at rich, well-educated, white people. Should our government be responsible for providing Edith Piaf documentaries, 98-hour histories of jazz and baseball, Broadway shows, discussions between Charlie Rose and Yo-Yo Ma and rich people figuring out how much their antiques are worth? This is a demo that was clamoring for Alan Alda before his gig on "The West Wing."

Sure, there must be some poor people who don't have basic cable and really enjoy "Sesame Street" and "Nova." But for $400 million we could have Big Bird fly to their houses every morning and teach their kids how to count in Spanish.

The idea that market forces cannot produce shows of as high quality as the government is patronizing. We don't need the government to get Thomas Pynchon to write books or Alexander Payne to direct movies. Besides, if we have to let one medium devolve artistically, I think TV is the way to go.

Yep. I get panicked chain e-mails from friends demanding that I sign some online petition to "save PBS" or "save NPR." Why? Why am I paying so some latte-sipper somewhere can listen to "All Things Considered," or watch "Antiques Roadshow"? What's the point? Make them pay taxes so I can watch a ballgame or "Hit Me Baby 1 More Time" and listen for the screams.

Anyway, Stein's right. Read it here.

Otherwise, I did nothing today. Good weekend.

Accomplishments today: finished Nick Hornby's new book. Got halfway through "Kitchen Confidential." Drank beer. Watched Dodger game on TV.

Success!

============

And welcome to Meredith Grace Sabo, born July 1 in New York. Walter's building another Women's Network all by himself (with Katie's critical participation, of course...).

I've been amused by the saga of Jeff Jarvis and his lemon computer from Dell. The latest is that he's gotten to some executive flack in charge of cooling off public displays of anger, and she offered him a refund. He's mulling it over, but it looks like he's going to buy a Mac. I can empathize- some of you might remember my own travails with Dell, and I have an earlier dell which has had a lot of parts replaced over the years. I haven't had quite the disaster Jeff experienced, but I haven't been 100% happy with Dell.

The problem is that there aren't too many options. Apple is good, but expensive, not trouble-free- believe me, I did IT work on Macs and there were plenty of headaches- and it'd require a substantial investment in replacing hardware and software I have that would be incompatible. Still, I go into the Apple Store sometimes and drool over the massive widescreen flat-panel monitor with the G5, and I'm very happy with the iPod so far. My next laptop could very well be a PowerBook. But they're not perfect. I hear nightmare stories about HP and Sony (I've had good luck with Sony laptops, two that pretty much ran as advertised) and Gateway and everyone else, and I had a worse experience with Micron (now MPC) than Jeff has been having with Dell- maybe Dell ignored him, but my Micron motherboard died and their tech and CSRs basically told me they didn't know what was wrong, it was my problem, and too bad.

When you're presented with that kind of attitude, and you tell them you're so upset that you'll never buy from them again and you'll tell the world, some companies snap to attention, because they really don't want to lose a customer. But too often, the CSR you get couldn't care less that you're unhappy- sometimes, the CSR's clear on the other side of the planet- and, since it's easy to just blow you off and it doesn't get them any bonus to ensure your happiness, you get screwed. The company eventually pays for that, but that's cold comfort to you.

So I've become more passive over the years when things go wrong, mostly because I just can't seem to get anywhere with complaints. The bosses don't care. So I dropped Earthlink, I'll never buy another Chrysler product again, I'm absolutely anti-Toshiba... what am I gonna do? Complain? They don't care. Tell everyone through my columns, this blog, picketing, going door-to-door? They don't care. Jeff has more power- his blog reaches a zillion more people than I do and he works for THE NEW YORK TIMES while I work for allaccess.com- and even he didn't get very far at first.

So good luck to Jeff, and I hope he gets satisfaction. I'm glad he's been on fire about it on his blog, too. Me, I'm just tired, because all my yelling hasn't really gotten me anywhere. All I can do is make a list and stick to it. Doesn't explain why I went back to Dell after the troubles with the first box, but, hey, what can I do? It was a really good deal.